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Thread: Need help with girls not contributing to conversation

  1. #1
    Konstantin is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Need help with girls not contributing to conversation

    So I accidentally ran into a girl that I picked up yesterday at university and I'd like to start gaming her again. I don't think I did it right the first time because we had about a month of NC. Here's what happened....

    When I was gaming her I think I came off as too Cocky when running C&F but at the same time she's the type of girl that likes guys when they take control....no problem there. When we were txting, she wasn't contributing much to the conversation and it was kinda one sided so I picked on her a little bit to get a response but all she replied with was a ">.< hahaha" so I had enough at that point and said "nice talking to you" and then we didn't speak for a month.

    I'm really big on girls contributing to a conversation just as much as I am, and when it doesn't happen I find it rude/uninteresting. Is this something that happens to a lot of people or am I just being picky?

    When I saw her yesterday, I just made eye contact and smiled but didn't stop to talk to her. Not even a minute later I get a txt from her...

    HER: Is that really all I get?
    ME: What do you mean? I said hi!
    HER: Barely :P
    ME: Last time we talked, you gave me the impression that you didn't want to keep talking. So I got the hint and left you alone
    HER: Where would you get that idea from?! A >.< face doesn't mean I want you to leave me alone! then you were rude and said nice talking to you, and I didn't like that
    ME: Lol Ok well what did you expect me to respond to that? Plus there was nothing stopping you from messaging me either
    HER: Sigh I'm sorry I didn't expect you to take it that way....yeah I guess I was annoyed with the way you responded

    I feel like I got another chance with this chick and I want to play it right this time....I learned my lesson with her and I should tone down the cocky but what can I do to get her out and hang out with me?

    Thanks guys! Appreciate the help!

  2. #2
    bighugewildRicky's Avatar
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    Default re: Need help with girls not contributing to conversation

    Im no expert but I'll offer my opinion here.

    To answer your first question, girls contribute to conversations as much as you allow them. Speaking to anyone for that matter, can be an art that involves stimulating them towards contribution (asking open ended questions, asking them about themselves, hypothetical questions, conversation games, etc.) Get her to open up and see you as fun to talk to, and you wont find such frustration nearly as often. I will admit however, that some people just suck, lol.

    About the txt bit, I would suggest that you not engage her logically. What you say to her must be interpreted as "I have an awesome, action filled life, and you were a fun little memory. If you want more, the answer is Maybe and you'll be lucky to get it."

    I try never to convince women of anything during the pick-up stage. I would avoid reasoning with her over the meanings of your txts.

    DO NOT tone down the cocky. That is not the lesson to be learned here. The reason cocky works is b/c IT IS PAIRED WITH FUNNY. You froze her out with just cocky and no funny, you see?

    Hope this response helps, bud!

  3. #3
    Konstantin is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default re: Need help with girls not contributing to conversation

    Quote Originally Posted by bighugewildRicky View Post
    Im no expert but I'll offer my opinion here.

    To answer your first question, girls contribute to conversations as much as you allow them. Speaking to anyone for that matter, can be an art that involves stimulating them towards contribution (asking open ended questions, asking them about themselves, hypothetical questions, conversation games, etc.) Get her to open up and see you as fun to talk to, and you wont find such frustration nearly as often. I will admit however, that some people just suck, lol.

    About the txt bit, I would suggest that you not engage her logically. What you say to her must be interpreted as "I have an awesome, action filled life, and you were a fun little memory. If you want more, the answer is Maybe and you'll be lucky to get it."

    I try never to convince women of anything during the pick-up stage. I would avoid reasoning with her over the meanings of your txts.

    DO NOT tone down the cocky. That is not the lesson to be learned here. The reason cocky works is b/c IT IS PAIRED WITH FUNNY. You froze her out with just cocky and no funny, you see?

    Hope this response helps, bud!
    I see what you mean! How do I turn on the attraction with her again and get her to come hang out with me? I asked her to come study with me and my wing-woman at school but she flaked twice so I didn't want to come off as needy and keep asking, so I just ended the convo with "Once you're done being Ms. Popular you have my permission to txt me and we'll hang out if I feel like it :P"

    I am good in person but terrible at texting...what text games do you have in mind?

    Thanks for the answer!

  4. #4
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    Default re: Need help with girls not contributing to conversation

    Yes there are some women who it feels like you are pulling teeth. And the more you TRY, the less they talk. It's almost like reinforcing their behaviour. This is where you realize that you can't control anyone. Sometimes they are having an off day. Sometimes they already have a romantic interest before they met you.

    Something happened, for her to feel free to text you now. I wouldn't run it into the ground by trying to have clever conversation with her. Keep it simple. Let her do most of the talking. When you feel it's dieing down either pick it up with a question or end it first. You can still use push/pull with very little words. You know what kind of emotions you can put into her if you respond to her, right when she says something you don't like, with "Wow. Ok"? Then you end up getting a paragraph long text so you won't be upset with her. Very simple, yet powerful.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  5. #5
    Konstantin is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need help with girls not contributing to conversation

    Quote Originally Posted by BatMan View Post
    Yes there are some women who it feels like you are pulling teeth. And the more you TRY, the less they talk. It's almost like reinforcing their behaviour. This is where you realize that you can't control anyone. Sometimes they are having an off day. Sometimes they already have a romantic interest before they met you.

