Top 10 Stats
Latest Posts Loading... Loading...
Loading...
Loading...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Loading...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 13
Like Tree4Likes

Thread: approaching random girl at coffee shop?

  1. #1
    Rando9009 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
    Points: 407, Level: 8
    Level completed: 14%, Points required for next Level: 43
    Overall activity: 9.7%
    Achievements:
    7 days registered250 Experience Points
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Location
    wisconsin
    Posts
    187
    Points
    407
    Level
    8
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    30

    Default approaching random girl at coffee shop?

    Ok guys, so after dating another girl for the last 6 months, I ended the relationship and I am back on the market. Problem is that now I almost feel like Ive lost all of my pick up skill. I feel like a rookie, mostly just nervous on the approach.... Im figuring i just need to get back into the swing of things, but it sucks.

    Today I went up to a popular coffee shop by my house. Tons of mid 20's girls hang out here. Im usually not much of a loner when it comes to going to a place like this, but i had the day off so was looking for something to do for a bit. On the way in i connected eyes with this cute red head girl (i have a thing for red heads and brunettes). I was behind her as she was at the register ordering lunch, then i stepped up and ordered a coffee. She wound up standing off to the side waiting for the food. I walked around and looked for somewhere to sit but the place was filled. I then started heading for the door but again connected eyes with this girl (she was accross the room at this point.)

    I pussyd out and just left. I just literally could not think of a way to approach her without seeming awkward, or staged. So i would not do it.

    Any tips on all this guys, including feeling out of it after this relationship? Examples of how i could have approached her with it seeming natural?

  2. #2
    Dave-o is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
    Points: 4,945, Level: 44
    Level completed: 98%, Points required for next Level: 5
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    7 days registered1000 Experience Points
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Posts
    139
    Points
    4,945
    Level
    44
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post
    Rep Power
    207

    Default Re: approaching random girl at coffee shop?

    Why didnt you just comment on the scene? Say hey, it's busy here today! Etc?

    That way you are saying something which is obviously true and she can't dispute. You could then ask her whether she was taking a break from work/study etc and find out what she does. You then make a light hearted neg about what she does before talking to her about where you can take your drinks, if she's on her own you can suggest to her that she joins you so that she's not drinking/eating alone. And then take it from there.

    I know it's hard bouncing back from relationships but sometimes just saying hey and commenting about where you are can be the most natural approach.

  3. #3
    BatMan's Avatar
    BatMan is offline PUA All Star
    Points: 31,552, Level: 100
    Level completed: 0%, Points required for next Level: 0
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    Social25000 Experience Points31 days registered
    Awards:
    Most PopularCommunity Award
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Posts
    2,151
    Points
    31,552
    Level
    100
    Thanks
    1
    Thanked 12 Times in 12 Posts
    Rep Power
    1389

    Default Re: approaching random girl at coffee shop?

    Strange. I get this feeling you already know the answer so I'll try an answer something else. Hopefully it'll help.

    You mentioned not wanting to seem awkward or "staged." Are you assuming that if you approach her that she would know you were up to something?

    If so, then you're right. Most women assume that a man talking to them is hitting on them. Even my own gf assumes a guy asking her where a classroom is, is just trying to hit on her. (And she may be right) But if you get that eye contact with her that tells you she's interested, then she WANTS you to hit on her. Women are not enemies that need to be conquered. They want the same thing that we do. To meet someone interesting to spend time with and, if attracted, become sexual.

    Took me awhile to see this myself. I felt that once they knew I was interested then the game was up. If this is your issue I could explain further. But I may be way off base also.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  4. #4
    Dave-o is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
    Points: 4,945, Level: 44
    Level completed: 98%, Points required for next Level: 5
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    7 days registered1000 Experience Points
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Posts
    139
    Points
    4,945
    Level
    44
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post
    Rep Power
    207

    Default Re: approaching random girl at coffee shop?

    Batman is right and once you realise that women are open to being approached then confidence naturally increases.

