Iím going to make a basic post about body language. Many other people have great things about body language, this is just my contribution to it to.
Number one rule of body language, keep your chest open.
Number two rule, smile.
Seriously, see rule number one? Thatís the key. Donít cross your arms. Donít put your hands together at all actually. Are you holding a drink? DO NOT hold it in front of your chest.
If you have a drink, the best place to put it is to hold it down by your side. Trust me. Even better, as you approach a set, I set it on their table, like instinctively. It locks you in and allows you to keep talking with your hands.
Now smile. Honestly, a fake smile is better than no smile. Smiling is alpha, its higher energy. Smiling is contagious, it gets other people to smile and open up to you. When I was starting out on game, Iíd remind myself right before I walked in to a bar to stand up straight, head up, and smile. Try to think of something funny, or do a fake little laugh right before you walk in, makes your smile sneak out easier. Now keep that smile.
Letís try an exercise.
Stand up straight. Feet shoulder width apart, slightly wider if its comfortable. Stand up straight. Straighter. Puff your chest up a little. No not like that. Imagine theres a hook in the center of your chest pulling up slightly and holding it there. You donít want to push out awkwardly, you just want your chest to be strong and open. This should feel natural and comfortable.
Now keep your head up. It can almost be like youíre looking down your nose, butÖ not quite like that actually. Just, not down.
Now your hands. Let them fall by your side. Just sitting there. Yea, this feels weird. Because weíve been trained over 20 years (give or take your age) to be insecure people. We want to fiddle with bracelets, we want to put our hands together, we want to cross our arms, we want to put our hands in our pockets. All of these betray insecurities. Practice this stance, adopt this, make this how you stand now.
When you talk, use your hands. If youíre not talking, let your hands sit by your side. Gesture as you talk, touch people (http://www.puaforums.com/how-pick-up...ino-guide.html). If your hands are naturally open and confident, kino gets really easy.
In general, you want to take up space. Not so much space that it gets awkward or makes it obvious your doing it. Use your hands to talk is a way to take up space, it commands attention, it shows youíre alpha. When you sit, putting your arm back on the chair next to you is also alpha. Crosing your arms is beta. Sitting them on the table or your lap is kinda neutral, not horrible but definitely not alpha.
Keep your palms open and your hands exposed. Close fists indicate frustration or anger or defensiveness.
Do not cross your feet. Sometimes in a chair its ok to cross your legs if youíre leaning back, when youíre standing, donít. When youíre sitting, donít cross your feet, thatís also insecure, your legs are ok, your feet are not.
Now eye contact Ė make it a point to make eye contact with people. Next time youíre walking and see a cute girl try this. Lock eyes and count to 3.
That it, one, two, three. We instinctively avoid eye contact and look away before the 3 seconds hit. If you pass 3 seconds, its alpha and makes an instant connection with someone. If youíve held your gaze and they held theirs, go up and say hi. Your intro doesnít have to be clever, just say hi.
At some point before you hit 3 every time youíre gonna feel an instinct to look away. Fight it, donít look away. Hold that damn gaze past 3, something like 4 seconds or whatever, just to break that comfort level. Then smile. This is part of a warm opener Iím not really addressing here, just understand eye contact is extremely important and this whole 3 second thing is one of the strongest individual tips I can give you about body language and eye contact.
There are the first rules, now lets talk about the psychology behind them. Iím going to highly recommend you read other well written books on body language, Iíve read several years ago before I even knew what game was and my ability to read people skyrocketed, it has helped my game phenomenally.
Keeping your chest open shows that you are not afraid of anything. In traditional psychology it means youíre not afraid of being attacked. Youíre essentially exposing your most protected and vulnerable area. If you cover it up, it shows youíre insecure or nervous, its beta.
Anything you do to cover up, hide your face, hide your chest, hide your hands, is insecure. Itís beta. Stop doing those things. Stay open.
Next time youíre at a bar, watch how many guys hold their drinks in front of their chest. How many girls are they talking to?
Watch people as you sit, look under the table and see if their feet are crossed. Start to observe these things and just think to yourself Ė what vibe is that person giving me? It gets easier to read as you start to intentionally observe it.
One thing Iíve learned and confirmed about body language, closed postures make people less receptive. Crossing your arms makes you less receptive to other people. Literally, you are not as interested in their message.
Now on approach, in general Indirect Approach the key is to keep your body turned away as though you could leave at any minut. Your feet should not be pointing towards them, you turn somewhat toward them with the rest of your body, but keep your body partly turned away as youíre going through your opener.
To be honest, after years of doing it I approach somewhat more direct, I will face the set and be somewhere in the middle of everyone so I can kino everyone better. This is a mix of Direct Game because Iím portraying some interest based on my position, I do it because Iíve pretty much mastered my frame control so I can hold my own value regardless. For newer people, follow the preceding paragraph.
Next, donít ďpeckĒ. That is, donít lean in too much, or that bit where you keep leaning in back and forth to make sure youíre heard. You want to speak up so that they can hear you, and lean back so that they are the ones leaning in to you. If you keep leaning in youíre betraying too much interest in a beta way. Youíre trying too hard to get their attention. You want to be loud and secure enough that you command their attention without having to beg for it.
Now Ė lets talk about reading body language. This is partly a discussion of reading IOIs, but more fundamentally about understanding their body language.
Watch peopleís shoulders, imagine theirs an arrow out of their chest perpendicular to their shoulders, if that points more toward you, interest, if their body is pointed more away, dis-interest. People will turn their heads to have a conversation and be nice, but they will not turn their body if they are not interested.
Watch their hands, are they fiddling? Is she covering her face? Are her arms crossed? These are all bad signs. Signs of insecurity and dis-interest.
If a girl is leaning in toward you, generally means sheís interested. If she maintains eye contact, generally means sheís interested. Smiling Ė please donít tell me I have to explain that one.
The opposite of each of these is also true.
This is not a comprehensive post about IOIs, its just about the basics of understanding body language, yours and hers. Once you really truly understand body language you donít need a list of IOIs anymore, you should be able to read a girl like a book.
Work on your body language and work on understanding everyone elses. It will help your game phenomenally.