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  1. #1
    Stigward is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Could help with approach anxiety? Maybe?

    I am very new to PUA and have only been approaching women for about two weeks now. For me and a friend of mine Approach Anxiety is quite crippling, Though after a few pints we start to loosen up a bit. We don't want to rely on alcohol to calm our nerves, So I got to thinking about how to overcome my anxiety.

    We use alot of opinion openers - "Hey, Guys, I have to be quick 'cos I have to rejoin my friends, But I need your opinion on something, You see me and my friend were having a debate...."

    So, I started thinking about what makes me anxious, And found that me and a friend had three contributing factors to aa in common. They are that we were worried that we'd run out of material, the conversation running dry, and not being able to get their attention. The second one being particularly problematic in a situation where your goal is achieved by keeping their attention.

    So i'm wondering, as a solution to make things a bit easier if you could just change the goal. So, use an opinion opener, But make the goal to get the answer to the question, Not to maintain their fully focussed attention. Instead of just telling a time constraint, use it. So go in with the intention of getting the answer to a question. This to me is a much less daunting task.

    Once you leave, the group is still open. Just introduce yourself, thank them then go and find your friends like you said you would. Then you'll be more confident while you're there, taking off the nervy AA edge that usually can cause some wrong signals on approach. Then later on in passing just start talking to them, Like old friends, Using the methods you would continue an opener with.

    But that is not to say that once you have your answer and conversation is going well, you can't start using other little bits of material that may pop into your head. By then nerves are usually less debilatating and it's very likely that you may perk up a bit and start using the material you would have planned anyway.

    I'd like to know if this way of thinking helps at all or if I'm just talking rubbish, SO please do let me know if anyone finds this useful.

    *please note, I may have been slightly intoxicated when I wrote this*

  2. #2
    Kain1984 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Could help with approach anxiety? Maybe?

    It's pretty much pre-opening and then jumping straight into conversation.

    I like to do pre opening at the bar or by making situational comments here and there exchanging a few words and letting them go. This is good because you can approach them afterwards anywhere even if they're in more difficult locations (like some distant table sitting by themselves) as if you 're buddies from before. "So how's your night?", cheers their drinks and start talking, or continue the conversation from whatever you were talking before (if worth talking about). Sometimes if i manage to hold a pre-opened conversation i'll go back to that set afterwards and open with "so as i was saying" blah blah (rapport straight away and comes across as confident, no need for name exchange). You build a few seconds of rapport and run whatever routine you want to run after this. Keep in mind though that unless they invite you, do not be tempted to join them there and then as this will be a little sleazy... you don't want to think that you're following them everywhere they go

    This isn't some fantastic trick but it's easy, helps A LOT with Approach Anxiety and gets you in a lot easier.

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