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Thread: When and How to Approach (dance- too loud to talk)

  1. #1
    Totallydude is offline PUA in Training
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    Unhappy When and How to Approach (dance- too loud to talk)

    Hi fellow AFC's and PUA's

    I went clubbing yesterday for the 4th time this summer. I've had very limited success so far but am just mainly trying to work on my inner game for now.

    So last night I danced 'with' 3 different pairs of girls ( erm.. sets??) in a too loud to talk dance club (approx 150 people) around 1-2ish. It had a stage but I didn't dare go on it (there were some people on there but mostly friends it seemed).
    The problem is that the sets kind of just ignored me. I felt I was dancing pretty enthusiastically ( I only know about three moves but hey ) but I guess maybe this seemed like I was pulling for attention... I did see one guy just grabbing the hand of a girl who I was dancing next to but she pulled it away and he left..

    Ryan DRH (in his dance game book) says that he simply goes straight to the dance floor alone and dances for 15 mins, but this seems to be in direct conflict with the 3-second rule.. there's girls all around, and surely just dancing by myself would make me seem like a loner hehe..

    I'm lean and fairly muscular, dress in G-star shirt, t-shirt, belt and jeans with all-star converse shoes and a Swatch.. I would consider myself to be much more in shape and better dressed than most of the other guys there, but I'm only 18 and look younger..

    Any tips on whether I should change my approach style? Be more aggressive (physical contact??) or less enthusiastic perhaps? Thanks so much

    - Totallydude

  2. #2
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    Default Re: When and How to Approach (dance- too loud to talk)

    This is tricky, what works for another may not always work for you since certain women are attracted to certain things.

    A wing is great in a situation like this to provide coverage and support.

    But as a solo guy sometimes, what I normally do is find a good spot to observe the dance floor. I tend to watch each female that is dancing and build a quick report on who is with whom and the type of personality a particular chick I like may have. Based on that quick report I buy another drink, preferably a beer at this point since its more than likely less to spill. I then move in on a target when a good song I know and like is playing.

    In situations like this you have to be the happy guy, cheering with everyone and dancing with the whole set as if you are part of the group is the way to go. Nevertheless, its sad to say its a hit or a miss in situations like this. You may get smiles and a quick dance from the girl you like but when her set goes to the bathroom or moves back to the bar or leaves shes going with them. Thats why a wing is key.

    I normally spark a quick convo with other guys that are also observing and the ones who wants to do a quick sarge becomes my flight crew for that mission.

    Quote Originally Posted by Totallydude View Post
    Hi fellow AFC's and PUA's

    I went clubbing yesterday for the 4th time this summer. I've had very limited success so far but am just mainly trying to work on my inner game for now.

    So last night I danced 'with' 3 different pairs of girls ( erm.. sets??) in a too loud to talk dance club (approx 150 people) around 1-2ish. It had a stage but I didn't dare go on it (there were some people on there but mostly friends it seemed).
    The problem is that the sets kind of just ignored me. I felt I was dancing pretty enthusiastically ( I only know about three moves but hey ) but I guess maybe this seemed like I was pulling for attention... I did see one guy just grabbing the hand of a girl who I was dancing next to but she pulled it away and he left..

    Ryan DRH (in his dance game book) says that he simply goes straight to the dance floor alone and dances for 15 mins, but this seems to be in direct conflict with the 3-second rule.. there's girls all around, and surely just dancing by myself would make me seem like a loner hehe..

    I'm lean and fairly muscular, dress in G-star shirt, t-shirt, belt and jeans with all-star converse shoes and a Swatch.. I would consider myself to be much more in shape and better dressed than most of the other guys there, but I'm only 18 and look younger..

    Any tips on whether I should change my approach style? Be more aggressive (physical contact??) or less enthusiastic perhaps? Thanks so much

    - Totallydude
    ------------------------------------

  3. #3
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    Default Re: When and How to Approach (dance- too loud to talk)

    I actually have much experience in nightclubs especially with dancing. So I think I can help...

    Ryan DRH has a valid point (I have never read any of his material) that going to the dance floor alone can be a powerful tool if done correctly. It's not so much how many dance moves you have, but how you approach it. If you are smiling and making eye contact while you are dancing, then you actually increase the chances women will come up to YOU.

    I do not break dance and when I meet them I shake their hands then cheer them on when they are spinning on their heads. I almost make it look like they are putting a show on for ME because I don't battle. I dance for me and will not make myself a dancing monkey. I haven't seen a break dancer making out with a woman or taking her home yet. It's just entertainment.

