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  1. #1
    sandman Guest

    Default Un-exing an ex. An HB "I" dumped.

    Was hooked up with this party girl for some time. Started off as fb. Once she started having feelings for me it got complicated and then i made the mistake of turning the relationship to LTR.

    It was cool for a while but i mostly treated her like a fb. And the fact that i didnt go out to party with her and that i didnt put her around my friends really got to her. We would only hook up at my place and alot of times she would leave my place to go hook up with her friends and spend the whole night partying. Now this girl loved to party, always dressed slutty, took drugs, was a total freak... Basicaly a "bad girl".

    I broke up with her 2-3 times during our relationship, and she would call and text me like crazy to get me back. One time she was outside my door for 4 hours crying and begging me to open the door. I wasnt even home, but she thought i was... I knew because she was texting me the whole time and and my neighbour, who is a friend, told me.

    She would always tell me that she was sacred to loose me and that i was the only one in the world who could destroy her and that i could do that in a heart beat. So basically she was very much in love.

    Anyway, she had always suspected that i was cheating....even though she didnt really show it. One day, i accidently sent her a text msg that read "baby! You hook up the drinks" ...the text msg was supposed to be to another girl. She calls me back immediately to know what im talking about. I answer and apologize for mistakedly sending her the text msg and tell her that it was supposed to be to someone else. She is silent for a few secs and then hangs up. Mins later she texts me asking who the f im calling baby and that it couldnt be a guy friend unless i was f ing him. I text back saying that i always say "baby" and that it is normal. Then she calls 6 times back-to-back and i dont answer. I call her back an hour later. She was really furious. She asked if i was cheating on her, i never directly said no, so then she tells me to swear that im not cheating. I get angry at her for doubting me...she gets even more angry so she says "its over between us"...i calmly say ok and hang up.

    Next day she texts me saying if i didnt swear because i was lying then im not man enough to admit my actions, and if i didnt swear for whatever sick reason then im stupid for letting her go. And that all she wanted was for me to swear so she could calm down.
    I didnt reply.

    Almost everyday after that she either texed or called, but i just ignored. About a week later she texts me saying... " if someone lies too much then they suspect that everyone else is a liar too, and if someone is a cheater and cheats on the person they love then they will always suspect that their partner is cheating. I just needed to let you know that i've cheated on you 4 times. They were just one night stands"
    ...by the way 3 of the times were when she left my place to go party.
    I read the text and called her back an hour later. Didnt make a fuss about it and she thinking that she ruined everything between us by telling me that she cheated, asks if we could be friends....i act indifferent. So she would call on an average of 5 times a day, i would answer 1 or 2 of her calls and talk for no more than 5 mins. And we would talk like absolutely nothing happened...even though i know that she was tearing up inside. As for me i was contemplating whether to dump her or not. 6 days later i dump her.

    Now i want her back... The fact that she got fucked by other men didnt really bother me... Even though i labeled the relationship LTR, in reality it was FB to me. What did bother me though is the fact that she was discreet about it. Now ive already learned from my mistake...the "frame" was sloppy from the beginning.

    Alot of you might be thinking this is a oneit situation and that i should GFTOW...Ive already done that, not ten but 4...and thats alot considering im in a male dominated country and that you would get arrested if you were seen with a woman that is either not your wife or a family member. You could sarge all day and hardly see one woman anyway...let alone PU.

    So like i said, i want her back...and she wants me back. She text me a few days ago saying that she misses having me in her life. And earlier today she sent a long msg apologizing and saying how she fucked up. As for me, i miss the crazy sex.

    Now im wondering how to have her back without giving her full control. Like if i indicate in any way that i want her back...then the ball will be in her court and she has the option of playing it however she wants. I want her back in a way that wont make me loose my frame.

    Any suggestion is GREATLY appreciated. Thanks!
    Last edited by sandman; 07-10-2009 at 07:31 PM.

  2. #2
    Bill Preston's Avatar
    Bill Preston is offline Owner - PUA Forum
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    Quote Originally Posted by sandman View Post
    Now i want her back... The fact that she got fucked by other men didnt really bother me... Even though i labeled the relationship LTR, in reality it was FB to me.
    Good attitude. Reminds me of a girl who was a FB here in NY. She called me one night crying about how some guy friend came into town and they hooked up. she was really upset and felt incredibly guilty. I liked her, and she was fun - but I didn't care at all that she had hooked up with another guy. This gave me a LOT of power in the relationship.

    Quote Originally Posted by sandman View Post
    Alot of you might be thinking this is a oneit situation and that i should GFTOW...Ive already done that, not ten but 4..

    So like i said, i want her back...and she wants me back. She text me a few days ago saying that she misses having me in her life. And earlier today she sent a long msg apologizing and saying how she fucked up. As for me, i miss the crazy sex.
    I don't think it is one-itis. It is totally normal to miss hanging out with someone and also miss the 'fun' of being alone with them.

    Quote Originally Posted by sandman View Post
    Now im wondering how to have her back without giving her full control. Like if i indicate in any way that i want her back...then the ball will be in her court and she has the option of playing it however she wants. I want her back in a way that wont make me loose my frame.
    Don't let her know you want her back at all. Why even go there? I would just plan to meet up for drinks and act like everything is 100% normal. Don't even mention the cheating or anything. Treat her like a great friend FB and just have fun. Take her out drinking or dancing and show her how chill and cool you are. Do not talk about "us" or anything deep. Just have fun.

    Rock on.

  3. #3
    sandman Guest

    Default

    Well i did officialy break up with her. How do i establish contact now without letting her know that i want her back? I cant just say "meet me at so and so" when the last time we spoke i told her it was over between us

  4. #4
    Bill Preston's Avatar
    Bill Preston is offline Owner - PUA Forum
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    Then you are completely in the drivers seat. Just keep it casual and invite her to come hang with you and some other friends. Be like - hey there, we are all heading out to check out (whatever), I know you will like it... so you should tag along with us.

    Control the frame. Remember - whoever has the strongest frame, regardless of how accurate it is... wins.


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