WHY does she lose interest? why is she not interested? :
I met this girl, on a trip with a new friend to Nicaragua, and his neighborhood up in the mountains, about 3 years ago now.
One night we had thrown a little party I met this girl, Araseli, also under the name La Morena, being both a little darker than the other girls in the neighborhood and the real beauty around there.
I remember when I first saw her, I thought no way would I have any chance with her, as I sometimes do when I see really hot girls, some with the attitude, you know.
But I got to know her, I slowly realized she dident have that much attitude after all.
In the next couple of days, we ran into each other a few time...I started to get the sense that she liked me a little bit, although I was not sure.. but I wanted to talk more with her and see so I arranged for a date with me and her.
As I sometimes do on a date, I felt nervous.
It started ok, but slowly it became a little boring.. and more and more silent moments.. and I cute know what to talk about.. And I really most of all started feel more and more like she diden't like me. After a little more awkward time and silence I was convinced she clearly did not like me.. I thought, man was I wrong thinking she was into me!! eventually I remember walking her bearly halfway home to her house like 300 yards away.. feeling like I just wanted to get rid of her.. like we almost hated each other at that point.. I think both just wanting to get over with it.
Started good, then went down the drains!
Well, I thought about a little bit the coming days, realized I did actually like her, even though our date had failed pretty miserably in my eyes.. and I dont know exactly how it struck me.. but I came to remember that zan, which i had tried to learn a little bit from, had always tried to teach to not hold back, and rather be forward and show interest. So all though I don't remember exactly what I did, next time I met her, I remember having a bit more intent towards showing interest or that I liked her.. basically, that I should try going a different route, and well try what felt like the opposite of what I was usually doing.
Even though our last date had been shut down really bad.. It felt okey when I saw her again that day.. and we walked together down the road together a little bit in the evening darkness.. I guess with some other peolpe as well.. and I tried to be a little more open and show more that I liked her, be a little more entusiastic about her.. cus after we had walked a bit.. I took her hand, and we walked hand in hand down the road... now being more alone.. which was kind of nice :-)
Although we were now walking hand in hand.. i coulden't quite believe it.. as things had seemed so different that other day I saw her.
So after walking a little bit like this together I simply asked her.. I guess since I now felt a little more confident, but also since I was almost a little confused about it all... I asked her, if she liked me.
Her answer was simpel: "Si" .... I said: really? (i guess still couldent really believe it quite) .. She stopped, and said in spanish " Yes! Ever since I met you! " . We kissed, and it was like one of those amazing kisses where it all feels like stars and fireworks are just shooting around you.. Well, it was amazing, and I finally truly understood how she really felt. A lot of passion! how could that be.. when I was so sure earlier that there was no way??
This happening really stuck with me.. and I thought about it for a while.. and I believe I have kind of figured it out.
It seems to me that when we meet someone we are interest in.. we have at some level a fear of showing that we like them.. I am guessing because the more you show interest when you like someone.. the more you expose yourself to the risk of being rejected.
So instead the easy way, and the common way is to with-hold true emotions, and hide that we are interested. we keep the truth inside, and put on a kind of social mask. Its called hiding.
Now here is the whole point of this story:
What do you think she thinks when we hold back interest, or try to act cool, and so on??
Well consider this, maybe girls are not soo different from guys, and maybe, she buys our bullsh1t, after all we have been practicing it for a long time.. And she thinks that you actually are not interested.
Maybe she is not so different from you, and does not like rejection ether.
And if she does not like rejection, pluss she does not get the sense that you like her.. Do you think it is likely that she is going to look happy, or be likely to show interest in you? Give any good old ioi's ? Or simply look like she is interested in you..? if she gets the sense from her perspective that you are not very into her. When she just sees you put up a social mask.??
Hell no !!!
Does not matter if she actually likes you, because in her eyes you don't seem interested. She feels rejected in a way, and that gets her to put on her own social mask which is acting cool, standoffish.. whatever her strategy.. she will not show you the truth. Her real self. And she might feel confused.
So to make it short and simpel,
what I believe happened to me and this girl was exactly this:
We met for the date, I felt nervous, So I went the way of with-holding interest, not letting her truly know that I liked her.. and I made sure I do not show anything like that.. any real interest or desire. Im putting on my social mask so to speak.
She looks at me and does not see any IOI's. She has nothing like that to feel good about, rather she has more risk and fear of rejection to deal with.. to let me know she likes me if she choose too. Since I amd doing my act.
So she goes to her own default social mask because of this, and hides the fact that SHE likes ME, because.. why should she show anything else, if it does not seem like I am into her??
That is like asking to be rejected!
Thus, we end up with 2 people, who potentially both could be initially, and under it all, very interested in each other.. who both are looking at the other person thinking he/she does not like me.
Both have their defensive social mask on. And it will go from all sorts of boring conversations to awkwardness to maybe confusion.. anything really.. but where you WANT to be, for the most part.
And both might go each there seperate way disapointed and fully convinced they got rejected or they messed up, or there was maybe something wrong with THEM... for whatever reason, the other person WAS NOT INTO ME.
THIS was what happened to me!
Anybody starting to think this might have happened to them a time or two??!!
I believe this is exactly what a shutdown is all about.. or is based on. Its that with holding, hiding.. keeping the truth inside.. not letting much or anything come through.. by holding back, or simply talking about anything else.. as normal crap that matters a lot less, when you are honest about it.
What matters to you is that she likes you right?
Well, what matters to her is that you like her!
Its a simplistic way of putting it, but in essence this is what we care about, is it not?
I believe the solution is that we must show interest and not hide desire, we take the risk on us, from the very start. And the girl will get the chance to feel free and at no risk of showing us her real self.. and her real thoughts and emotions, since we make it obvious to her what we are about, and that we ARE interest in her, and that we by no means try to hide that fact..
We rather let it shine through, with little or no filter.. and we show more of our real selves, not holding so much back, or trying to put on an act or play games. Even if it is by default or auto pilot, the outcome is the same.
It is being honest, and not being ashamed of showing it ether.. Directly, shamelessly and with intention and by every opportunity we get that seems suited. Take the pressure of her, and make it easy for her to like you!
Mixing this intention or ingredient into your conversations or way of "game" I believe is the solution to the issue talked about here with shutting down things.. and letting it drift of.
Good or bad, you choose, but it will be a very much mutual thing.
Let the outside match the inside better.
It does not have to be complicated, or all your communication this way, it just has to be SOME. Or else it will become boring, and a downward spiral.
And regarding the what happened to me on my date with this Nicaraguan beauty, you gotta remember that if it happened that one time...
How many other times have this happened, without me realizing it ???
Probably more often than i realize!
Therefore I would say.. probably most of us, have had more girls interested in us than we have really been aware of, because of this dynamic. And we thought they were just not into us. We can be so wrong!
What we did not realize were that they were thinking the exact same thing!
Withholding interest can also lead to the friend zone, because of nothing that has to love OR sex has been communicated.
If you find yourself with holding, acting up, playing games.. try going the opposite direction, and see what happens.
Show some love, let your more real self shine through and don't hide it from your girl that you like her!
Let her see it!!
Based on experience you develop intuition and flow - thus becoming more Natural.