    Sometimes I will even stop dancing and "prowl" the dance floor checking everyone out. Almost like I own the place. Elbow a couple of women, smile, and walk away. Then I will high five the guys and either congrats them if they are dancing or egg them on to dance. It's making sure everyone is having fun and warms up the crowd as to what kind of guy you are. That's your social proof.

    One dance style I would recommend though is basic latin step. Salsa especially. Out of all the strange moves I do I have never had more women literally run up to me than when I was doing basic salsa step. Something about the hips that they just love.

    Once you get more comfortable, you will reach a level that you can look a woman in the eye, take her hand and completely suck her into your world through dancing. This is SEDUCTION. There is no talking. If you incorporate push/pull into your dance then I can guarantee that you can kiss a woman while barely knowing her name, right on the dance floor. Hope this helps and good luck.

  4. #4
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    Thumbs up Re: When and How to Approach (dance- too loud to talk)

    Quote Originally Posted by topgunningit View Post
    This is tricky, what works for another may not always work for you since certain women are attracted to certain things.

    A wing is great in a situation like this to provide coverage and support.

    But as a solo guy sometimes, what I normally do is find a good spot to observe the dance floor. I tend to watch each female that is dancing and build a quick report on who is with whom and the type of personality a particular chick I like may have. Based on that quick report I buy another drink, preferably a beer at this point since its more than likely less to spill. I then move in on a target when a good song I know and like is playing.

    In situations like this you have to be the happy guy, cheering with everyone and dancing with the whole set as if you are part of the group is the way to go. Nevertheless, its sad to say its a hit or a miss in situations like this. You may get smiles and a quick dance from the girl you like but when her set goes to the bathroom or moves back to the bar or leaves shes going with them. Thats why a wing is key.

    I normally spark a quick convo with other guys that are also observing and the ones who wants to do a quick sarge becomes my flight crew for that mission.
    Hey, thanks for this. I like your hint on observing the dance floor, the club i go to has an area above the floor where you can look down and observe.. perfect However, I'm not too sure about the waiting for a song you like thing though, Ryan D says to go to clubs with music you like.. I think it's best to just tell yourself you like it and go for it! The hardest thing is actually getting into the dance and really being 'acknowledged' into the group.. I do agree about making male friends and your sarging idea. Great stuff!

  5. #5
    Totallydude is offline PUA in Training
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    Thumbs up Re: When and How to Approach (dance- too loud to talk)

    Quote Originally Posted by BatMan View Post
    I actually have much experience in nightclubs especially with dancing. So I think I can help...

    Ryan DRH has a valid point (I have never read any of his material) that going to the dance floor alone can be a powerful tool if done correctly. It's not so much how many dance moves you have, but how you approach it. If you are smiling and making eye contact while you are dancing, then you actually increase the chances women will come up to YOU.
    Thanks for replying I agree with most of this.. but don't you think it's good to work the crowd a little and establish a little social proof first?

    Quote Originally Posted by BatMan View Post
    I do not break dance and when I meet them I shake their hands then cheer them on when they are spinning on their heads. I almost make it look like they are putting a show on for ME because I don't battle. I dance for me and will not make myself a dancing monkey. I haven't seen a break dancer making out with a woman or taking her home yet. It's just entertainment.

    Sometimes I will even stop dancing and "prowl" the dance floor checking everyone out. Almost like I own the place. Elbow a couple of women, smile, and walk away. Then I will high five the guys and either congrats them if they are dancing or egg them on to dance. It's making sure everyone is having fun and warms up the crowd as to what kind of guy you are. That's your social proof.
    In the club I go to i haven't seen any break dancing, although I think that maybe the 'dancing monkey' idea can be applied to simply dancing in a 'needy way' i guess.. maybe that's the vibe i project when i try to just have fun dancing by myself And about the prowling, don't you think it's best to do this before dancing?

    Quote Originally Posted by BatMan View Post
    One dance style I would recommend though is basic latin step. Salsa especially. Out of all the strange moves I do I have never had more women literally run up to me than when I was doing basic salsa step. Something about the hips that they just love.

    Once you get more comfortable, you will reach a level that you can look a woman in the eye, take her hand and completely suck her into your world through dancing. This is SEDUCTION. There is no talking. If you incorporate push/pull into your dance then I can guarantee that you can kiss a woman while barely knowing her name, right on the dance floor. Hope this helps and good luck.
    hmm... does the salsa step work in a night club setting with house/electro music? forgive me for this but it sounds a little.. old school? And I've always thought that hip movement was really a girl thing Thanks for that little confidence booster.. sounds like you've had alot of success!

