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Thread: Very great start and story - how to not destroy it?

  1. #1
    unsurprisingly is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Very great start and story - how to not destroy it?

    I just need an advice from you, please keep it serious and I will be VERY thankful. Sorry for my English it is not very easy to explain it. I think I did many things OK, well, it is real life so we are not ideal but I am writing so you can give me some help here. And please, only serious posts.

    I am 35 and I met a 25 y.o. HB9 I think on one event. I am musician that has many passions in his life. *It was a painters party or something. I started to talk to one girl and I was surprised because she after a minute just guessed what perfume I was using and said that he trusts the people who smell this way The nicest thing that happened to me, isn't it? She told me that she was playing on an instrument before but gave it up completely. (better for me that she knows what is music)*
    After a while I went somewhere and had to try to find her again - she was speaking at another table somewhere with another woman - it looked as a private meeting - not a good situation for me. Anyway I had to go so I have decided to come and asked her if she could give me her email. She looked at me and at her girl friend and said "I don't know if I want to give it to you" - looking at friend's face, who I am sure was discouraging her of giving me the contact. No idea why. *Finally she gave me some official email.
    I thought: well, if she is like that that she lost any interest in me in 10 minutes I am not going to talk to her because the girl must be stupid or someone does a bad job for me.*
    *After a week I decided anyway to email her, very light, and I wrote something like hello, we met there, that it was a big surprise to me that she guessed the smell and that it has never happened to me. And that I think it is interesting I would like to know what she does and I sent her some of my music. And that maybe she is interested to arrive for a small concert that I am going to play.*
    *She replied very soon, and I was surprised again - she told me that she has listened to some more music that I sent to her, and that she likes it, gave me her phone and we met next day.
    There was a private meeting at her work so she escaped from there for a while and we met in a bar. She told me at first that she thought I won't email her, looked a bit as if she was waiting for this. It was a strange thing, because I felt as a guru, she told me that she loves people with passion, and that I must have many girls that want to meet me. I was a kind of big world for her - during a small talk I realised that she is a very fragile girl, completely different that I thought, that she needs someone who *would accept her and so on. I knew what to do, I started to play the game. I was pretending that I am *not interested too much in her, with a proud face, only talking, but I saw some Kino gestures *from her. I invited her that if she wants she can go for a concert with me - then she said that she must go for a while back to the work meeting and then we can go for the concert. Those kino gestures where really big and many of them. *I waited about 10 minutes for her (thinking about writing her that unfortunately I had to go) but she came back and we went out together. *

    We started to talk a bit later again and I had a car so suggested to drive her home. In the car I thought *- well, enough, I have kissed her mouth suddenly and she looked happy, although it didn't take long. Then after a while I gave her my music - and you know what? She kissed me by herself back again. She was so happy. I was trying to take her to my place but, well I think i love her, so I didn't want to loose her this way, too many pressure - she said that sex is pleasant but she doesn't want to do this on the first meeting - I gave her a lift home and I said that it is important for me what she feels. (You can say it is good or not, but I felt it was the only way)
    In 2 days we just met to go to one shop together to buy many things and watch furnitures . She told me that in 2 hours or something she was planning to go with her flatmate to buy some clothes, she promised him already some days ago. But I thought maybe she postponed it and was not asking too much. She was texting something to her flatmate.

    It took us with a lunch about 4 hours!, we were talking and were happy, there were no problems to keep our hands together sometimes. She told me something about herself that in her family house it was not easy, because her father was very often keeping distance on her, telling that he is too lazy or too something or that she doesn't look well and so on... *And that now in a bigger city work is important for her and she is happy with this.
    Than a surprise. After we went out from the shop I wanted to invite her home (we were talking before about listening to music in my studio, she really wanted this). *But she had to call her flatmate *again and knew that he was angry, and that anyway shops are closed already or something. She told that she will be back soon. I didn't know what to do, the situation was not nice for a moment - I had a choice to take her with her things to her house (and the worse to help her taking heavy things home) or to force her a bit to go with me (she felt a little obliged because I took her to the shop). A small worth nothing discussion and *I had to decide. We were listening to the music a bit, I thought *she would love with me (as 2 days ago she looked as if she really wanted) but she was just before her period(!) so she was a bit moody. *And also _she told me before_ that her ex boyfriend some months ago *was not good for her, that he was not thinking about her too much while having sex (doing this when she was not well prepared) and that she was for more than *6 years with this man and had several guys in the meantime because of this stupid situation but nothing serious...

