To tell someone to ‘just’ have confidence is to tell a young lad who has never worked out to lift a 200 pound weight; the actual process is fairly simple as they all say, but the training and mentality needed to perform the deed is stupendously complex and time consuming. Regardless of what any product or advertisement tells you, gaining confidence is a very long term process. It requires DEDICATION and EFFORT.
Now this is for those who are just beginning, and have some severe aa, but is also a good way to build social value.
1. Take 10 minutes every day to walk around in a crowded area for a week. It does not matter where. What does matter is that you are not actually ‘going’ somewhere per say, and you do not have an iPod or the like to distract you. Simply walk around. That’s it. Take in the scene, the crowds, and whatever else is going on. If you typically point your head to the ground, then near the end of the week make an effort to lift it to regular eye level.
2. Continue walking around for a week. But this time, make eye contact. Near the beginning, be very brief. Just a quick glance at their eyes. Then slowly increase to about three seconds. Begin to judge the distance from where you should initiate. If they meet your eyes, hold it until they break away. Also, PACE YOURSELF. Extend this by a week if you need to. As you continue doing this, begin to notice body language patterns; nothing much, just notice a pattern for now.
3. Continue walking around, but add a smile to the mix. This is often a somewhat PIANFUL part, because a lot of people will not smile back, but keep at it. Extend this part if need be as well. Notice how people respond; read their body language. Slowly start to add energy to your smile. Notice how people walk and hold themselves. As you progress, you will soon be able to tell who is most likely to smile back!
4. Do all of the above, but add a curt hello. Whatever you do, DON’T expect a hello back. It will only bring you down if you do. As you progress, add energy and warmth to your greeting. It is at this point that you should stop thinking of it as a salutation, but more of an invitation for the person you are walking toward to join in your energy and warmth, however briefly.
Congrats! I think you will find yourself a bit more hardened to rejection than before, and you will hopefully gain a bit of body language reading prowess.
Common reservations: What if I look like a creep? For what…Saying hello? Besides, they’re the ones missing out.
I don’t have the time: If you must, do it while walking to work or school or whatever, but leave early so you can walk slowly and have time to greet people.
Well that’s all for now, Vecen out.