    Any thoughts on the 3 second rule in clubs?

  6. #6
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    Default Re: When and How to Approach (dance- too loud to talk)

    Good questions Totallydude....

    1. Of course if you want to work the crowd first before hitting the dance floor that sounds great. I am a fan of dancing so sometimes that is my preference. Some nights I will dance first then it allows me to approach people easily since they seen me dance and how I work the floor. Other times the reverse is better. You have to cater it to your style or the way the night feels.

    2. "Prowling" is something that generally should be avoided in the first place, but I still do it anyways because it's fun and there really are worse things you can do. I do this intermediately. Usually during songs I don't care to dance to, but don't want to leave the dance floor just yet. I treat it like it's my world and I just do what I want without approval seeking. If I don't want to dance....I don't.... and make sure I walk with a slow deliberation to display that confidence.

    3. Yes you're right, salsa in a house type club probably wouldn't work. But hey it's about being different right? Anyways the basis is the hip movement. There are SOME house songs you can use your hips while dancing with a woman. I think that's why it can drive them crazy because most guys DON'T move their hips in such a smooth way and you know what that translates to a woman?...........goo d sex. I may not fully understand it, but again I've never had more woman run up to me than when I was doing a salsa step or some kind of smooth hip movement. It's a magnet.

    4. The 3-second rule will always be a solid rule anywhere you go. It helps with aa and if you are out alone establishes social proof immediately. I am just the type to mix it up. I don't suffer from AA in a club setting and I can warm up almost anyone even if I don't approach within the first hour (I really do enjoy dancing with my friends). When you are showing that you are having that much fun and having that much comfort and confidence, they WANT you to approach. And sometimes will even approach you. If it's a place where you are a regular than you already have social proof as soon as you walk in.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: When and How to Approach (dance- too loud to talk)

    Thanks again Batman for your awesome responses! I'll be sure to try out the salsa step, and I think I'll keep the prowling until I've established a little more social proof I guess that's the main problem really- working the crowd.. the times that I've gone clubbing have been solo and I didn't know anyone. I guess next time I'll try to establish some more social proof by high fiving etc. I'll keep y'all up to date!

  8. #8
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    Default Re: When and How to Approach (dance- too loud to talk)

    Quote Originally Posted by topgunningit View Post
    This is tricky, what works for another may not always work for you since certain women are attracted to certain things.

    A wing is great in a situation like this to provide coverage and support.

    But as a solo guy sometimes, what I normally do is find a good spot to observe the dance floor. I tend to watch each female that is dancing and build a quick report on who is with whom and the type of personality a particular chick I like may have. Based on that quick report I buy another drink, preferably a beer at this point since its more than likely less to spill. I then move in on a target when a good song I know and like is playing.

    In situations like this you have to be the happy guy, cheering with everyone and dancing with the whole set as if you are part of the group is the way to go. Nevertheless, its sad to say its a hit or a miss in situations like this. You may get smiles and a quick dance from the girl you like but when her set goes to the bathroom or moves back to the bar or leaves shes going with them. Thats why a wing is key.

    I normally spark a quick convo with other guys that are also observing and the ones who wants to do a quick sarge becomes my flight crew for that mission.
    I never actually thought of that. the other guys in the club aren't your enemies. they're fellow victims. We are all trying (and some failing miserably) to get a (or several) girl(s) to like us. might as well team up and try to score with each other's help!

    thanks TopGun!
    Music, Girls, Anything else?

  9. #9
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    Default Re: When and How to Approach (dance- too loud to talk)

    Just a quick word, follow what BatMan is saying. I have a technique very similar to what he's saying and it's very successful. This year alone (school year) I have nearly ten instances where I've started to make out with a girl with literally no words being exchanged (and when I go clubbing/dancing I'm going with a group of friends to get drunk and dance, not to pick up any girls).
    DOOOOONNNN'TTTT CAAAARREEEEE

    You are the prize. She needs to earn it.

  10. #10
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    Default Re: When and How to Approach (dance- too loud to talk)

    Maybe taking up some Salsa dancing lessons would be a good idea? I consider myself an avid dancer, I enjoy dancing and the people around me feed off my high energy and fun. But I think some nice hip movement, like BatMan said, would really reel in the girls. BatMan have you taken any Salsa classes? Or anyone? What do you think about it?

    Thanks!


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