    The most important: she said that we cannot do too many things because she feels that something has just started with her flatmate(!) *That there was nothing before but some time ago the flatmate has just removed his shell and started suddenly to feel something more being very good to her and helpful - because _he started to like her as she is_ *not being angry when she is spontaneous and accidentally *spills out water on the floor (!) and so on, and that this is first time like this, and she feels that she doesn't want to be not OK with him and maybe loves him... We were not kissing this time, I was touching her a bit, kissing her breast and saw that she is very excited, than she didn't want to go forward, she just was trying to persuade me that she has to go... Well, maybe for sure, I did it too early, she said after a while that it is a little bad that she allowed me for this. Anyway I had a feeling that it was good to her.

    Before everything I was just curious what she thinks about boys and about relations, I asked her some questions she told me that when she is with someone she likes to be constant and that she would like to be with a boy for longer, that she likes children and so on. I think from my side it is a real love so I would like to ask you how to not destroy this relation, to not show her that I am too needy and still to keep her looking at me with some admire.

    Next day I thought that I have to distance her a bit so I wrote her a text (maybe stupid) that we can meet for a tea next time but I don't like to involve myself in someone's good relationship. And send her very special christmas music from me singing her name in it (I know how well she was reacting before when I was playing the guitar).
    She wrote me back that it was so good to get this kind of gift , and that it is so important to her the respect and taking so much of my time for her. And that she feels very encouraged by this.*
    And *something that I am not able to guess what it means (please help here): *that it was not her intention that our meeting was something that would in any way disentangle her from the situation that she is and feels comfortable. That she is not a person that wants to make some manipulations and entangle people into a tangle of her groundless thoughts. And that she is sorry for the mess and she will clean up soon...

    I feel the girl is very intelligent and at first she seemed to be unapproachable - I feel she likes me very much but I don't want to do mistakes as I usually do and not show the girl that I can do everything for her.

    I hope I am not already "a friend" for her and would like NEVER to let it happen! Maybe you know what to do? Any thoughts? And sorry for my English again

    How to not destroy all of this?*
    Thanks!

  2. #2
    unsurprisingly is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Very great start and story - how to not destroy it?

    Dear Moderators, maybe I should have posted it in Ask An Expert?

  3. #3
    hyp
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    Default Re: Very great start and story - how to not destroy it?

    I'm reading it on my phone, just message one of the experts that suits your style to help you look over it as well but ill try and give you a hand

    well from what I read it sounds like she's into you, Kino, the make out , you kissing her breast lol -----all while there's a POSSIBLE connection with her flat mate, clearly there's a connection between you two, probably amp up your kino with her more constantly and if possible take her to the beach if its warm / hot

    she sh1t tested you a bit I think especially when you asked for her email, you failed it by taking her crap but she gave you the benefit of the doubt and gave you her email, hence the reaction of hers when you sent her the email but yea there's attraction, you just need to seal it, be confident/alpha , also playing songs to her is enough to melt her, personally I think you should save the song about her for when you guys are together, it's a lot of interest too quick on your end ... dunno about that, cause it usually ends bad

  4. #4
    unsurprisingly is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Very great start and story - how to not destroy it?

    Thanks.
    How should I send it to moderators- to which one?
    Well the song was not for her exactly - not so much! It was just. Christmas greetings with her name at the end "for you".
    I had to take the contact - no other choice left.

  5. #5
    hyp
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    Default Re: Very great start and story - how to not destroy it?

    She looked at me and at her girl friend and said "I don't know if I want to give it to you" - looking at friend's face, who I am sure was discouraging her of giving me the contact. No idea why.
    i would've adjusted my body language as if i was about to leave, looked at my watch, and if nothing happened in 5 - 10 seconds, "it was a pleasure meeting you"
    -you'll think i'm crazy but it comes down to not giving a fqck, i'd rather come out knowing i was a man about it rather than a kid taking candy from someone else ===> don't underestimate the bottom of the barrel scraping though, i was the 5th hookup of my ex the night i met her, and we had a blast when we were together but yeah just saying, this was bad in the beginning and maybe something awesome can come of it, but don't put her on the pedastool and idolise her, even i idolise you for playing guitar !

    http://www.puaforums.com/ask-expert/...right-you.html

  6. #6
    unsurprisingly is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Very great start and story - how to not destroy it?

    Could you Please explain it other words? For me it is difficult to understand this.
    -you'll think i'm crazy but it comes down to not giving a fqck [what is it- kiss?] , i'd rather come out knowing i was a man about it rather than a kid taking candy from someone else
    [this I am not sure what you mean]

    ===> don't underestimate the bottom of the barrel scraping though, [Sorry I am not English, sometimes very difficult to me to understand this kind of language...]

    i was the 5th hookup of my ex the night i met her, and we had a blast when we were together but yeah just saying, this was bad in the beginning and maybe something awesome can come of it, but don't put her on the pedastool and idolise her, even i idolise you for playing guitar ! [idolise me for playing guitar?]

