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  • 1 Post By Thespian

Thread: Need help talking to people in general

  1. #1
    mangofraky is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Need help talking to people in general

    Hey I need helping not talking to women but people in general talking to people scares the shit outta me.

    The reason is because i'm an INTJ i really want to change but so concerned with saying the wrong thing and people thinking i'm weird.

    I'm socially inept and I get drained around people. Could you guys gimmie a advice or 2 about socializing. I need real talk here. I really really want to change.

  2. #2
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    topgunningit is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default re: Need help talking to people in general

    Dont worry I am a closeted introvert myself. This thread by civilian is perfect and should get you started:

    http://www.puaforums.com/how-flirt/3...html#post11216

    Quote Originally Posted by mangofreak7 View Post
    Hey I need helping not talking to women but people in general talking to people scares the sh1t outta me.

    The reason is because i'm an INTJ i really want to change but so concerned with saying the wrong thing and people thinking i'm weird.

    I'm socially inept and I get drained around people. Could you guys gimmie a advice or 2 about socializing. I need real talk here. I really really want to change.
    ------------------------------------

  3. #3
    mangofraky is offline PUA in Training
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    Default re: Need help talking to people in general

    many thanks. I will definately with it

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Need help talking to people in general

    Another great technique is using visualisation and anchoring to combat aa.

    Firstly close your eyes and imagine a scenario where you are talking with somebody comfortably...it could be a close friend or a relative. Concentrate on your feeling of relaxation, how communicating with them feels good, easy and natural.

    Whilst holding that picture in your mind, try and make that picture bigger, brighter and more vivid, and also increase your feelings of comort, relaxation and the joy that you get from communicating with those you love and trust. When you've got that feeling in your mind squeeze your thumb and fore finger together.

    This anchors your feeling to an action. Open your eyes and repeat the process at least two more times afterwards. Practice this often and you will find that if you are in a situation where you need to be calm and comfortable to chat, all you need to do is squeeze the thumb and forefinger and those good, confident feelings will come rushing back. It works but it takes practice.

    Visualisation is great for conquering fear. Let the mind that creates the fear beat the fear.

    Good Luck

    Thespian

  5. #5
    sm00th is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need help talking to people in general

    Maybe start by talking to your friends or co-workers about light stuff like the weather or news and repeat with other people until you're more comfortable. It's only difficult in the beginning but with enough practice and repetition, it becomes easy and normal. Good luck!

  6. #6
    alphabreed is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need help talking to people in general

    I am also naturally an introvert and the way i started talking to people is i started off by using small talk, which is a great tool to start a conversation if you don't really know what to say. Talk about the how the day was, or how the weather is, and just little things like that.

  7. #7
    mangofraky is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Need help talking to people in general

    Thank you for the support guys I really appreciate it

  8. #8
    Andezy29 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need help talking to people in general

    Hey I was bullied in high school because I had wild hair and listened to heavy metal it made me introverted and I used to not speak at all to anyone.

    The hugest thing to realize is it's not your fault when others don't like what you say, the reason you get worried is because you think since you started the topic you will then be the one who is to blame. You give others too much credit and you give yourself none. Realize that they really are no better then you, and it will help lessen the pressure of being super interesting.

    Start small this is what I do everyday and it's really working and making people like me with only a few words.

    Start calling people alpha names, or names that have power, it actually makes you look powerful because you are giving it away freely like you possess it.

    Example:
    Hey what's up boss?
    What's up my man?
    Hey I knew you were the man!
    Whatsup brother of the sword?

    I use these alot and what it does is makes them feel good and they then want to return you the favor, I make people get really happy to conversate with me just by something so small.

    When I say it I say it loud and forward, if you back peddle threw it you will come across as faking. Over time you will get used to it, and it will come out more naturally, when I first started saying boss to people it didn't really hit home until I felt comfortable saying it, then it worked fine.

    Also start putting your hand on a guys shoulder when you ask a question, it shows you like him, just grab it firmly but with purpose, and even shake him a little. So i may say haha your the man! While grabbing his shoulder and shaking it. I learned this when a guy came up to me and put his hand on my shoulder and said something, it made me really like him from something so small.

    Give fist pumps, strong hand shakes, I say later boss keep bein cool! And I give them a fist pump.

    See the trick is your making them feel cool but it makes you look even cooler for supplying such power.

    Start smiling with your eyes, and act like your actually genuinely happy to see someone. I remember a dude used to point at me and say hey there's Andy! And would smile with his eyes. When somone looks at you with a blank face just smile and say what's up boss! You'll see them snap out of it.

    Being a good social person you must stop looking at others and waiting for them to start things, when you begin to start things you will actually realize they just don't know what to say, instead of they aren't interested in talking with you. You will begin to see them as people and not as judgments of your words.

    Stop looking at them as judgments of your words, because one person may laugh at your joke and another one will not. Their reactions are just a sign of themselves and their thoughts, not yours, and not a test of yours. You must flip your script from you being the one at fault and instead they are.

    Example (blaming yourself), you start a conversation that fizzles out with them, they didn't respond well. Your normal reaction aw man I didn't think of something good to say, he didn' like what I said, how do I fit in.

    Example two (You blame them mentally) Lol what's up with them? Guess they have no sense of humor, what a weirdo...

    Start doing this and you will be able to free up your mind of negative self talk and actually start being on your own team even if you lose! Even if you fail and lose start taking your own side anyway, who gives a sh*t if it's true as long as you feel good you know?

    Hope this helps good luck man!!


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