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  • 2 Post By Cody

Thread: I am at a loss... my failures

  1. #1
    Saff Mcgraff is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default I am at a loss... my failures

    So really I don't know where to go with this but shoot here goes nothing.

    Using my previous experiences with women and of course I have my good ones but I specifically want to focus right now on my failures and what went wrong and how to recover.

    So women have told me and my friends to

    Not talk to them-because they think I am creepy or it's creepy.
    Not approach them-because it makes them feel uncomfortable and I am being "too persistent."
    Not touch them-because it freaks them out and they get turned off by it.
    Not ask them to "movies"-because I am going into relationship mode and I have "no" right to ask that.
    These are the things women have told me I can never do. This is more and more starting to sound like women want some Cinderalla story where I sweep them off their feet by meeting them by chance and not forcing the situation. They don't like me approaching them because they feel it is contrived. I have no idea how to digest this and move on. Any help thx.

  2. #2
    DandyLion's Avatar
    DandyLion is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: I am at a loss...

    Saff Mcgraff,

    If you're in a relationship then by no means would I say keep picking up girls, but that's just me.

    Your friends sound like they're unsupported and not very confident toward your success.

    Explore the forums, there is a ton of information to be soaked up.

    Regards,

    DandyLion

  3. #3
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    T-Mal is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: I am at a loss...

    It sounds like your body language could be a factor.
    Like, it's not in sync with what you're saying & doing.

    Whatever it is, you're probably giving cues that are expressing too much interest & your intentions are in-congruent.

    Also- you may be pushing the physical & emotional escalation too soon, rather than letting it develop at a more natural feeling pace.

    Now, that's not to say you can't achieve rapid attraction/rapport & pull a girl to the restroom minutes after meeting her, but those scenarios aren't typical.

    Either way, you still want to make sure you're in control of your body language, so that the girl doesn't feel uncomfortable & / or freaked out.

    The good news is, there's a TON of great information within the forums that can absolutely help you pinpoint where you're going wrong.


    Need one on one private coaching? PM me for details.

  4. #4
    Cody's Avatar
    Cody is offline PUA All Star (RETIRED)
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    Default Re: I am at a loss...

    Not talk to them-because they think I am creepy or it's creepy.

    Law of State Transference. Do you feel creepy? If you do, then it's creepy, but if you're okay with it, then they're okay with it. If they get weirded out it's on them for being weirdies.

    Not approach them-because it makes them feel uncomfortable and I am being "too persistent."

    Stop caring so much. Seriously, just walk away. Nothing's funnier than a guy who walks away at the first sign of disinterest.

    Not touch them-because it freaks them out and they get turned off by it.

    Good touch vs. bad touch is driven by intent. Intent creates a bad touch. Kino without intent is neutral but subconsciously effective. This is an "AFC Adam" explanation. If you would like further information I can write a thread and/or direct you to a seminar on the topic.

    Not ask them to "movies"-because I am going into relationship mode and I have "no" right to ask that.

    They're right. Movies make for sh*tty dates. There is nothing impressive about sitting next to a woman in the dark for a couple hours.
    Wondering where I am now? Check out my latest project:


  5. #5
    Jefe is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: I am at a loss...

    One of my favourite fictional characters' best adventures always grew out of him being "at a loss".

    When at a loss of what to do he used to do something, anything he thought of ... just something. I suggest you do the same.


    The formula for improvement:

    Do something.
    Receive feedback.
    Revise theory.
    Repeat ad infinitum.

    Everything and anything that ever improved did so by going through those three steps repeatedly. Making fire, software development, evolution, my improv group ... EVERYTHING!


    Jefe!

  6. #6
    Saff Mcgraff is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: I am at a loss...

    Quote Originally Posted by Jefe View Post
    One of my favourite fictional characters' best adventures always grew out of him being "at a loss".

    When at a loss of what to do he used to do something, anything he thought of ... just something. I suggest you do the same.


    The formula for improvement:

    Do something.
    Receive feedback.
    Revise theory.
    Repeat ad infinitum.

    Everything and anything that ever improved did so by going through those three steps repeatedly. Making fire, software development, evolution, my improv group ... EVERYTHING!


    Jefe!
    Well put. I am a person who loves things that are simple. I like how you made this simple. Still I have an idea of "something" I could try probably won't work but hey maybe it will be an adventure? I realize the importance of not giving up on this so I will keep pressing onward just less focused on going for the touchdown. From now on my Mindset is going to be the following...

    No more talking to girls--only hitting on them for a potential connection
    No more approaching girls--only trying to attract or encounter a woman who I am really into and feel a strong interest in.
    No more touching girls--Just keeping my hands to myself unless I feel drawn to let loose.
    No more "movies"--just going with the flow and being open to new ideas.

    As far as that "something" I usually use situation openers on girls since canned openers are cheesy to me and situation openers usually always generate a good response. But I will try using one of my canned openers by saying "I think you're hot." and put my hands up and back off and say "but I am not trying to hit on you." I will try something like that on my next potential set. Also I used to always N-close girls I approached without screening them so I wouldn't lose them but that goes nowhere. So my new strategy is only N-Closing when there is an attraction there and she "asks me out" or she communicates she wants "something to do with me." Then I can N-close her and set up a date. But still I think all this work I have been doing in "playing the numbers" is a silly game that never has been very fortunate for me. So with that my best idea is to screen potential women for the ones I really really like and see if they try to get something going with "me" then I will follow through since I am sick and tired of doing all this work in getting numbers, approaching, flirting, but getting nowhere. I hate that and from now on I should let the women indicate if they want something from me rather than me telling them I want something from them, telling them how great they are and should go out and all that.


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