  7. #7
    hyp
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    Default Re: Very great start and story - how to not destroy it?

    -you'll think i'm crazy but it comes down to not giving a fqck, i'd rather come out knowing i was a man about it rather than a kid taking candy from someone else
    i mean if she's hesitant about giving her email, she might not want to and might have given it just because she was seeing if you were a man or not by how you would deal with the reaction

    don't underestimate the bottom of the barrel scraping though,
    bottom of the barrel is like...something bad, having no standards,

    but don't put her on the pedastool and idolise her, even i idolise you for playing guitar ! [idolise me for playing guitar?]
    yeah i started 2-3 weeks ago and it's pretty hard haha it requires alot of skill just like anything else, i'm trying to play meridian by august burns red :P

  8. #8
    unsurprisingly is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Very great start and story - how to not destroy it?

    Thanks for helping me, sorry again for my English. I need again some thoughts from you about the same girl - now I need to try to understand this from someone's else point of view. I am sure I did some mistakes but many things happened and I have some sincere reaction from the girl.\

    I want to remind you that this is a girl that loved my smell on the first meeting and that on the second meeting I kissed her with no problem and she maybe felt ashamed a bit but was happy that I took things into my hands.

    The girl texted me also that the meeting (at my home) gave her a lot to think about and that she was listening a lot to my music and would like to paint something because of it.

    She went home for Christmas but when she couldn’t pick up my phone once she was always saying sorry and finally she was happy to talk to me.
    Maybe some things happened too fast I know, but I am describing the case I think is very interesting what the girl says. I have the red light I think now By the way I never met a girl who was telling such things so quickly.

    I was trying to catch her before the end of the year – she finally replied me that it was very cold on the train, delays, and she is angry: "hormones and different problems you know - So I don't have any will to talk. I had some stomach problems and have still a lot of work that I haven’t done because I was lazy at Christmas" Anyway I wanted to speak to her and told her not to worry, that I have a lot of energy today. I spontaneously asked her if she could go out from home, maybe she would feel better, and that I will be in 5 minutes with my car in front of her house, explaining her that she doesn’t need to dress up too much. She told me that she will think about it - and in 5 minutes I received a message "OK".

    She came down and we were sitting in a car (she arrived to me as she was, in not any go-out dress), we had some spontaneous talk. Although she was doing a small Kino on exchanging greetings, but later I could see that she was tired and was trying to distance me, because some other thing happened that she didn't want to talk to me about (I was asking) and made her sad.

    I was trying to not let her to frame me - so at once when she arrived I just opened something on my telephone and was speaking about a nice movie in the cinema, she was positively surprised, liked my ideas, but didn’t decide to go (I think the bad dress, feeling and she wanted to meet with me for a while only). Then we moved somewhere (I was not asking her too much) and finally I took her to a nice cafe that she didn’t know. (was not comfortable for me sitting in a car) Then she was very happy to eat something sweet. In the meantime she told me something like that it was incredible that I always do what I want and I am always getting it...

    During our meeting and at the end she was trying several times to distance me and told something that we cannot kiss or something - and I had a bit enough of it (was afraid she will say something about being friends) - I told her half-joking that kissing should be a prize for her, and if I need I will anyway do it. I saw her face and realized she was sad. Then she asked me to remove from my car some of her shopping (I had one of her fornitures in my car). She gave me a hug and a small kiss and I went home.

    Because I realized that I have hurted her I texted her greetings for a new year and that in spite of my jokes I know that her sensibility needs a special care – [uhh too bad probably, but maybe not...]. I had a feeling that she wanted to tell me something in my car but she realized that it doesn’t make sense because I was behaving like not thinking about her at all, so I was trying to provoke here a bit to reply now.

    She finally wrote me a long text: “I usually don’t like text, so I was not replying. I don’t need intensive contact with people and I am not talking only about you. F.ex with my best friend I speak max twice a month and he also does feel it. You write about taking care but when I told you that I didn’t want you to kiss me or was trying to move out to keep distance you didn’t mind at all saying that 1.If you want you do it anyway 2. That it is a surprise for me. I know it was joking a bit but I don’t want to hide that you hurt me. You’ve got you own vision and you do it, and you are very concentrated on this. So much IMHO that doing something nice to me anyway your feelings about realization of this vision are in the center. I think many people don’t feel it but anyway I am [she does some computer design] and artist and very egoistic (we are similar in details). So I feel more in your behavior that other people. You fill in a lot of space with your personality looking for an inspiration. I need the same, it is as two thirsty creatures sitting in front one glass of water. One will always be thirsty. I don’t want this message to sound unpleasant to you, but my sincerity doesn’t allow me not to write about this.”


