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  1. #1
    helloworld is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Blow up big time. Is it possible to get her back?

    Hi. I don't consider myself neither a newbie nor an expert. I know almost all the rules pretty well but I lack practice (fixing it). But today I really ruined a good chance I had.

    2 days ago I talked with a girl for a really long time. Things went pretty well but I couldn't isolate in the situation. So I asked her for her facebook at the same time that she asked me. Yes, we interrupted each other with the same sentence. She has the body of an HB9 and she uses to act on stage (mentally she's an HB10).

    I received a big ammount of IOIs from her and she watched me getting many IOIs from other hot girls. From my opinion and my friends' (he's like a magician of analyzing people's true feelings), she was really attracted to me at the end of the interaction.

    But things happen, thought I'm good at the attraction phase, I'm bad at comfort building and day 2. REALLY bad. This script (half originally in English and half translated from Spanish) is how I managed to spoil all the attraction I build and it's all we have spoken though facebook so far:

    Me: Hey!

    She: hiyu [answered REALLY fast]

    Me: how are you?

    She: im fine thx

    Me: lol, we are talking for 2 days [we started 2 seconds or so before 00:00]

    She: and you ?
    how has it been 2 days? xD

    Me: "Yesterday
    Hey!
    hiyu
    Today
    12:00am
    how are you?"

    She: jajajjajajajjaja
    its true
    jaja
    good clocks
    how changeable they are

    Me: listen
    wanna meet up for lunch this week? [I got completely nervous as I really fancied her from that day and asked without thinking]

    She: I'm sorry
    I don't normally meet up for lunch with people I don't know [as expected, as I didn't build any comfort on the first interaction]
    :S

    Me: hold on
    you are the para-para dancer, right?

    She: yes...

    Me: you know who I am? xD

    She: of course

    Me: ah alright
    that's fine (:
    I don't like too much to get to know people through facebook and I thought there was enough trust to meet up
    see ya

    She: see ya ^^

    I used the same lines with another same-hot girl 5 minutes before and they worked like a charm. I'm guessing afterwards that the girl for who it worked had lower value.

    I overheard a conversation that a friend of hers said that she likes 'dominant' men.

    With that in mind, how would you do the next approach?

    I know it's a lost case but I won't loose anything for trying. I was thinking about hoking with the English bit we spoke and then go on with an unfinished conversation we had about my old rock music band. I'd need to add myself some value through uploading some good pics. Anything more?

    PS, I forgot to say, before of that, I uploaded a picture of me and my friends from that day and she said "Handsome guys!"
    My English is probably not completely right and you might need an extra effort to figure out what I actually meant. Also I'm not a pro, but I keep practicing and learning almost every day.

  2. #2
    Yolo007's Avatar
    Yolo007 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Blow up big time. Is it possible to get her back?

    I've had this problem before you said shes a 9 that thinks like a 10. Girls that think they're hotter than they are make every more difficult for you. Stuff that works on other girls won't necessarily work on her, and since shes constantly trying to prove to herself shes better than she is she may even turn down a great guy like yourself just to make herself feel on-top. My advice stick to girls who know their place.
    In life you get what you put into it.

  3. #3
    20Nation is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Blow up big time. Is it possible to get her back?

    This is the problem with going for numbers or facebook instead of a date. When a girl makes a commitment she's more likely to come through, even if she forgets how good a time she had with you. When you talk on facebook, you can't use your most powerful tool, body language. The main tool in hooking up for 100,000 years

  4. #4
    helloworld is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Blow up big time. Is it possible to get her back?

    Yolo007, it's true that it's more difficult, but I normally get their inner value really soon based on their reaction to negs (and calibrate accordingly) so that's not a big problem. Also, if I get their inner value and external value, why should I not try to pick her up? If it's not the same, I should act according to their inner value (except for physical negs as they have a more negative value).

