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Thread: What to do when a girl views your profile but doesn't respond

  1. #1
    Edgemaster's Avatar
    Edgemaster is offline PUA in Training
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    Question What to do when a girl views your profile but doesn't respond

    I already posted a thread about this but it couldn't hurt to ask again. So I open a girl online with:
    "I am intrigued by your profile, and think it could be worthwhile to find out more about you. You know, talk, and answer those age old questions, like: "Is she a total basket case in hiding?" "Will I fall asleep sitting next to her when we hang out?" and don't forget... "Is she just a guy with fake pictures, pretending to be a girl?!?!?"

    So lets interact! Sound good? Glad to hear it! Lets get creative..."

    The girl didn't respond but checked me out. Should I email her again? If so, what should I say?
    When playing the game, always live on the edge. You always get rejected by every girl you don't approach.

  2. #2
    whitedragon is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: What to do when a girl views your profile but doesn't respond

    If a girl doesn't want to write there is often not much you can do. There are so many unknown quantities - did she dislike your profile? Did she not think your photo is her type of guy (looks are still important for women too) has she met someone else recently? Are you too short or too tall? Have you said you love dogs in your profile when she is a cat lover? etc etc. There are so many little details or things you can say that could easily steer a women away so it's better in both profile and introductions to stay clear of stating anything risky or potentialy hazardous.

    If I ever use online dating I keep it fairly simple and straight forward. I have learnt not to waste time or try anything too risky for the majority of women. If a girl doesn't like your looks or has a different type of guy as a target in mind there's really not much you can do. But there are a couple of things Ive found that are really effective for getting more hits or minimising failure.

    Beyond having the best looking photo of yourself as you can its quite important to somehow tick a whole bunch of womens selection criteria in your profile and re-confirm them in your opening message. How one chooses to express those selection criteria is up to the individual but generally somewhere in the profile I state I am a smart, happy, positive, adventurous, honest, passionate, creative person. That I enjoy the full spectrum of life, am ambitious and stylish but also down to earth. In stating what I am looking for one of the things I say is I am looking for a girl who is naturally beautiful. By stating some of these things you can at least allow the girl to tick a few boxes and accept you on principle. And you are not making them read a novel. Two sentances. Done. By stating you want to meet a naturally beautiful girl you are also stating your confidence and experience with beautiful women to a degree and encouraging women who are beautiful to respond. You are stating you have standards and part of those standards is beauty. You could shuffle those selection criteria around anyway you want and make it as creative, punky or cocky as you want. But the reality is most women are not on a dating site for entertainment, they are there to make contacts. How you stand out from the crowd is primarily through your photo and once a girl likes your photo theres not much more your profile can actually do, except confirm to her you are not an idiot. You can stand out from most men by not failing. I do not write in my profile anything much to do with hobbies because that is a potential hazard. To use the example from before if I go and say I love cats I could easily disqualify myself from dog lovers. If I say I love riding motorbikes fast I could be a potential partner who dies on them. If I say I love curry I might disqualify myself from girls who dont like spicy food. It's much better to retain mystery and state what type of great person you are by virtues. If you do say something about interests make it general and risk free 'I like many outdoor sports' or 'I love to play music' or 'I have a passion for great literature'. Unless of course you only want to meet specific targets like beach girls, gym heads, dog lovers, motorbike chicks etc.

    When I write an introduction there is absolutely no point wasting much effort because I have no idea if they will even write back so I generally say the same thing to every girl. 'Hey____ ! I am a smart, cute, happy and fun person who has a passion for the full spectrum of life. I'd like to get to know you better. Have a great day!' something like that. Sounds boring right? BUT....

