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  1. #1
    Razer is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Where do I begin?

    Hi!

    I'm new to the game. I read "The Game" by Neil "Style" Strauss during the summer but I didn't get interested in the game until about two weeks ago.

    It wasn't until few days ago that I decided to take control over ... my life. I work as a server in a restaurant in downtown Toronto and the most perfect 10 shows up and I get to serve her table. I know she liked me because I heard her telling her friend she thinks I'm cute and funny. I was too afraid to make a move though. I know it's not because I was working. In fact, if I had met her at a different time, different place, I probably wouldn't have approached her either.

    That's when I realised that the problem is entirely in me. Even though I knew she felt attraction towards me, I wouldn't make a move.

    I've been going to malls during the day for the past few days, walking around, looking at the beautiful girls (that are usually in sets of 2+), trying to get the courage to overcome my aa, but never actually getting the balls to do anything. Perhaps it's because I don't really know what to say when I approach them. "Hey, I saw you from over there and I thought I should come to tell you that I think you're really cute and I'd like to get to know you better. Hi, my name's X". This is the opener I came up with but never actually ever used because never overcame my AA.

    I'm not handsome, but I'm not ugly either. According to my friends I'm 7.5~8, I'm 6"1(182cm), 155lb (70kg), lean, I work out almost every day, I'm in good shape. And yet I always feel like I will either get rejected or get laughed at, with not even a chance for positive answer. I guess partly it's because I'm 19 and I've only made out with one girl once (this summer), never had a girlfriend, never had sex and all the girl friends I've had, I friendzone by mistake. So far, I've been rejected/friendzoned by almost every girl I've tried to become more than friends with. What I'm trying to say is that I think my AA is so high because of not only the lack of experience I've had with girls, but also because of the negative experience I've had.

    I just turned 19 on December 25th (which is the legal drinking age in Toronto, Canada) and I can finally go clubbing and to bars (legally ).

    I guess my question is, since I've decided to take control of my life, where do I begin? I need a starting point because right now it feels like I am trying to do everything at the same time and it feels like too much to handle.

    Should I memorize some openers first? Would that make my AA decrease a little? Should I stick to day game in malls or should I start with night game in bars and clubs and when I am able to do that, then move to day game? Should I work on my Inner game or Outer game or both at the same time? Any good books on body language, building rapport, leading a conversation?

    I apologize for the long post but to be honest, I actually feel a bit better after sharing this with the community.

    Thanks in advance for any replies. I like reading so feel free to recommend books or websites with good information if you find them helpful.

    P.S. If you are in Toronto, and you think you can take me under your wing for a while, let me know. I will be more thank happy and thankful

  2. #2
    hepeh is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Where do I begin?

    Dude, if you haven't already, check this out: Well i guess I can't post links yet, but it's a topic called How to destroy Approach Anxiety.
    Some good stuff over there.

    You sound like a good and sincere guy, I guess you just need to realize it so your confidence goes up. I was at sort of a similar situation as you, I was a late bloomer and didn't have sex until I was 20. Before that, it seemed almost impossible to get anywhere with girls. I totally lacked confidence to say/do anything that was against their opinion. I still have a long way to go, but I've also learned a lot, and I think I can evolve my game to the next level now that I found this forum.

    Anyways, try to reduce your approach anxiety. Once you do that and talk to more girls, you'll realize that there are more than a few who like you. Also, I definitely think it's easier to open at clubs/bars, especially if you're powered by a few drinks

  3. #3
    Razer is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Where do I begin?

    Thanks man, some of this stuff helped me

    I went out yesterday and I just went up to girls and stopped them to tell them they are cute. I opened ~6-7 sets by telling them "Hey, I just saw you from over there and i had to come tell you that you are super cute!"


    I found myself out of words after that tho

    I literally didnt know what to talk to them about
    I believe I still have some aa because of that very fact. Im ok with telling girls they're cute but dont know where to go after that :P Just stare them down until they say something to me?

    I also started reading the books called The Tao of Badass and Magnetic Messaging.

    I didnt get any numbers from my day game but it's alright. Im just happy I got through some of my AA because now I know I can just go talk to girls, compliment them and nothing bad will happen.

    Any ideas on what to talk to them about after I go up and say hi?

  4. #4
    I.M.Mortal's Avatar
    I.M.Mortal is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Where do I begin?

    Hey Raz,

    I feel you bro. I sort of have a similar problem of approach. I do an opener and I'm out of words after. I found myself failing to dominate the conversation and just roll with the flow of the conversation (which doesn't generate attraction). My form of aa is a bit different. I suddenly lose energy right before I approach.

    In the past, when I was younger, at highschool dances, I actually had to hype myself up and take a plunge to ask a girl to dance. Approaching a girl was almost like doing a high fall stunt or a high dive. You hesitate at the top looking down.

    It should never feel like that though. What I found out was practice, practice, practice through repetition will help (just like what you did in your daygame). Same as doing a high fall stunt, first couple of times you will hesitate to take the plunge, but the more you do it, the more natural it will feel. Thats how you get over that hump so you can feel comfortable and natural in that environment/circumstance. And that is what confidence is partly about. You want to feel comfortable.

    Except in this case, if you get rejected, don't take it to heart. Take it as a learning experience. Reflect afterwards on what you could've done differently/better. In order to be successful, you have to know failure. And truthfully, after getting rejected x amount of times, you will get over that fear and any anxiety that will come with it.

    The other thing is always have a plan too when you approach so you won't be out of words. After your opener you will have to build on it and steer the conversation. But there's tons of other material on that available online.

    Another advice I can offer you is when you approach like how you did, I would sometimes (esp if I can't think of something quick on the fly), I would just say "Hey, I just saw you over [there] and I just want to come over and meet you/see what you're all about." It shows you are confident. A lot of my lady friends like that one. Frankly I would avoid opening by telling them they are cute. If they are HBs, chances are they heard some direct variation of it. Find something else to complement them on...like their tan or something they are wearing.

    For example, at a club, there once was a HB who was wearing some tight jeans that showed her tight curves and "ass" -ets. It was obvious guys were checking out her ass and she knows she got it. But I approached and her complemented her on her belt.

    Me: "Hey I really like that belt you are wearing."
    Her: "Oh thanks." (She was caught off guard a bit surprised)
    Me: "Yea I had one just like it when I was a kid. The problem was it was so wide, it wouldn't fit through my loops. So it just sat in the closet and my mom ended up using it to spank me when I bought home bad grades." (that made her laugh).

    On a single, if there is eye contact and she already caught me clocking her, I may have to adjust and say something funny like

    Me: "Hey, I couldn't help but notice you noticing me."
    Her: "Oh really/Is that right?/I was?"
    Me: "Yea. I saw you from across the store. The chemistry was completely off the wall. Like the way you were trying not to look at me. Whew, alot of heat there!" (She cracks a smile. I would just lead her with a chuckle. Self-deprecating humor works. Nice to lead with a laugh.)

    The only problem with these and yours is it's very difficult to build on so maybe do something easier.

    Approach a set, tell them they look like a helpful bunch and you were looking to get a gift for a [lady friend/your mom] and wanted their advice. Very good chance girls will be helpful. After they help, tell your target that she is really good at this (a complement other than her looks) and she is a savior *hug her* (compliance test) and tell her you are going to make her your new sister. At some point you are going to close, and ask them if they want to chill for a drink (coffee/jamba juice/w/e - your treat for the help).

    Avoid talking about stuff like "You girls come here often" (bleh)

    You tube has alot of material of PUA in action in the field via hidden cameras.

    Happy Hunting.


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