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Thread: The excuse is: Not ready to date

  1. #11
    ColonelMathus is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: The excuse is: Not ready to date

    i went through this situation... and i waited and everything was going well... but i waited too long... 5 months and then i just lost my cool... couldnt handle it... so we broke it off... it depends on ur tolerance to withstand these things... so how long is too long? u gotta know how long you're willing to sacrifice time for this girl...

  2. #12
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    Default Re: The excuse is: Not ready to date

    If you read my quote below that talks about interpretations, it'll solve 90% of your issues. It's about frame control.

    She set the frame that she has issues. I've had a woman cry just by me simply telling her that there is nothing wrong with her. That she was ok as she is now. Now, she may still think she has issues, but it's a good start for setting a frame and a dynamic.

    Because it's not about truth. It's not about what's right and wrong. It's all relative. It's about power. A stronger frame of mind. A stronger sense of "reality" and the way we interpret our world. It's all shapeable if you have the mind for it.

    So like some of these guys said, don't feed into it. By putting attention on it you are helping it manifest into a real problem instead of something minor. Now that doesn't mean that if she wants to open up you dismiss her. Simply be a good ear and listen, but don't give much feedback. Just let her unload and focus on the future and a fresh start.

    Of course her issues are real. In a sense. She has been through some tough stuff. But she can either learn from it and progress or let it destroy her. Like Dr.Phil says, treat it like "This is a changing day, in your life." Hope this helps and good luck.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  3. #13
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    FriendzoneDominator is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: The excuse is: Not ready to date

    To add to what batman said:

    This might be a good time to forget about your PUA-style of talking to women. It turns out that if one has had something that hurts emotionally, then it helps to talk about it logically. So instead of talking feelings as usual to build rapport, you should do the opposite. Keep it very cold and logical (and tell her too so that she understands that you are passionate otherwise).

    When she talks about the bad experience stop her at once when she talks about how bad it made her feel, but keep on asking about details about the stuff that has happened, exactly what did someone do, what day was it when every event happened, and so on.

    And you start with telling her that talking about the events logically and non-emotionally is going to help her, because this isn't a trick or anything. She should go and talk to a professional, of course, but she might get bad treatment there.

    When the bad emotions are turned into logical shreds don't forget to turn on the talk about the good feelings and passion again though!

  4. #14
    costarica's Avatar
    costarica is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: The excuse is: Not ready to date

    I'm probably older than most (39) - About the same as me...

    And the women I typically meet have been beaten down from the sh!tiest relationships in life - Go younger, or accept this as more normal...


    Douche bag guys have disillusioned them so many times, - Most guys are like this. Very few leave a female better than they found her. My philosophy is always to treat women like I treat the planet. Keep it clean, recycle, and respect the earth

    they borderline hate romantic LTR, because they're deathly afraid that it will just be another collosal failure with another douche bag asshole. - This is a conditioned response mechanism and I have rarely seen a female that couldn't be reverse-conditioned with the proper patience/desire.

    The girl's claim is they are the one that needs to work on themself because they do the pushing away and sabatoge the relationship, so on and so forth. I'm sure many have heard this one a time or two. Is this all just a total crock of crap used as a blow off? - NO. It's what they feel, so for them it is real. Remember, if they believe it, then it's real, regardless of reality.

    Are these women just too broken to even try with? Remove all that life crap, and these women are total catches! - This is entirely subjective man. I can't believe you'd actually write this. Basically you are saying that if someone removes your life history, you'd be a better person? Just because someone has had lots of emotional issues that's conditioned them to be screwed up, does not make them bad. if they beat their kids, treat people like crap, don't care about humanity, or are just inherently shitty, then that's one thing. But life beating you down does not make you bad. This applies to both men (who come here because they have shitty self-esteem also), and women. If you find one that has everything you want, then get a Richard Bandler book, and you two go on vacation for 2 weeks and work together to begin reconditioning the built-up crap out of her conditional system. Because you recognize her issues, then (if you care enough), it's your responsibility to help her pull out of it.

    -- Don't get me wrong. You can come along, use her, and leave her just like most other guys do... But make no mistake about it. Sometimes, the older a woman gets, the uglier pickup can be because you can often really mess with a girls long-term frame. Gaming a 21 year old and dropping her is NOT the same as gaming a 41-year old with 2 kids and then dropping her. You have to recognize who the person is, and determine if 1) it's what you want short term and balance that against whether it will hurt her or not, and if you think it could then ask yourself if you can help her along the way and/or actually build a decent friendship/relationship that will not leave her in a worse situation than you found her.

    If I only would have met them 10 years ago - Go younger and train them for maturity, or go older and work to reverse baggage. IN ANY EVENT, YOU NEED PATIENCE

    One thing I can honestly say after being "in state", and studying so much about PUA for so many years, is that a guy who is trained at all this stuff, and has become so self-aware of the nuances of social relationships, has the upper hand on 99.9% of women out there and can truly dictate how he leaves a woman that he games. So I personally believe we have a moral responsibility to leave people as good or better than we found them..

    Sorry for the long soapbox brain-dump...
    - CR

  5. #15
    monoposto is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: The excuse is: Not ready to date

    Quote Originally Posted by costarica View Post

    One thing I can honestly say after being "in state", and studying so much about PUA for so many years, is that a guy who is trained at all this stuff, and has become so self-aware of the nuances of social relationships, has the upper hand on 99.9% of women out there and can truly dictate how he leaves a woman that he games. So I personally believe we have a moral responsibility to leave people as good or better than we found them..

    Sorry for the long soapbox brain-dump...
    This.... Not just with women but also with your male/female friends too. The world is a rough place. Treats you like shit sometimes and will generally beat you down and not give a f*ck how hurt you are. This is why you should always be there for your friends and family. And don't forget to be a Gentleman.


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