    I thought this time I had to be sincere and not run away from the problem! Maybe it is not very PUA, but when is the time to not act a game in your life but be sincere... I replied with something that I just was trying to provoke her a bit to write this. That she didn’t even know how much I really did notice her reaction on what I said in spite that I was joking a bit. I wrote about taking care because I realized that maybe she doesn’t know how big respect I give to her. And that I had a big lesson in my life because during last 2 years someone was doing jokes of me and I was able to give everything for that person, not thinking about me at all.
    I don’t need to take space, I have mine and that she even doesn’t know how difficult it was for me to talk to her when we started to talk and I realized that she is from the world so close to mine that it was hard believe. And that I wanted only to tell her that I am not meeting her for an interesting adventure and have nothing to say more that I feel responsible if she ever trusts me.

    She replied after 2 hours: “Sir: Don’t worry. Such girls like me don’t anger but sometimes do some noise. You are older than me also in your experience at work so it is also hard for me to give you hell if if something hurts me or if I take something a different way. I would like a normal relation and this what happens now goes out of my control. I have sometimes enough of men and am not looking for a man but I was always looking for “related souls” which I could exchange experience with. And I have received that you are like this.
    And then something got blurred because I am sometimes not adult enough, not firm enough and not stable and that’s why so strange situations happen...
    If you bake a cake for the first time it is not perfect and this is the same with people. I like to have 100% of not stress. As a cat...when I don’t like something I simply turn around and I lay where I like. This kind of... wild. Greetings...”


    I replied only [I think it was good] : “What has to deal with it my seniority at work...? If you baked me as a cake you would control everything - but I would be predictable - as the man you are for sure not going to find”

    By the way I reminded she told me on the second meeting that for 7 years she was with a guy that was trying to fark her when she was even not prepared and thinking only about himself she didn’t have any joy from this and it was very bad. (maybe he was her first man...)


    This is for me difficult because I don’t understand this kind of relationship very well. I cannot be too Alfa becasue the girl is so fragile here, have no idea what now. I know I HAVE TO wait about a week not talking to her at all and I will because I think I really love her. I can ( I was even trying) to have some other girls at the same time, easlily but this situation is maybe worth of thinking and understanding. Thanks.

  9. #9
    hyp
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    Default Re: Very great start and story - how to not destroy it?

    "hormones and different problems you know - So I don't have any will to talk. I had some stomach problems and have still a lot of work that I haven’t done because I was lazy at Christmas"

    yeah sometimes as guys we forget that they have pms

    good date setup btw

    I could see that she was tired and was trying to distance me, because some other thing happened that she didn't want to talk to me about (I was asking) and made her sad.

    maybe she has a health issue or found out something bad, don't worry too much or get involved in it

    In the meantime she told me something like that it was incredible that I always do what I want and I am always getting it...

    alpha

    Because I realized that I have hurted her I texted her greetings

    i personally don't think by the story up until this point that you hurt her at all, but then again it's up to her to decide what hurts her and what doesn't, so you didn't have to apologise (if you did)

    on a side note she seems fragile, not social (like with her computer design) and distancing herself from humans - maybe she had a really bad experience, rape? not sure but if you can take her to a river where it's calm and quiet, and try to find out if you're genuinely interested because her defenses are through the roof! (high)---btw she does respect you

    I would like a normal relation and this what happens now goes out of my control. I have sometimes enough of men and am not looking for a man but I was always looking for “related souls” which I could exchange experience with. And I have received that you are like this.

    to put this blunt, she likes you, WANTS TO BE WITH YOU but (read the following)

    If you bake a cake for the first time it is not perfect and this is the same with people. I like to have 100% of not stress. As a cat...when I don’t like something I simply turn around and I lay where I like. This kind of... wild. Greetings...”

    she doesn't want to get hurt, so she would "rather" (inverted commas because i feel you can bring her out of her comfort zone) be on her own and not be exposed to pressure

    I replied only [I think it was good] : “What has to deal with it my seniority at work...? If you baked me as a cake you would control everything - but I would be predictable - as the man you are for sure not going to find”

    haha that's like Our language


    to sum up:: she's a nice woman, more fragile that a glass mirror, she'll need alot of comfort, you'll need to gradually increase the Kino rather than just go full kiss close every time, as even the kiss is a big deal for her

    By the way I reminded she told me on the second meeting that for 7 years she was with a guy that was trying to fark her when she was even not prepared and thinking only about himself she didn’t have any joy from this and it was very bad. (maybe he was her first man...)

    probably yeah, i didn't read this up until now as i was analysing it but yeah this is the source of the issue, i'm not sure, 7 years and then they have sex and she doesn't like it? that story seems unfinished for her to react this way, i suspect maybe she was forced, but anyway not our problem, the main thing is:

    1. do you want to wait a long time to be with this girl physically (with the pua knowledge it can be speeded)?

