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  • 1 Post By Flyboy86
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Thread: Carrying a Conversation

  1. #1
    Danny2012 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Carrying a Conversation

    Hello guys. I'm here because I've noticed that one of my biggest problems socially is carrying a conversation with both men and women in general.

    I can make good eye contact and my body language isn't bad it's just I run out of things to say and when that happens I often break eye contact to prevent things from being more awkward than they already are.

    I feel like my conversation is sometimes coming off to sound to forced, saying things that are non interesting sometimes just so the conversation doesn't die. I can be somewhat okay if I'm in an environment with many interesting things but even so I don't wanna let my environment limit my conversation.

    I'm often okay in groups of 3 or 4 people because there is a lot less pressure put on me but even then I feel like sometimes I have trouble finding the words for what I'm trying to say.

    I feel like my conversations in the end one on one always end with a girl thinking I am boring and non interesting. I don't want to ask her to many questions because then it feels like an interview. I also don't want to talk about myself because I get a feeling that she would non-interested.

    Logical conversation topics are usually boring to girls I feel but at the same time I feel like I don't have the creativity to come up with interesting responses to illogical conversation when I am on the spot. This often leads me in a situation where I am unable to respond to whatever it is that the girl is saying and once again I feel socially inadequate.

    What should I do guys? I don't want to keep talking to girls and make the same mistakes. Is it simply that creativity that I'm lacking? Some people can come up with great response lines almost spontaneously as if it were natural. They're both creative and ultimately funny. Is this something I should be working for when holding conversations?

    Ultimately I feel like I just don't know how to respond to many things even with logic and that's obviously boring.

  2. #2
    Flyboy86 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Carrying a Conversation

    Yea man its tough to carry on a good conversation. Most people aren't very good at conversing, let alone conversing with a total stranger. I oven find myself opening a set and talking solid for the first 1-2 min but if the group doesn't give you much to work with its hard to keep going. Seems that the bigger the group it is the harder it is cause they break off into their own conversations. Also if you work to keep the conversation going it starts coming off a bit needy looking IMO.

    Also the venue can have an effect. I was talking to a group of people last night and it was hard to keep things going because it was so loud. Think about how often a girl is talking to you and you can't hear her so she just nods her head. They do the same thing so you talk talk talk and they have no idea what you are talking about...its awkward.

    Don't be afraid to walk away. I was guilty of this last night. If it starts to stale out...and i mean the FIRST hint of getting stale, say hey it was nice to meet you all, or ill be back! And run off and open another set. Eventually you will be hopping around sets and other people will see that and you will gain social proof. If people notice other people being super comfortable with you then they will start to open up a bit more.

  3. #3
    Sense is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Carrying a Conversation

    I struggle with this sometimes as well. Here's my advice: develop a few stock lines or topics that are appropriate for most settings but are witty or interesting. You're likely way better at coming up with such lines after-the-fact, or when you have a moment to think of them. This is the opposite of thinking on your feet, but it'll help warm you up to thinking on your feet, and you'll feel confident enough to pull them out if there's just a moment's lull in the conversation. The point is to make them seem off-the-cuff. After using said lines a few times, you may see yourself getting predictable responses from girls- and you can work on feeding into those and building on what you already have.

  4. #4
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    The Elitist is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Carrying a Conversation

    One of my favorite quotes is, "When you talk to someone who you are comfortable with all you think about doing is pumping your own state." So just try and pump your own state. Lol. It was a good piece of advice for me.
    Caveat: Just because I feel a certain way about my journey doesn't mean you should feel the same about yours.

    If you can't say that you would rather die than not do it; you don't want it bad enough.

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Carrying a Conversation

    I think that you are over thinking this thus putting unnecessary pressure on yourself. This in itself will cause the "problem" to seem more serious then it is. Remember that the onus is on you to give at least 90% towards the interaction for approx. the first 10 - 15mins. If after this time the lady is still not contributing to the conversation then it is almost always safe to say that she isn't interested. When i say contributing i don't mean she is just answering your questions but rather that she has started asking you questions as well, etc. If the lady is positively contributing to the interaction but you still feel you are running out of things to say then there is a strong possibility that your not really listening to what she is saying. A lot of people tend to have this problem and that is due to the fact that they are so focused on what to say next that they tend to basically not hear what the lady is saying. You need to listen to every word she says so that you can lead into the next topic smoothly. She might says something that reminds you of a funny story from when you were a kid or she might say something that reminds you of a completely different topic. The trick is not to jump to your topic straight away but save it for when the current topic starts dying down.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Carrying a Conversation

    I think it's a good idea for you to start practicing nouning. That's using the nouns of the girl's previous comment to carry on the conversation.

    Example:

    Girl: 'I went to Spain last year with my best friend and we went to a three-star hotel'

    Nouns: Spain, (best) friend, hotel.

    You: 'I've been to Spain a couple of times as well. What I like about it is...'

    'My best friend is x. He's this amazingly tall guy who...'

    'My uncle owns a hotel. Perhaps you know it. It's the...'



    Also, you become good at what you practice a lot. So practice a lot on strangers out in the streets. People love to have a chat with others.

    On the fear of being unable to carry a conversation - just let it go. Don't worry about it. There's no possible way you'll ever be able to know what someone is going to say up front, so there's no point in worrying about that. Chillax and you'll be fine



    EDIT: Did you ever read this thread?


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