    Anxiety is created from the fear that you will do something wrong and that you will end up failing whether this is the consequence of rejection or her feeling insulted, you could argue both can co-exist. Spin that Mindset around and you'll quickly realise that you are failing the interested women more by not saying anything, if you too are interested, than you would possibly fail them or yourself by talking to them.

    True, you might chat and realise no spark but at least you give things a chance for both of you.

    I've realised now that there's no reason for Approach Anxiety, you just need to ignore the body's instincts, go for the opportunity and learn from what happens; be that a good or bad experience. You learn far more trying than you can walking away.

    You'll bounce back from the relationship, you'll find a new woman and just think, being single gives you this new opportunity to go out there, be yourself and have fun.

    Good luck & hope what I said wasn't too obvious or irrelevant, just trying to add my thoughts inspired by Batman

  5. #5
    costarica's Avatar
    costarica is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
    Points: 2,270, Level: 30
    Level completed: 70%, Points required for next Level: 30
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    1000 Experience Points
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Costa Rica & USA
    Posts
    150
    Points
    2,270
    Level
    30
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    106

    Default Re: approaching random girl at coffee shop?

    If you only have 90 seconds and have to go, ask the cash register guy for a piece of paper and a pencil. write your phone number on one side, and the words "good for one free coffee between the hours of 2 and 3pm on tuesdays and thursdays, courtesy of the guy who has to get the hell out of here in 90 seconds" << funny and time constraint.

    If you have 2-3 minutes, you either have to bust out your inner game and say "hey. you're cute. we don't have a lot of time here, so i'm just going to jump to the point and assume that we love each other but for some reason we don't have each other's phone numbers." then take your phone out, look at her and start typing as though she's already telling you.

    That can work if you can say it without being creepy, and also acting like you just don't care if you get her number or not.

    At any rate, there are a million ways to do this and when you are in time-constraints like this, even the best "lines" don't mean crap unless you have the confidence to just say "hey, you're cute, i need your number." cold approaches during the day time, while in public and under time-constraints are damn near the hardest things you will do in life because you can get very "in your own head" and lose your state.

    What I'd do: ** Go back to that cash register and stand there and talk to the next 50 women that walk up to the register, regardless of how they look. After you get a few, you'll quickly realize that it's not the lines, it's this very subtle way of being agressive, funny, witty, and non-creepy all at the same time. That requires practice, patience, accepting the fact that you will lose about 90% of them, and also realizing it's not you, but just "a fact of life." The best we can do is increase our odds, but nothing is fool-proof. Chances are she wouldn't have given you her number anyway. But who knows, one of the next 5 girls you approach like that WILL give you their number if you can just muster up the balls to practice enough. It's hard, but necessary.
    - CR

  6. #6
    Rando9009 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
    Points: 407, Level: 8
    Level completed: 14%, Points required for next Level: 43
    Overall activity: 9.7%
    Achievements:
    7 days registered250 Experience Points
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Location
    wisconsin
    Posts
    187
    Points
    407
    Level
    8
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    30

    Default Re: approaching random girl at coffee shop?

    Costarica: thanks, some good ideas. But I'm sorry doesn't standing around by the cash register off to the side indefinitely just look creepy.. Prowler like. I think girls will catch onto that quick and be turned off by the situation as it would be obvious that your standing around purposely trying to talk to people like its an assembly line process lol.

    And at the same time i know walking straight across the room straight up to the girl with a direct opener is probably the best thing to do here, but I don't feel like I'm there yet with that kind of balsyness.. I've had a good number of gf's, but I've honestly never have had the courage to just spit out a "hey just saw you standing here and wanted to say that your cute, I'm randy.." I would like to get to the point where I can just do that no problem, fail or not. But I can never get myself to do it when it's time..

    Batman: your spot on. I think I get nervous when I feel like a girl will "know" that I'm hitting on them directly. I'd prefer to just have it situationaly happen, but I'm missing so many opportunities.