    If you make it too personalised to them or too much effort it shows you have already put enormous hope into just you are already in love and have been endlessly gawking at their profile pictures. If you keep it simple she will likely realise you are not a time waster. I re-inforce some key traits about myself like 'I am smart, cute, fun, happy, passionate' which every girl desires. By simply stating Id like to get to know her better I am not risking or even asking her for anything. It shows I really don't know anything about her but would like to and so she will have to write to me to prove herself to me. I am stating very clearly what I want - which is to make contact with her but I am not guessing at anything I dont know. I dont say 'you look like an interesting person' or anything like that because I have no idea. By saying 'have a great day!' at the end I show kindness and enthusiam. Now I do add some spice in there of course, depending on the girl, but like cooking most people don't want complexity, most people want simple fresh ingredients cooked well. Advertise your traits up front.

    I don't know your profile but if I can critique your introduction the first thing that is plainly obvious is there is nothing about who you are. You have not re-affirmed anything from your profile or ticked any of the boxes of womens selection criteria - what they are looking for. It's just words. I recommend you somehow state who you are 'I am a smart handsome man with dark hair, piercing blue eyes, a smile you could sail on and a passion for life' (whatever you are). You advertise yourself and in doing so you also show how confident you are. It's pretty hard to truly make a girl laugh at a message and you dont need to really, they are not expecting to meet Bill Hicks online. If you can't say anything humoress just include you are a funny guy who likes to laugh and has a huge smile. If there is really something unique that has intrigued you about her say exactly what it is and make sure it really is intriguing otherwise don't bother. Rather than saying you 'think it could be worthwhile to get to know you' say 'I would like to get to know you' as it is more authoritive and confident. The stuff you said about age old questions is also ambiguous and extremely risky. Firstly they are not really age old questions like 'how did the universe form? Is there a god? Where did my left sock go?' they are examples of bad womens profiles. You are stating basket cases, boring women and guys pretending to be women etc. IMO there is no need to write about something like that because it is negatively charged and may even convince a girl those are the sorts of profiles you mostly have experience with. By ending with the assumption she is going to write back 'sound good? Glad to hear it!' you are being a little presumptuous and revealing you actually really do want her desperately to write back and it takes some of the choice away from her. You're essentially writing to yourself and acting like some sort of school teacher talking to a class. I know Im being a bit harsh in my critique but I am trying to help.

    To try again with this girl is going to be difficult because first impressions count. However I suppose you could completely ignore what you wrote and open again in a more mature manner. Advertise yourself. State who you are and maybe even who you are looking for so she knows more precisely why she should choose to write to you. And don't be afraid to be a little kind. She's taken the trouble to read your mail and view your profile - wish her a good day. I bet hardly any guys wish women a nice day so you stand out that way. I bet hardly any guys actually say what they are looking for 'a beautiful women' and instead tell the women they are beautiful so you stand out that way. I bet many men fail to state who they are and what they want (subtley ticking womens essential selection criteria) and so you can stand out that way. The other thing you could do is keep the webpage open and wait until she is online and then ask her 'Hi - do you want to chat?' if the online dating site has an IM app. Good luck

  3. #3
    Infrared is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: What to do when a girl views your profile but doesn't respond

    Hey edge, I would say move past it. If a girls checks ur prof and doesn't reply, she was probably not interested, but rather just curious by nature anyways.
    I've tried backtracking that way before too, and it rarely works I would say. Plus the msg u wrote, while its witty and creative, I think it still comes off a bit needy, and unconfident. "Sound good?" I wouldn't use that, ur not making a deal ur getting to know someone

    Instead, I would take wd's advice previous up there, it is pretty sharp. Basically polish up your profile, and move forward confidently.. leave messages with interest and wit, but vague and short. You don't want to put too much thought into emailing someone who is a stranger rite?
    Well I'm just putting my own words onto wd's advice above.

    Btw @whitedragon- great advice, I think u got some real insight there.
    But dang bro, u need to write a book! Jk
    Also liked ur point about the 'tickboxes', that's cool.

    This picks up on something I've noticed lately. On most the dating sites, girls (and us guys I bet) write mostly about what they like to do, fewer say wat they are looking for.
    Yes a lot of single people like music, tattoos, traveling etc.
    People like lots of cool stuff, noted lol.

    Wat your going for is better so I agree. Don't portray, convey

    Simple as 'I like having fun, looking for a beautiful girl who does too'

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