    Something happened, for her to feel free to text you now. I wouldn't run it into the ground by trying to have clever conversation with her. Keep it simple. Let her do most of the talking. When you feel it's dieing down either pick it up with a question or end it first. You can still use push/pull with very little words. You know what kind of emotions you can put into her if you respond to her, right when she says something you don't like, with "Wow. Ok"? Then you end up getting a paragraph long text so you won't be upset with her. Very simple, yet powerful.
    I will definitely keep that in mind next time I talk to her. When would be a good time to ask her to hang out or even come study with me and my wing woman? Like i said i don't want to come off as needy by asking her to hang out a lot and her flaking, but at the same time I don't want to miss my window of opportunity.

    Also you mentioned texting games....can you suggest a few off the top of your head?

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Need help with girls not contributing to conversation

    Don't tone down the cocky.. You seem to be in charge there, which is a good thing, don't let the tables turn and allow her to take control. That's when things go bad.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Need help with girls not contributing to conversation

    I will admit however, that some people just suck, lol.

    Lmao.


    You know what kind of emotions you can put into her if you respond to her, right when she says something you don't like, with "Wow. Ok"? Then you end up getting a paragraph long text so you won't be upset with her. Very simple, yet powerful.

    Yes, yes, and... yes.


    I'm really big on girls contributing to a conversation just as much as I am, and when it doesn't happen I find it rude/uninteresting. Is this something that happens to a lot of people or am I just being picky?

    I don't care nor does it matter what you're big on, because she's going to be a b*tch until you reach hook point. That's how high value women work. I believe it was Sasha who explained how seduction works like an upside down triangle--you make a big investment then put in less effort as time goes on. You can't sit back and play the cool card until you've got her invested; i.e. Hook Point. You get out what you put in. Unless you leave value in your footprints, you're going to need to invest.


    HER: Where would you get that idea from?! A >.< face doesn't mean I want you to leave me alone! then you were rude and said nice talking to you, and I didn't like that

    She remembers from a month ago?!? Get in her pants.



    Also you mentioned texting games....can you suggest a few off the top of your head?

    You already got BatMan on here, who is a conversational champ. I'd hit up T-Mal if you want text game.


    I asked her to come study with me and my wing-woman at school but she flaked twice.

    Why are you doing that? Why would you do that? Who told you that was a good idea? Stop that. Stop it right now. You've already established value; you don't need to show her trophy girls. This is college, yes? Hang out solo. I'd flake on you to if I had a vagina and you invited me to come hang out with your other vagina, regardless if she's just a friend or whatever.
    Wondering where I am now? Check out my latest project:


  8. #8
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    Default Re: Need help with girls not contributing to conversation

    I don't care nor does it matter what you're big on, because she's going to be a b*tch until you reach hook point. That's how high value women work. I believe it was Sasha who explained how seduction works like an upside down triangle--you make a big investment then put in less effort as time goes on. You can't sit back and play the cool card until you've got her invested; i.e. Hook Point. You get out what you put in. Unless you leave value in your footprints, you're going to need to invest.

    I've never heard it put that way before, but I totally agree. You can't act "too cool" and hope to be approached. Unless you're a celebrity. And yes as time goes on you invest less and less whereas she invests more and more

    She remembers from a month ago?!? Get in her pants.

    Hahaha yes!!


    You already got BatMan on here, who is a conversational champ. I'd hit up T-Mal if you want text game.

    He may not even need to. Go to insta-date!! Lol


    Why are you doing that? Why would you do that? Who told you that was a good idea? Stop that. Stop it right now. You've already established value; you don't need to show her trophy girls. This is college, yes? Hang out solo. I'd flake on you to if I had a vagina and you invited me to come hang out with your other vagina, regardless if she's just a friend or whatever.

    Lmao yes yes. No need to OVERgame. It's counterproductive in this situation and can definitely hurt your chances. Listen to Cody.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  9. #9
    Konstantin is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need help with girls not contributing to conversation

    Cody and BatMan....you guys are geniuses and I'm glad you are helping me. I'm gonna stop being a vagina and take this into my hands. Reason why I ask her to come study with me is because both of us spent 90% of our time at University and it seemed like a good idea to go so bounce to the campus bar after a while.

    My issue right now is that I don't wanna come off as needy by asking her to hang out too many times. I'm always going out on the weekends with my friends and I'm sure she'd tag along but I feel like I should be building comfort and Kino escalating at this point.

    She's also an ADD girl and it's a challenge keeping her attention at a bar, hence I think a date would be better due to less distractions.

  10. #10
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    Default Re: Need help with girls not contributing to conversation

    ...why don't you just invite her over to your place? If that doesn't work just keep taking small steps back until you find out where you need to start. Why do the build up if you don't have to? This also shows your intentions clearly so she knows what's up. No surprises.

    In the words of J.T. Tran, "Least amount of effort for the most amount of p*ssy." Lol
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