  7. #7
    BatMan's Avatar
    BatMan is offline PUA All Star
    Points: 31,552, Level: 100
    Level completed: 0%, Points required for next Level: 0
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    Social25000 Experience Points31 days registered
    Awards:
    Most PopularCommunity Award
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Posts
    2,151
    Points
    31,552
    Level
    100
    Thanks
    1
    Thanked 12 Times in 12 Posts
    Rep Power
    1389

    Default Re: approaching random girl at coffee shop?

    There are two things you could do about this.

    1. If you're short on time then be direct. The eyes is the only opener you need. They never lie. A woman wouldn't look hard at a man she did not want to approach her. Women will scan a room and look right over you if they don't want you to approach. They know the eye contact is powerful. Even if she looks at you then puts her head down with a slight smile, that's still an opener. She is just a little shy.

    2. If you have time and don't want your interest known at first then within the first 1-2 min you have to use a disqualifier. Something simple like "Oh look at that cutie over there" and ask her opinion. Or you could mention how you love white/black/hispanic /asian etc. Whatever she is not. Anything that makes you seem like you wouldn't be interested in her. A simple dodging won't let her know you're not interested. She'll suspect something unless you disqualify yourself so she says "Oh. There's no way this guy is hitting on me." Even if she still thinks you are, it'll confuse her. And getting a woman to try and figure you out is investment, which is good.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  8. #8
    costarica's Avatar
    costarica is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
    Points: 2,270, Level: 30
    Level completed: 70%, Points required for next Level: 30
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    1000 Experience Points
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Costa Rica & USA
    Posts
    150
    Points
    2,270
    Level
    30
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    106

    Default Re: approaching random girl at coffee shop?

    [QUOTE= The eyes is the only opener you need. They never lie. Eye contact is powerful. Even if she looks at you then puts her head down with a slight smile, that's still an opener. She is just a little shy. [/QUOTE]

    - Amen. Eyes alone communicate more than most people will probably ever realize. Body language is by far and away more powerful than anything that will ever come out of your mouth.
    - CR

  9. #9
    costarica's Avatar
    costarica is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
    Points: 2,270, Level: 30
    Level completed: 70%, Points required for next Level: 30
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    1000 Experience Points
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Costa Rica & USA
    Posts
    150
    Points
    2,270
    Level
    30
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    106

    Default Re: approaching random girl at coffee shop?

    Rando9009: Yes, it is creepy and don't literally do that. I was just maybe overemphasizing the need to practice putting yourself in that situation enough to just get comfortable dealing with time-constraint situations.

    Batman probably said it better than I did with the body language comment. You can communicate more with your eyes in 5 seconds than you can with your words in 5 minutes. But it really does take a LOT of practice and gaging how people respond.
    - CR

  10. #10
    Upward's Avatar
    Upward is offline PUA in Training
    Points: 138, Level: 2
    Level completed: 76%, Points required for next Level: 12
    Overall activity: 33.3%
    Achievements:
    100 Experience Points
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Posts
    34
    Points
    138
    Level
    2
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    13

    Default Re: approaching random girl at coffee shop?

    There's a million things you could have done, but like you said, you just pussyd out. That was your problem. Don't sweat it, that shit can happen anytime, especially after a relationship ends. Honestly, working on inner game (building confidence, etc.) so you're at ease in those situations is the best way to go.


Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. Talk to a girl in a coffee shop
    By Jacklife in forum Approaching, Running Sets & Building Attraction
    Replies: 4
    Last Thread: 10-28-2012, 08:06 AM
  2. Unusual Obstacle In Coffee Shop
    By Wolverine in forum Approaching, Running Sets & Building Attraction
    Replies: 8
    Last Thread: 05-28-2012, 08:11 PM
  3. Live in the moment! Coffee shop tips anyone?
    By Infrared in forum General Questions
    Replies: 0
    Last Thread: 12-08-2011, 02:42 PM
  4. Need Help With Coffee Shop Girl
    By CapeW79@gmail.com in forum New Member Introductions
    Replies: 0
    Last Thread: 09-21-2011, 02:08 PM
  5. coffee shop, help
    By silvertiger in forum Approaching, Running Sets & Building Attraction
    Replies: 2
    Last Thread: 03-03-2011, 08:52 AM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
DMCA.com