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  1. #1
    AaronS is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Approach Anxiety - I Want to Solve It

    Hey Guys,

    One of my buddies introduced me to "The Game" a couple of years ago, then it never struck a chord with me. I also thought I didn't have any problems when it comes to meeting women back then either.

    Just to paint a picture -
    I'm a good looking, fit guy, 20 years old. I have killer style, I'm a Sales Consultant at a high-end shoe store downtown Vancouver, I do a bit of personal shopping for some of my clients. I'm told by pretty much everyone I meet that I am mature for my age. I'm set-up with a nice place downtown. I'm waiting on applications to UBC & SFU. I've never had a steady girlfriend, but a lot of extended flings, almost all of them being girls I have worked with or been in some sort of social day environment with. Talking to and getting to new people normally isn't a problem at all, hence my job. But just the other day I realized that I have problems approaching women, in certain situations.

    Last Thursday, I went out to club here in Vancouver called Mirage. Thursday's there are basically cheap student nights, $3 beer & $2 shots, no cover. I had heard nothing but good things about the place from my friends. A buddy of mine was down to go out, he had been raving about the place for months. We got there, and I became too chickensh1t to approach any women, I decided to get hammered and relax a bit. After calming my nerves, I went to the dancefloor, and within a couple minutes it turned into a good nite. I ended up danced with bunch of different girls, I even had one girl literally grab me and pulled me away from the girl I was dancing with so she could have me. Problem was, I could dance and whatever but really couldn't strike up a conversation at all. The nite ended with me being drunk mess, and making an ass of myself after approaching a girl that I used to go to high school with. I felt sh1tty about it because it I felt like I let down my wing, I ended up just being a downer for most of the nite.

    The next day I thought about the whole situation, tried to figure out what my problem was. I just really don't know how to strike up with a complete stranger, who is obviously attractive. Maybe there is a bit of pedestal problem there that can be easily taken care of, but I'm not sure on how to introduce myself, and then develop some sort of repoire. I wouldn't call this a confidence issue, I am happy with myself except in this one department. I just don't know where to start I guess.

    Any and all suggestions, reading material, coaching is appreciated.
    I want to take on this challenge head-on.

  2. #2
    yreshetn is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Approach Anxiety - I Want to Solve It

    There is some great material in The Vibe to help guys get over Approach Anxiety... check it out.

  3. #3
    Conquistador is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Approach Anxiety - I Want to Solve It

    Do it step by step. Start approaching few strangers (male or female it doesnt matter), ask for directions, pretend that you are lost, make small conversations etc. Make that a mission and then in your own time you will realise it when you are ready to approach women. Its not that hard once you get rid of the anxiety.

  4. #4
    liquid_fun21 is offline PUA in Training
    Points: 195, Level: 3
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    Default Re: Approach Anxiety - I Want to Solve It

    Quote Originally Posted by AaronS View Post
    Hey Guys,

    One of my buddies introduced me to "The Game" a couple of years ago, then it never struck a chord with me. I also thought I didn't have any problems when it comes to meeting women back then either.

    Just to paint a picture -
    I'm a good looking, fit guy, 20 years old. I have killer style, I'm a Sales Consultant at a high-end shoe store downtown Vancouver, I do a bit of personal shopping for some of my clients. I'm told by pretty much everyone I meet that I am mature for my age. I'm set-up with a nice place downtown. I'm waiting on applications to UBC & SFU. I've never had a steady girlfriend, but a lot of extended flings, almost all of them being girls I have worked with or been in some sort of social day environment with. Talking to and getting to new people normally isn't a problem at all, hence my job. But just the other day I realized that I have problems approaching women, in certain situations.

    Last Thursday, I went out to club here in Vancouver called Mirage. Thursday's there are basically cheap student nights, $3 beer & $2 shots, no cover. I had heard nothing but good things about the place from my friends. A buddy of mine was down to go out, he had been raving about the place for months. We got there, and I became too chickensh1t to approach any women, I decided to get hammered and relax a bit. After calming my nerves, I went to the dancefloor, and within a couple minutes it turned into a good nite. I ended up danced with bunch of different girls, I even had one girl literally grab me and pulled me away from the girl I was dancing with so she could have me. Problem was, I could dance and whatever but really couldn't strike up a conversation at all. The nite ended with me being drunk mess, and making an ass of myself after approaching a girl that I used to go to high school with. I felt sh1tty about it because it I felt like I let down my wing, I ended up just being a downer for most of the nite.

    The next day I thought about the whole situation, tried to figure out what my problem was. I just really don't know how to strike up with a complete stranger, who is obviously attractive. Maybe there is a bit of pedestal problem there that can be easily taken care of, but I'm not sure on how to introduce myself, and then develop some sort of repoire. I wouldn't call this a confidence issue, I am happy with myself except in this one department. I just don't know where to start I guess.

    Any and all suggestions, reading material, coaching is appreciated.
    I want to take on this challenge head-on.
    That's not aa, that's problem with transition.

  5. #5
    Finchy is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Approach Anxiety - I Want to Solve It

    Hey buddy. Great read.

    It seems like you are the definition of a natural who wants to enhance their game. You seem to have confidence in your appearance and in who you are and this is also apparent in your job. My advice to you would be to relax and only think about being in the moment. What does this mean? Well it means you should think about having fun and never actively think about pulling a girl.

    It seems counter productive, but we are always the best in what we do when we don't actively have to think about how to do it. True? So go out there, forget about what you need to do to pull that blond hardcore 10 in the corner and just have fun.

    Lastly, a very good point to beat aa is to go out and talk to as many people as possible. Without fail this crafted me from breaking down with AA at every possible meet, to being named the Approach King over a successful string of night outs. You don't have to get numbers.etc, but just approach.

    Hope this one tip to improve your AA will help.
    Work hard, Play hard buddy.

    Finchy x
    Work hard, Play hard players! Oh and Man up, girls like men.


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