[I originally wrote this in response to an off-topic question in another thread, and thought it would be useful on its own]
So you need help with your conversation skills?
There are probably a variety of courses you can take in your local area that will help (i.e. speech, communications, sales, interpersonal relationships). Though I plan to eventually, I personally haven't taken any specific to conversation, opting instead to glean from little tidbits I find and distill them into my own interpretation of good conversation. I'm still learning, and I'd like to share a simple process I made for another reader.
I'll spare you theory and get right into examples.
There are topics that lend themselves better to longer interactions, but you could LITERALLY talk to someone for ever about the weather. The key is... it's not about the topic, it's about you and her. I'll credit Wayne "Juggler" Elise for this.
- ME: "Nice day today."
- HER: "Yes, it is."
- ME: "When I was a kid, back in Indiana and Ohio, we had to scramble inside to avoid lightning storms."
- HER: "OMG, Lightning is scary."
- ME: "That's the beauty of it. I'd sit in the window of the stairwell leading up to my room. It had a wide sweeping view of the sky. In a terrible lightning storm, it was like watching a poster or album cover in motion. Dangerous, powerful."
- HER: "Wow, I can see it. When I was six, I remember being caught in a snow storm that..."
Now, you might be wondering how to keep this up. If you don't feel like you have relatable stories, your blinders are on.
I have often thought of myself as a poor storyteller, so until I get around to taking a class on it, I short-circuit it by endlessly relating from one point to another with a girl. In doing so, there is no need to ever fabricate "dhv" stories. Just keep your offerings short, and be genuine 100% of the time.
We all have experiences, we just have to remember them, and then remember what's interesting about them. Write down ten good memories you have from your life that occurred more than five years go. It'll take you 15 minutes to make a numbered list (hint: just keep it a few words, you're not trying to recall the entire event in picturesque fashion, just to 'tag' the event):
- the time I streaked naked across the neighborhood because I didn't want to take a bath.
- when I drove for the first time without another adult in the car
- when my family moved from Ohio to Indiana in a snow storm.
- when I cried like a pussy at Boy Scout camp because my pants got wet from riding in a canoe.
- The time I hammered randomly away on our piano's keys until I got a giant finger blister
- When Mike Stone de-pantsed me on the playground
- What I was doing when news of the 9/11 attacks hit
- The first time I laid naked in bed with a girl
- The time my dad towed me through the ocean beach waters of a Hawaiian resort in an inner-tube
- day got caught jerkin' it in the shower by my cousin.
That took me about ten minutes.
Now write a mere 30-40 words on how you FEEL about those times--what makes them special to you. Now that you've done that 10 times, you've got an idea how to take very basic occurrences and make them personal.
Improve your speed by free-associating through places you've visited / lived or faces of old friends, recalling memories from those times. Verbalize the nostalgic importance immediately after identifying the memory, and do this aloud in a room when you're alone. You need to practice getting your mouth to move in response to your thoughts.
After doing so, you'll be better able to connect with a woman, drawing up countless times that are relatable to something she says to you. Deliver it with excitement and intensity appropriate for the memory, and you're golden.