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Thread: The excuse is: Not ready to date

  1. #1
    goodfather's Avatar
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    Default The excuse is: Not ready to date

    I'm probably older than most (39), and the women I typically meet have been beaten down from the sh!tiest relationships in life. Douche bag guys have disillusioned them so many times, that they borderline hate romantic LTR, because they're deathly afraid that it will just be another collosal failure with another douche bag asshole. The girl's claim is they are the one that needs to work on themself because they do the pushing away and sabatoge the relationship, so on and so forth. I'm sure many have heard this one a time or two. Is this all just a total crock of crap used as a blow off? I keep coming across this too often. Like I said, I'm quite a bit older, and the string of failed relationships out weighs the good ones in most of the people I meet. My biggest question is, Are these women just too broken to even try with? Remove all that life crap, and these women are total catches! If I only would have met them 10 years ago, Haha! Is it even worth the time and trouble to deal with all the repeated crap they've had to put up with over the years?

  2. #2
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    Default Re: The excuse is: Not ready to date

    Sounds like you have the same problem with women and crappy ex's that I have with women and religion: we just can`t seem to stop attracting them. My first bit of advice to you is to take a day to figure out my in the world you come to these conclusions. For example, I figured out that the fact I was really nice and generous was attracting the religious girls,but repulsing the kind of girl that I would like to date. So how did I fix this? I stopped doing those sort of things. First I began with letting the door close in a woman`s face, and making myself less available for assistance. Then, I really started to be an ass. The end result? Catholic girls are more repulsed by me, and the kind of girls I want are showing a lot of interest in me.

    To answer your question directly, you should adopt a "F--- you, you`re a nobody" type of mentality. Take it as offensive that they are blowing you off with such a garbage excuse. Give them the cold shoulder, and refuse to talk to them. If they want your forgiveness and retribution, make it tough, but also make it possible for them. Bait and lure, bait and lure.
    "There is no better than adversity. Every defeat, every heartbreak, every loss, contains its own seed, its own lesson on how to improve your performance the next time." - Malcolm X

  3. #3
    ColonelMathus is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: The excuse is: Not ready to date

    but then he's just another douche... and the women he is refering to are probably women in their 30s... women who actually are looking for a nice interesting guy.
    i have a different advice for you... be the responsible guy in her life... the one who doesnt need a leash... peak her curiosity with your life experience as well... it is very very very important... show her that life is actually not that bad despite everything with your actions...
    BUT do convey to them that the excuse they're giving is absolute sh*t...

  4. #4
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    Default Re: The excuse is: Not ready to date

    I can relate...
    But ColonelMathus nailed it.

    When a girl is used to getting hurt she won't know how it feels when a man starts to appreciate her, so she ends up pushing him away.
    (Even though she doesn't realize SHE is the one doing it.)

    There are two choices in this case:
    Move on...
    OR, demonstrate that you ARE different than every other guy.

    But just know that you have to have the patience of a saint & be willing to tough it out.

    It's not impossible, but it does take a lot of effort.
    If the girl is worth it, then go for it.


    Need one on one private coaching? PM me for details.

  5. #5
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    Default Re: The excuse is: Not ready to date

    Sorry Swagman, but the "fuck you" attitude is not the answer to ALL life's problems (though it is the answer to a good many of them).

    The answer IMO is along the lines of what T-Mal and ColonelMathus said. Be different than the other assholes. But I will add this, these girls will push you away and this is a shit test. They are looking for the guy who is going to (1) stick around through the bad since they are ready to settle down and are looking for someone to do the same, and (2) care for them without being to clingy (clinginess kills attraction).

    The way they test for these two traits is by throwing out shit like, "it's not you, it's me," and by generally doing shit to push you away. You need to brush this stuff off, don't let it phase you. This means you can't become upset when she does it (unless being upset is the appropriate response, but when being upset is the appropriate response you still want to remain in control) and you remain persistent but not clingy and needy.

    Take for instance the line, "This is getting too serious and I've been hurt too many times in the past." Don't let that shit bother you. Your response should be of the "that's okay, but I'm not going anywhere" variety.

    In conclusion, these types of statements are just a shit test from a more mature, older woman, looking for different things than a younger woman.
    "It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything."

