Re: i want to start approaching women, but...
I think you've missed the point a little. Look deeper, you'll find that women aren't attracted to a particular script, trick, or gimmick, but rather its underlying principles. Take a look at the really good PUA s, all of them are 100% Alpha Male- that is what makes them so successful!
You feel like the scripts used in these self-help books are tricks. Don't use them then. There is no way that these will consistently work for you if you are not congruent.
You don't need to act like a jerk for you to be successful with women. You do need to act like an Alpha. Scratch that, BE an Alpha. You've got to be constantly looking to improve yourself. The guys on this forum are really great. Take a look at some of their threads on being Alpha.
This does not mean that you should change your personality. Don't even try that, you will just be acting. If you're empathetic and caring... great! Be the guy that has a soft side, and that always knows how someone else is feeling.
What you should not be is shy. If you have an opinion on something, share it. Why is it any less valid than anyone else's? Focus on building up your self esteem. How can you expect anyone else to love you if you do not love yourself.
The balance is wherever you see it. If you don't want to be a jerk, don't be a jerk. Women aren't attracted to jerks, they are attracted to guys who are at ease with themselves and among others- the leaders of the group.
"It ain't about how hard you can hit. It's about how hard you can be hit and keep moving forward"