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  • 2 Post By Essential17
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Thread: Oh crap! Why did I do that?!

  1. #1
    Essential17 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Oh crap! Why did I do that?!

    Rather than 'take take take' from this forum, I wanted to give a little something back by offering a tip that I rarely see spoken about but is incredibly useful for any situation with a woman (whether approaching, dating, or within a relationship). I use this technique all the time but I've extended it even further and even use it in job interviews, at work, or any situation that can bring about a twinge of anxiety or nervousness. I'm going to talk about something called Imaginal Exposure...

    Have you ever found yourself in a nerve-wracking or emotional situation that's caused you to do or say something you didn't want to say, or worse, not do something you really wanted to do? Maybe you were too nervous to go talk to the perfect-for-you girl before it was too late and she left; or maybe a past girlfriend ended your relationship and you broke down and cried when you knew that was exactly the wrong thing to do; or maybe you were rejected by a girl and got embarrassed and shied away quickly when actually, you felt all you needed to do was be more lighthearted and a little more persistent. This happens to many guys but it's possible to use Imaginal Exposure to help for when these situations may happen.

    The idea of Imaginal Exposure is to imagine yourself in the situation you're concerned about. More precisely, it's to imagine yourself in this worst-case scenario and prepare and pre-plan your response ahead of time so you have it available to you when you need it.

    Let's take a first date as a common example. So you've lucked out and got the number of the most beautiful girl you've ever seen, you also somehow managed to set up a date with her, you've made yourself look as good, smell as good, as humanly possible, everything is going perfect and the date is in a few hours... and now you're crapping your pants about it. Everything about it is making you nervous...
    - What if you don't have anything to talk about?
    - What if you say something you shouldn't say and screw it up?
    - What do you do if she doesn't like the place you're taking her to?
    - What if she's more confident than you?
    - What if she's a complete b*?

    Any time you get that little sinking feeling of anxiety inside you, it's your body not knowing what to do for that situation, and your body gets stuck in a loop of panicking. In this case, you need to just take aside a brief few minutes to prepare.

    Close your eyes and slow your breathing. Depending on your emotional state it may take a little longer to calm yourself than other times but you'll get there. When ready, imagine yourself in the situation you're nervous about. Think about it as vividly as possible, with colors and sounds of people around you. Next, think of the thing you're worried that might happen that could cause you to panic in that situation. This following part is key: Now imagine yourself taking control of that situation and dealing with it in the absolute best way possible. Think this through a number of times, as vividly and with as much detail as possible, and in a few different scenarios that may happen. Ultimately, in preparing yourself for the worst case outcome, you're also going to be preparing yourself for any interim situations along the way, including preparing for what is probably going to be a very reasonable and normal set of circumstances.

    At the most basic level, Imaginal Exposure is about thinking about the situation realistically and asking yourself, "What's the worst that could happen?" Because, at the end of the day, the worst is usually nowhere near as bad of a reality as that pesky feeling of anxiety inside you is. So deal with that nervousness by giving yourself a little mental preparation.

    Hope you guys found this useful.

  2. #2
    monoposto is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Oh crap! Why did I do that?!

    I would say "Imagined exposure", but regardless I like what you have said. I've seen it before in a tony robbins book or possibly think and grow rich by napoleon hill. The basic concept is to imagine something you are afraid of, and then picturing yourself overcoming that obstacle in your mind. It's great positive reinforcement and if you haven't I would pick up one of the two authors I put up there if you are curious about more.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Oh crap! Why did I do that?!

    Very good. I do this literally EVERY DAY, and I also do a more in-depth version of this during my visualization exercises. There is one concern with doing this though that anyone needs to be careful about. It is one thing to imagine a scenario. It is another thing to try and act it out successfully. To do that requires a lot of outgoing social skills, which one can easily work on by simply approaching and socializing.
    "There is no better than adversity. Every defeat, every heartbreak, every loss, contains its own seed, its own lesson on how to improve your performance the next time." - Malcolm X

  4. #4
    BearScoob is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Oh crap! Why did I do that?!

    Yes this an old form of meditation that is very powerful. In fact almost every single sports coach I ever had would tell me and my teammates to visualize the play, visualize the perfect execution of a move, visualize how to outmaneuver the opponents best player, etc.


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