    20Nation, I have 0 experience at making 'bridges' like that. But I see how this problem would have been completely avoided if I made it. Then the phone number/facebook would become merely an irrelevant instrument for something settled. Thank you for your advice, and I will do now what I always do. I'll do the opposite and then learn how to calibrate. I'll try not asking for the number of some girls but instead saying to meet up tomorrow/2 days after. There's a lot to learn, do you know any good resource for this?

    Also, I think it was implied in your question but I will say explicitly what I think, all the value you have gained in the interaction fades out really fast after this is over and you start to become just one more of her list, even if you made it much better than others at the approach. So there's no chance of getting all the value you gained later on. If you talk to her too soon you are needed and the later you talk to her the less value she thinks you have. For my case, I think it also had a great importance the lack of comfort which would have made her to know me better.
    My English is probably not completely right and you might need an extra effort to figure out what I actually meant. Also I'm not a pro, but I keep practicing and learning almost every day.

  5. #5
    20Nation is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Blow up big time. Is it possible to get her back?

    Quote Originally Posted by helloworld View Post
    Yolo007, it's true that it's more difficult, but I normally get their inner value really soon based on their reaction to negs (and calibrate accordingly) so that's not a big problem. Also, if I get their inner value and external value, why should I not try to pick her up? If it's not the same, I should act according to their inner value (except for physical negs as they have a more negative value).

    20Nation, I have 0 experience at making 'bridges' like that. But I see how this problem would have been completely avoided if I made it. Then the phone number/facebook would become merely an irrelevant instrument for something settled. Thank you for your advice, and I will do now what I always do. I'll do the opposite and then learn how to calibrate. I'll try not asking for the number of some girls but instead saying to meet up tomorrow/2 days after. There's a lot to learn, do you know any good resource for this?

    Also, I think it was implied in your question but I will say explicitly what I think, all the value you have gained in the interaction fades out really fast after this is over and you start to become just one more of her list, even if you made it much better than others at the approach. So there's no chance of getting all the value you gained later on. If you talk to her too soon you are needed and the later you talk to her the less value she thinks you have. For my case, I think it also had a great importance the lack of comfort which would have made her to know me better.
    I don't know if there's many good resources for learning to ask for a date instead of a number. The best thing you can do is learn to read body language, so you can see when she is really into you and ask for the date then when you're really likely to get a commitment. In that case you could read The definitive book on body language by allen pease, it's a big book but a lot of good information. Or if you want something that focuses only on if a girl is into you, you could check out: Sexual Body Language 120 Body language Signals that She likes You. Body language is one of the main things to getting a girl.

    And yeah you're value goes down slightly over time, because what made her like her is her emotions and emotions are easy to forget.

  6. #6
    EMSaenz's Avatar
    EMSaenz is offline PUA With Mad Respect
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    Default Re: Blow up big time. Is it possible to get her back?

    You have to "Close" as many doors fast w/women like her. She's an Alpha and, just like an Alpha male, has lots of options ie men orbiting around her begging for attention. She's bored, heard it all and is waiting to meet her match or better.

    Yes, it may be a lost cause. I'd tell her that I like her attitude and confidence, but that she needed to work on it cus she's coming off like a Bitch. In other words, lower her perceived value, then pick her up w/a positive statement - not her looks, but her style of dress, career, choice of food.
    Carpe diem!

  7. #7
    T1G3R is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Blow up big time. Is it possible to get her back?

    Ah, well, well done on getting quite a few other leads that worked out, so hey, that's cool. My thoughts on this one is that you contacted her late at night which can be a sign for needy, ain't got nothing better to do, and I don't have to be up early to do something interesting. Then you told her a joke that she didn't think was funny and then talk about something factual. Where's the fun? Were you having fun, cause it sounds like you were just as bored as she was by the conversation about clocks!? lol I probably would have tried to get the humour back or if it wasn't the right mood (she might not have been in the mood at 12am to speak to a stranger she just met) I would have bailed, and then tried again at a better time. But hey, like you said, she doesn't know you and there was no time to build trust on either side, so nothing personal right, it just wasn't fun or interesting to her which is fair enough. Next.


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