I just need an advice from you, please keep it serious and I will be VERY thankful. Sorry for my English it is not very easy to explain it. I think I did many things OK, well, it is real life so we are not ideal but I am writing so you can give me some help here. And please, only serious posts.
I am 35 and I met a 25 y.o. HB9 I think on one event. I am musician that has many passions in his life. *It was a painters party or something. I started to talk to one girl and I was surprised because she after a minute just guessed what perfume I was using and said that he trusts the people who smell this way The nicest thing that happened to me, isn't it? She told me that she was playing on an instrument before but gave it up completely. (better for me that she knows what is music)*
After a while I went somewhere and had to try to find her again - she was speaking at another table somewhere with another woman - it looked as a private meeting - not a good situation for me. Anyway I had to go so I have decided to come and asked her if she could give me her email. She looked at me and at her girl friend and said "I don't know if I want to give it to you" - looking at friend's face, who I am sure was discouraging her of giving me the contact. No idea why. *Finally she gave me some official email.
I thought: well, if she is like that that she lost any interest in me in 10 minutes I am not going to talk to her because the girl must be stupid or someone does a bad job for me.*
*After a week I decided anyway to email her, very light, and I wrote something like hello, we met there, that it was a big surprise to me that she guessed the smell and that it has never happened to me. And that I think it is interesting I would like to know what she does and I sent her some of my music. And that maybe she is interested to arrive for a small concert that I am going to play.*
*She replied very soon, and I was surprised again - she told me that she has listened to some more music that I sent to her, and that she likes it, gave me her phone and we met next day.
There was a private meeting at her work so she escaped from there for a while and we met in a bar. She told me at first that she thought I won't email her, looked a bit as if she was waiting for this. It was a strange thing, because I felt as a guru, she told me that she loves people with passion, and that I must have many girls that want to meet me. I was a kind of big world for her - during a small talk I realised that she is a very fragile girl, completely different that I thought, that she needs someone who *would accept her and so on. I knew what to do, I started to play the game. I was pretending that I am *not interested too much in her, with a proud face, only talking, but I saw some Kino gestures *from her. I invited her that if she wants she can go for a concert with me - then she said that she must go for a while back to the work meeting and then we can go for the concert. Those kino gestures where really big and many of them. *I waited about 10 minutes for her (thinking about writing her that unfortunately I had to go) but she came back and we went out together. *
We started to talk a bit later again and I had a car so suggested to drive her home. In the car I thought *- well, enough, I have kissed her mouth suddenly and she looked happy, although it didn't take long. Then after a while I gave her my music - and you know what? She kissed me by herself back again. She was so happy. I was trying to take her to my place but, well I think i love her, so I didn't want to loose her this way, too many pressure - she said that sex is pleasant but she doesn't want to do this on the first meeting - I gave her a lift home and I said that it is important for me what she feels. (You can say it is good or not, but I felt it was the only way)
In 2 days we just met to go to one shop together to buy many things and watch furnitures . She told me that in 2 hours or something she was planning to go with her flatmate to buy some clothes, she promised him already some days ago. But I thought maybe she postponed it and was not asking too much. She was texting something to her flatmate.
It took us with a lunch about 4 hours!, we were talking and were happy, there were no problems to keep our hands together sometimes. She told me something about herself that in her family house it was not easy, because her father was very often keeping distance on her, telling that he is too lazy or too something or that she doesn't look well and so on... *And that now in a bigger city work is important for her and she is happy with this.
Than a surprise. After we went out from the shop I wanted to invite her home (we were talking before about listening to music in my studio, she really wanted this). *But she had to call her flatmate *again and knew that he was angry, and that anyway shops are closed already or something. She told that she will be back soon. I didn't know what to do, the situation was not nice for a moment - I had a choice to take her with her things to her house (and the worse to help her taking heavy things home) or to force her a bit to go with me (she felt a little obliged because I took her to the shop). A small worth nothing discussion and *I had to decide. We were listening to the music a bit, I thought *she would love with me (as 2 days ago she looked as if she really wanted) but she was just before her period(!) so she was a bit moody. *And also _she told me before_ that her ex boyfriend some months ago *was not good for her, that he was not thinking about her too much while having sex (doing this when she was not well prepared) and that she was for more than *6 years with this man and had several guys in the meantime because of this stupid situation but nothing serious...
The most important: she said that we cannot do too many things because she feels that something has just started with her flatmate(!) *That there was nothing before but some time ago the flatmate has just removed his shell and started suddenly to feel something more being very good to her and helpful - because _he started to like her as she is_ *not being angry when she is spontaneous and accidentally *spills out water on the floor (!) and so on, and that this is first time like this, and she feels that she doesn't want to be not OK with him and maybe loves him... We were not kissing this time, I was touching her a bit, kissing her breast and saw that she is very excited, than she didn't want to go forward, she just was trying to persuade me that she has to go... Well, maybe for sure, I did it too early, she said after a while that it is a little bad that she allowed me for this. Anyway I had a feeling that it was good to her.
Before everything I was just curious what she thinks about boys and about relations, I asked her some questions she told me that when she is with someone she likes to be constant and that she would like to be with a boy for longer, that she likes children and so on. I think from my side it is a real love so I would like to ask you how to not destroy this relation, to not show her that I am too needy and still to keep her looking at me with some admire.
Next day I thought that I have to distance her a bit so I wrote her a text (maybe stupid) that we can meet for a tea next time but I don't like to involve myself in someone's good relationship. And send her very special christmas music from me singing her name in it (I know how well she was reacting before when I was playing the guitar).
She wrote me back that it was so good to get this kind of gift , and that it is so important to her the respect and taking so much of my time for her. And that she feels very encouraged by this.*
And *something that I am not able to guess what it means (please help here): *that it was not her intention that our meeting was something that would in any way disentangle her from the situation that she is and feels comfortable. That she is not a person that wants to make some manipulations and entangle people into a tangle of her groundless thoughts. And that she is sorry for the mess and she will clean up soon...
I feel the girl is very intelligent and at first she seemed to be unapproachable - I feel she likes me very much but I don't want to do mistakes as I usually do and not show the girl that I can do everything for her.
I hope I am not already "a friend" for her and would like NEVER to let it happen! Maybe you know what to do? Any thoughts? And sorry for my English again
How to not destroy all of this?*