  6. #6
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    Default Re: The excuse is: Not ready to date

    I am finding that this is a very common problem with older women. I've been working a dating site and have noticed that a considerable amount of the women's profiles state in the "what are you looking for" section stuff like: honesty, integrity, commitment, no game playing, gentleman, no one night stands. All that stuff is obvious and taken for granted by people looking for a LTR. It's the ones that have been injured that need to point that stuff out.

    They probably start off by blaming any guy they meet for another guys hurtful actions. You already have bad marks against you from the start!

    I agree w/ColonelMathus & T-Mal. You have nurture trust, consistency, devotion and romance. Remember, there are no perfect relationships. There are only relationships that are worth working on!
    Carpe diem!

  7. #7
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    Default Re: The excuse is: Not ready to date

    Quote Originally Posted by EMSaenz View Post
    ... Remember, there are no perfect relationships. There are only relationships that are worth working on!
    i like that... great line for dhv because it is true...

  8. #8
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    Default Re: The excuse is: Not ready to date

    I'm all for differing opinions and expressing different points, and I can still say that I am standing by what I said before.

    There's nothing wrong with showing a little kindness. Heck, it's important when building rapport and really attempting to reel her in. When she makes an excuse like that, or wants to turn you into a constant crying pillow, I'm not up for that. Far too many times have I done that, in the hopes that maybe those girls with the jacked up relationships would see better value in me. What do they do instead? Go for another jackass. I see it all the time. Even my Aunt in her late 30's and 40's still kept going for men that were pretty much garbage. That's why this whole thing about women rejecting him is smelling fishy. Of course they can throw out the fact that they have trifled with the big bad wolf, but are they STILL looking for a bad boy? That would be interesting to figure out.

    I'm also throwing out the possibility that this reaction comes about through something about HIM, not her. It took me years to figure out that the reason I was failing with other women was not because they were bitches, but because I was basically a complete noob when it came to attracting women. As I studied being a pickup artist, I could literally pick out every single thing I had done wrong to ever warrant failure with me. If he had been working on them for at least two weeks, couldn't he have given off the impression by then that he was a great guy who could bring stability into her torrential life? And even at that point, it would be way easy to break past their shield. It is possible to prove yourself an incredible person on the very first date or conversation, so imagine what a week or two may do. Why is it then that women won't give him a chance, pitting their reasons on past people who may or may not be in their lives anymore?

    I'm still sticking by my standards. I would prefer a bitch over a saint, but the bitch should still have her wants and needs sorted out. If she is not sure whether she is or isn't girlfriend material, guess what? She isn't. Of course that is not true when trying to succeed with her, but that is the mentality that I always try to maintain. You also have to be careful of what you are letting into your life. Does she have her problems so messed up that it has a risk of impinging on your love life with her, or even your personal life? You have to be careful and conscious of things like this.

    If you believe you have proven yourself, and she gives you that excuse again, tell her that you're looking for a woman who has herself sorted out and knows what she wants and needs. If she does have feelings for you, she will become afraid over the prospect of losing that ray of light that has all of a sudden entered her life. Then she will do what she can to make you stay. Even if it is her intent to Sh1t Test you, if one she sets up goes the way she doesn't hope or plan, she will panic. However, if she does confide into you all of her problems, support her and be there for her. Don't try to be like "Oh but I can be a great boyfriend" and stuff like that, because that just makes you look desperate and needy.

    With that, I shall say that I agree to disagree.
    "There is no better than adversity. Every defeat, every heartbreak, every loss, contains its own seed, its own lesson on how to improve your performance the next time." - Malcolm X

  9. #9
    ColonelMathus is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: The excuse is: Not ready to date

    valid points swagman... valid points... and you have the right to disagree... ^^
    i guess goodfather should take all that was said into consideration and to calibrate... for heaven's sake calibrate... you have no idea how many guys fail because they havent been calibrating constantly...

  10. #10
    goodfather's Avatar
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    Default Re: The excuse is: Not ready to date

    Quote Originally Posted by Swagman View Post
    I'm all for differing opinions and expressing different points, and I can still say that I am standing by what I said before.

    tell her that you're looking for a woman who has herself sorted out and knows what she wants and needs.
    Always have a contigency plan, right? I'm gonna find a way to work what Swagman said into conversation the next time I have a chance. Now, what if she replies back with that she doesn't have herself together, and she's working on herself, and until she does, she isn't even going to date? From everything I've discovered about her so far, this girl is one of the few that is worth it (for me). How long is too long of time to give her to get her stuff together?


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