    2.do you want her for a long term relationship

    she's a weak character and one wrong move might destroy everything

    also how old are you guys and what country / backgrounds?

  10. #10
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    Default Re: Very great start and story - how to not destroy it?

    Dear Hyp, thanks again for your help. Concerning your thoughts:

    "hormones and different problems you know - So I don't have any will to talk. I had some stomach problems and have still a lot of work that I haven’t done because I was lazy at Christmas"
    yeah sometimes as guys we forget that they have pms

    I think she was just after her pms, because it started a day before Christmas (she told me he had an “egg pain”) - so it couldn’t take so long, who knows...

    In the meantime she told me something like that it was incredible that I always do what I want and I am always getting it...
    alpha

    Yes this was interesting why shy took me like that, in fact I was just trying to play this game at the first meeting, I was trying to keep it for longer time, but I had a feeling that the girl is not playing with me but really likes me, from the very first meeting. Have you heard from a girl just after you met her, the first day during 5 first minutes "Oh, i trust people that smell with this, and she guessed what I smellt with"

    on a side note she seems fragile, not social (like with her computer design) and distancing herself from humans - maybe she had a really bad experience, rape? not sure but if you can take her to a river where it's calm and quiet, and try to find out if you're genuinely interested because her defenses are through the roof! (high)---btw she does respect you
    We were, the cafe was near the river, rather lonely place - can you explain me what you mean - to find out if I am genuinely interested - yes I am.

    I know she started a new work 2 months ago and she is happy that someone needs her, she is trying to be good. She told me at our second meeting that she is from a very small town and her parents didn't have enough money or something like this so she is happy she is on her own. She told me also that at home her father was always criticizing her (that's why she was surprised when her flatmate started to like when she was not doing things well (poor water on the floor etc)
    Maybe this is also an issue - she reacted very positively at me just after she realized that I am really doing a lot and am successful (but I am not very well known). She told me that she loves people that have passion.

    I would like a normal relation and this what happens now goes out of my control. I have sometimes enough of men and am not looking for a man but I was always looking for “related souls” which I could exchange experience with. And I have received that you are like this.

    to put this blunt, she likes you, WANTS TO BE WITH YOU but (read the following)

    If you bake a cake for the first time it is not perfect and this is the same with people. I like to have 100% of not stress. As a cat...when I don’t like something I simply turn around and I lay where I like. This kind of... wild. Greetings...”

    she doesn't want to get hurt, so she would "rather" (inverted commas because i feel you can bring her out of her comfort zone) be on her own and not be exposed to pressure

    I replied only [I think it was good] : “What has to deal with it my seniority at work...? If you baked me as a cake you would control everything - but I would be predictable - as the man you are for sure not going to find”

    haha that's like Our language
    It was clever...


    to sum up:: she's a nice woman, more fragile that a glass mirror, she'll need alot of comfort, you'll need to gradually increase the Kino rather than just go full kiss close every time, as even the kiss is a big deal for her

    By the way I reminded she told me on the second meeting that for 7 years she was with a guy that was trying to fark her when she was even not prepared and thinking only about himself she didn’t have any joy from this and it was very bad. (maybe he was her first man...)

    the main thing is:

    1. do you want to wait a long time to be with this girl physically (with the pua knowledge it can be speeded)?
    Depends how long, I am 37 almost 38 and she is 25, I am trying to learn more PUA knowledge. By the way it never happened to me so big interest (but in a positive way, that the girl really likes what I do, not only looks at me)

    2.do you want her for a long term relationship
    YES!
    she's a weak character and one wrong move might destroy everything

    I wonder if she is week. What wrong move? What are you thinking about?

    [I]also how old are you guys and what country / backgrounds?
    This is Poland, it is OK, not the end of world

    The question if she is to everyone nice like to me ( I don’t know her friends).
    And if she is not going to put me into the “friend mode”. How to avoid it...

    I wonder also what happened to her when she was sad (she told me that something happened but didn't want to say, I had a feeling that it was something personal - maybe a man, maybe her flatmate)

    I am not sure, maybe the only way to go now is to stop talking and texting to her for a week... Hard to say if it is real interest and if she would miss me...


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