Re: TheDuke's thoughts on Tension and Status
Ok, so it largely is theory as far as what I've put out here, but you need a strong grip of theory before you can make things work in practice.
As for examples of me using this "theory" in the field, the thing is that this is best exemplified by the simple interactions. The ones that aren't really memorable, such as the approach where you can't keep a girl's interest. But I will give you some more extreme examples so that you can see what happens when you really screw up your tension calibration.
1) When I was first starting out with PUA stuff I walked up to a girl sitting by herself at a huge table in a club. I sat down at the table beside her and said, "What the hell are you doing at the club sitting by yourself? Did your friends leave you to watch their stuff?"
Obviously I went very indirect, but upon reflection my body language was very direct. There was a defininite incongruence between my body language and my vocal cues. The result of this kind of approach is that you look unconfident, and it's very clear that you are trying to pick her up. I tried to hold a conversation with her male friend came and sat across the table from us. She introduced me to him trying to get rid of me. I introduced myself and he just sat there and didn't care, didn't try to help her or anything. But it didn't matter for me because my approach was terrible, I had developed no tension, and it was pretty clear she wasn't interested at this point.
Her response to me was something along the lines of, "Listen, you seem like a very nice guy and you're very good looking, but I'm not interested." At the time I was shocked because I had just read about the concept of "attainability," and how women will treat you overly nice if you're too attainable.
This is one extreme example of what happens when you fail to create tension. They will just pass you off, and they'll usually do it in some manner that isn't harmful to you.
2) This past weekend I was at the bar and I ended up grabbing to guys from Germany and hanging out with them all night. We jumped to different bars and at one very crowded bar there was a two set sitting at the bar, a 7.5 and a 6. I approach the 7.5 and start talking to her, but she's just sitting there with her nose up in the air. Recognizing that I wasn't creating the tension that I needed I dismissed myself from her presence and started speaking with the 6. The 6 was thrilled and very talkative. Then I got bored so I turned around and started talking to some random mixed set.
I kept my eye on the 7.5 and she was watching me like a hawk. At this point I could have approached again, but I had decided I was going to keep pushing that tension. So I continue talking to the mixed set for a bit longer. I then went to use the bathroom and as I walked by the 7.5 grabbed me and pulled me in. I ended up n-closing her, but nothing more because it turned out she was married and I'm not interested in married women.
3) On the opposite end of the spectrum, two weeks ago I was out with my wingman and we were in a multi-level club. It was the end of the night and the upper floor was still bumping. We decide we've had enough and go to leave. As we're walking through the lower floor to leave we pass a two set on the downstairs dance floor dancing. They're the ONLY people on the lower dancefloor, so we approach as we're leaving. They're like a 5.5 and a 6. We just approach for something to do. My wing approaches and says something like, "Why are you guys down here dancing by yourselves?" They talk for a second and I walk up and say, "Hey wing, don't you get it? They're lesbians." The two set kind of laughs, but it's clear they're a little offended.
The 6 seems to think she's hot shit and starts giving me trouble, so I say to her "Come on guys, just kiss each other so we know for sure and can leave." The 6 is like, "Why would we kiss for you?" And in response I say, "You're right, I should get my camera out first." So I grabbed my phone, hold it up, and say, "K, now you can kiss."
This was clearly a case where I pushed the tension way to much. The 6 snapped. She started saying shit like, "Who do you think you are?" "Do you think you're funny?" etc. I just laughed at her, grabbed my wing and left. But the point is that I never really showed attraction for her, I just kept pushing the tension between the group to the point where she was uncomfortable with it.
So there you go. That's three examples of using tension either rightly or wrongly. But recognize that the best examples of tension are just simple conversations. When you get lull in the conversation, it's usually because you're not creating tension. If you've created enough tension silence in the conversation is very tense and you can just look at the HB and feel it. On the other hand, if you haven't created enough tension when there's a lull in the conversation it's very awkward. And by awkward I mean that it feels like she's just going to walk away because it's boring.
When you create too much tension women tend to get bitchy with you. If you have the right amount of tension women will start qualifying themselves to you and showing you major IOIs.
"It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything."