ehhh well that's okay, i think we all are to some extent.
Everyday striving to bring out and perfect my inner natural game
Well bro, instead of telling her "if she wants to kiss you", you should have just tried to kiss her. Is she talking to you now? No, not at all. So what have you lost by giving her your everything through text without building a foundation to support it? Believe me, I understand how a lack of confidence can keep you from making your move, but think about it like this.
You felt the Tension, so she probably did too. Rarely is it the case that one person feels genuine tension and the other doesn't, besides how will you know unless you make a move. If she stops you, simply tell her that you can't help it, you go after what you want, and you wanted to kiss her. Even if she kicked you out of her life...is she talking to you now? You gotta risk it to get tha biskit!
KISS - Keep it Stupid Simple
I am in a similar situation ( which I will actually post soon).
The thing you have to understand about women....especially after they break up...is that they desire attention. They want to know they still go it, and dont even really need anything beyond that like us guys do (kiss, sex, etc.). But this also means they are needy and vulnerable if they feel they need to be validated. As long as you know this you can use it to your advantage....which I will get to later.
I have no doubt she was giving you IOIs and she was purposely guiding the seduction. But thats what seems to me you have failed to grasp. SHE was guiding the seduction. Personally I would have played it a bit coy..... if she gives ioi's, give some back, but also give her some shit for doing so (kinda like how she gave you shit when you asked about the kiss). When you were looking at each other, did you look away or did she? I would have kept the gaze until she looked away or do something to make her feel uncomfortable ( but seductive) like start walking towards her or keep the gaze while you drink a beer, run fingers through your hair, or play with your lips...etc
Sure she may be different than most girls...but when it comes to sedcution they are all the same. Just the tactics need to be adjusted. All girls want a guy to be confident; for some girls that means going in for the kiss , slapping her ass, or stroking her hair while looking into her eyes.....each girl is different only in what they consider confident and too much. Play accordingly but definitely dont be afraid to push her just beyond the limit( often guys are scared they will cross the line and therefore will do nothing or a lot less that is required)...pushing just beyond their limits is what makes them slightly uncomfortable, but more importantly, excited. After all, New things are exciting, what she is use to is dull and not seductive.
Honestly.....both asking about the kiss and spilling your guts were terrible moves. NEVER EVER EVER ask about kissing....especiall y when the moment is right in front of your face. The only resistance you should offer is a playful backing in and out of the potential kiss as you look at each other....but words always kill the physical like that.
Spilling your guts on a 5 page text...oh man....that was really bad. Unless you are 12 years old, there is no such thing as a romantic spilling of your guts to a girl you are not long term dating. Again, there is no seduction in that. You may have a resevoir of emotions and feeling like the Hoover Dam, but you need that dam to slooowly reveal that stuff. The avalanche of emotions will freak almost anyone out , especially if you are trying to start dating.
The only thing I can suggest at this point are these things
1) You need some space from her
2) Either through facebook or mutual friends...let her know how much fun you are and that women are attracted to you ( positng about dates, telling her friends about how you scored or cant keep up with the three girls jocking you, etc)
3) Give her mixed signals between friendzoning her and flirting with her ( this will confuse her and have her thinking about you)
Even though I ripped you a little bit, I dont blame you too much. Its easy to write and critique....but when you are in the situation its hard not to get caught up in emotions ( fear, excitement, hornyness, desire, etc), but remember YOU need to be the one in control of the seduction. The best advice a friend ever gave me in terms of this was " You have to realize you are the one doing her the favor of taking her on an exciting rollercoaster.. girls love attention and excitement but it hast to be on your terms because you are the rollercoaster conductor..everythin g else will fall into place after that"
yeah i think i have 0 chance left with this girl, i'm just trying to learn from the experience. i remember the last night we hung out, i showed interest in her poetry and then like the next day i wrote a poem for her. she didn't exactly eat it up, she's in a drug induced depression these days and i don't think she is ready for me(i know i'd like to marry a girl like her, and i think the feelings might be the same - perhaps that's where the conflict happened as in she didn't wanna screw things up because she had no confidence either). I can only think of a thing or two i shoulda said. a few months before this, i told her that she'd look beautiful without make-up and wouldn't have to ever wear it if she was my woman and umm... a couple nights later she showered when i was over and came out in her robe without makeup on, unfortunately i was a bit toasted and thought she sorta looked ugly without it so i didn't say anything. this most recent night she was caking it on in front of me for an hour or two straight, probably hoping to provoke that same compliment - i shoulda said that again, it woulda changed the atmosphere a bit. Yeah i definitely should have stolen that kiss and i still hating myself for missing that opportunity among others, i'm such a coward... But yeah i like the roller coaster operator metaphor, it's a good help, i just need to relax enough to control that damn roller coaster
Everyday striving to bring out and perfect my inner natural game
If you're in the friend zone, move on. Unless you catch her out partying, drunk, and not surrounded by other dudes, then MAYBE you have a shot to make out with her (depending on how easy she becomes when intoxicated).
The best way to get out of the friend zone is to avoid it in the first place