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  1. #1
    fook is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default "Why did you approach us?"

    Sometimes when I enter a venue and there's a set right in front of me, I can just jump straight in. But most of the time that's not the case.

    When a set is not right in front of you and there's a bunch of people spanning the distance between you two, how do you justify (implicitly or explicitly) approaching the set?

    The point of things like opinion openers is so that they don't think you're hitting on them. But "just happening" to stop and think of this question while walking past the set is about as subtle as a flying brick.

    This isn't theoretical. I've gotten reactions like, "Why did you ask us?" "Are you asking everyone else?" And of course any guys in the set never warm up to me because they know what's up.

  2. #2
    BatMan's Avatar
    BatMan is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: "Why did you approach us?"

    If you are using opinion openers there are two elements you need to incorporate. That is a false time constraint and a root. Most people when approached with an opinion opener have two questions in their minds. Why is this guy asking us this, and how long is he staying. So these two elements take care of that.

  3. #3
    fook is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: "Why did you approach us?"

    Well, I always say the false time constraint and I do have a root - e.g. "The reason I'm asking is because my friend over there yadda yadda." But there's still the elephant in the room: why am I talking to *THEM*?

    The only trick I have for this is to pretend to be on my phone, then as I'm walking past them, pretend to finish my call and suddenly turn to them.

  4. #4
    BatMan's Avatar
    BatMan is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: "Why did you approach us?"

    Oh I see. Then there's a few things you can try with that. You could just straight up say that their group seemed cool. Or if you want to skip the opener completely just play frame game such as, "You don't get out much do you." Use your best judgment. I personally don't use opinion openers because they make you feel like everyone can see right through your routine. Sometimes a simple "You guys look fun. Don't disappoint" in the right circumstance is the only opener you need.

  5. #5
    fook is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: "Why did you approach us?"

    Really interesting, BatMan. If you don't use opinion openers then how do you go about opening sets (besides the opener you mentioned)? (BTW, that opener might work for you but not for me because e.g. you may be more physically attractive than I am, even if just due to race and height.)

  6. #6
    BatMan's Avatar
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    Default Re: "Why did you approach us?"

    Well I try to broaden my view to more than just openers. I take in social proof, energy, body language, and style. If you walk in like you own the place, (works better at a place you regularly go to), have a fun vibe, talk with the staff and bouncers then you can move to opening.

    There's a concept I use about planting seeds. Which is exactly what it sounds like. You can walk by a group, smile and say "Awesome shirt!" go to the next group "Congrats on your engagement." Then when you come back after interacting with everyone in the room you have social proof and can get away with saying "You guys seem cool. Don't disappoint." And start making friends with the guys first. Pay attention to body language and go for people who seem more open than others. Eventually they will like you so much you can get away with "Hey I like your friend. Mind if I steal her for a min. We're going to go sit over there if you need us."

  7. #7
    DreZee is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: "Why did you approach us?"

    If you gotta go through groups of people to open a random set, and they can obviously spot it, you have to go direct. Otherwise, is just weird.


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