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  1. #1
    Estate is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default I "get" the theory but my word still fail me.

    Hey,
    So I hope someone can relate to this.

    After getting into this stuff... so many times I can look at an interaction and actually "see" the phase shifts, the tests, the Push-Pull, the framesetting (by the guy AND the girl).

    Whether its when I'm in a set or when I actually see another guy approach a girl, it's very weird, I feel very aware of how the interaction is going and what stage it is at or where it is succeeding/failing. So for that, I feel grateful, I've learned a lot.


    But here is my sticking point:
    When I am in set, I still run out of the "right" things to say.
    An example being, I see she is interested but the conversation is too boring or whatever... I need to change the frame to a more secual one... I know it. I can see it... but I don't know HOW to do it, I don't know the right words.

    Does that make any sense or just seem silly? I feel very aware in an interaction but often fail to know WHAT to do or say in the moment to change it or move it to another stage unless she is complying a lot in which case it's pretty easy as she is moving it in the same direction.

    Is there specific resources or material people might suggest? I've found great articles on understanding this stuff and employing the mindsets I need to but I find the Mindset I have is not always being conveyed well in my words/actions.

    Anyway, thanks for reading, all feedback is very welcome.

  2. #2
    T-Mal's Avatar
    T-Mal is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: I "get" the theory but my word still fail me.

    In the beginning (attraction phase) you don't need to worry about what to say. There's no reason to engage in "conversations" at that point.... just focus on flirting.

    THEN, later on when you get to the rapport/comfort phase, she'll be more likely to be chatty, & bring up all kinds of subjects, so you don't have to worry about it.

    If nothing else, tell her about something that happened to you as a kid & how it still relates to you nowadays. (or how something nowadays reminds you of when you were younger.)
    Girls get hooked big time on those types of stories.



    Need one on one private coaching? PM me for details.

  3. #3
    Estate is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: I "get" the theory but my word still fail me.

    Thanks Man,

    The reason I actually asked was after a "date" last night.

    I had met a girl briefly, got her number, we text a little and arranged to meet up.
    So I know obviously before I say any of this, that I just didn't build enough attraction or maybe rapport before meeting her last night... but...

    I could tell from about 5 minutes in she wasn't into it... and after an hour I just cut the date short, she was just giving me nothing so I couldn't be bothered to sit there for another hour or two wasting me time.

    So I guess my question is really. Was I right to just "Next!" her or could I have turned it around. I felt like she wasn't really into it right from the bat so nothing I saw doing/saying was making much difference but why would she bother to meet up in the first place then? Seemed like a total waste of both our time.

  4. #4
    T-Mal's Avatar
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    Default Re: I "get" the theory but my word still fail me.

    I've had PLENTY of those same kinds of dates.
    So, there's nothing wrong with realizing "this one ain't happening" & just moving on.

    I've done that a dozen times or more.
    Just remember that you'll have to meet & go out with a lot of different girls before you find "THE ONE" (if that's what you're eventually looking for.)

    So every time you have to "Next!" another one, you're just getting one step closer to the one you actually want.

    And it's always better to cut a date short if it's not jiving. Wasting your time (and hers) doesn't do anyone any good.


    Need one on one private coaching? PM me for details.

  5. #5
    Estate is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: I "get" the theory but my word still fail me.

    I get it, thanks.
    That kinda makes me feel better... because that is how I normally think about it. Some people will like you, some won't. Some girls are right for you, some aren't and if one isn't working, just move on to the next who might.

    Its just the more I read PUA stuff, it's like EVERY interaction is there to be won. In the past if I had last nights date I would just chalk it down to, she wasn't right for me.
    But the more I read, the more it feels like *I* was wrong because it was my job to game her better or something so she goes from being not interested to creaming her pants because I told some dhv story about a puppy or something.

    The weird thing is, I just don't see that in the real world. If I co-worker I didn't like tried to DHV me with some stupid story, I'd probably think he was even more of an idiot, not love the guy.

    Surely not EVERY set is there to be won? Despite what the best PUAs have us think, surely not winning over some girls doesn't mean I am a total failure at life?!?!?

  6. #6
    linking is offline Banned
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    Default Re: I "get" the theory but my word still fail me.

    The whole idea of the Mindset of every battle should be be is more to help you learn than anything, personally when I don't get the result I want I now look at it and think about what I done wrong or could have done better rather than blaming it on her being cold. It could well have been because she was cold but it helps my game to analyse what I could have done better. I hope this makes sense lol, it's a hard idea to articulate :L

    And there is always going to be a set where it's hard to shif into the right phase just comes down to practise

    Linking x

  7. #7
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    Vecen is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: I "get" the theory but my word still fail me.

    If you want to beceome an mPUA then yes that Mindset is good, otherwise ignore it.

    Most PUAs simply tell you that to make you put serious effort into your game or to lure you into buying their product.
    "My enemies are advanced, bold, intelligent and powerful. But I am evolved"
    -Kerrigan


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