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  1. #1
    Vinny_1 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Conquering Anxiety, Help Me

    Hey dudes, Vinny here. So, I still cant get over my anxiety over approaching women. Like, I get scared of getting rejected or ill tell myself that ill open them if i see them again that day but i never do it. Any ideas, help, tips that you can share with me? Thanks.

  2. #2
    T-Mal's Avatar
    T-Mal is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Conquering Anxiety

    Don't approach with a goal mind.
    Just approach to be sociable & friendly. That way you eliminate the possibility of "rejection", because you're not doing it looking for an outcome.



    Need one on one private coaching? PM me for details.

  3. #3
    Vinny_1 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Conquering Anxiety

    So, basically, I should approach with the Mindset that Im looking to meet new friends, instead of going out to pick up women, right?

  4. #4
    DuncanIdaho is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Conquering Anxiety

    Quote Originally Posted by Vinny_1 View Post
    Hey dudes, Vinny here. So, I still cant get over my anxiety over approaching women. Like, I get scared of getting rejected or ill tell myself that ill open them if i see them again that day but i never do it. Any ideas, help, tips that you can share with me? Thanks.
    Hi Vinny. Rejection is not the worst thing on the world, in the grand scheme of things the "rejection" you get in pickup is usually just a set falls kinda flat and doesn't go anywhere. As a more advanced tip, pay close attention to the "pattern" you have when you see a woman you want to approach. If you see a girl, and you think "Here she is, ohhh what do I say" and then you feel nervous, do something to break that cycle. Once you break an established pattern, you can put a new one in.

  5. #5
    John Ramsey is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Conquering Anxiety

    Just have the Mindset of "who gives a fark" dont care, dont be to subconscious about too much

  6. #6
    davonr is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Conquering Anxiety

    today world, girls are bold and even they sometimes approach first why cant you feel like you can approach and say whatever you want to her.

  7. #7
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    lenric is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Conquering Anxiety

    Quote Originally Posted by Vinny_1 View Post
    So, basically, I should approach with the Mindset that Im looking to meet new friends, instead of going out to pick up women, right?
    You should approach with the mindset of having fun. If she amuses you, good for both. Amusement is the only outcome you should expect and the way of getting it is not caring about what she'll think of your dialogue. Simply amuse yourself.
    Her feeling attraction for you shouldn't be your objective, it is purely the result of the equation: self-amusement + teasing/flirting.

  8. #8
    mackdaddyjacK's Avatar
    mackdaddyjacK is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Conquering Anxiety

    Quote Originally Posted by Vinny_1 View Post
    So, basically, I should approach with the mindset that Im looking to meet new friends, instead of going out to pick up women, right?

    Pretty much what he said. But understand that when you first go in you are outcome dependant because of nervousness compelling you to not get rejected and your mind telling you to do good. To break out of that you have to have your inner game airtight.

    As Mystery Method would say "You can't go in like that." He was talking about saying "Hi my name is Mike, what's your name?" in a whiney AFC voice. Yeah I have definitely gone in like that.

    But now that I have progressed from being like that I go in feeling like an Alpha (well most often) and not too worried (when no Oneitis). So mainly you see my issue now I am dealing with is inner game in Set or Mental Frame Pre-Set but my aa is gone.

    Opening the Set
    So let me talk about this. I pretty much have only one opener. I have tried direct but I like indirect more. I don't like canned stuff a whole lot unless I am opening someone I might know.

    Example: Situational Indirect Openers
    "How wasted are you?" (this resulted in a K-close, N-close, and 10-15 min non stop flirt convo. But remember I was Alpha about it and she did look totally wasted)
    "Hey my question is are you more of a classy girl and a kinky one?"
    "Hey what's your sign? I just want to know if we're compatible."
    "Hey you look like fun!" (this resulted in a HB8 chasing after me when I looked at her all sad after she rejected me then tried to K-close me)

    Basically the opener doesn't matter as long as you come across as confident and sure of yourself. I have seen a guy use an opener from here at a Club before and he said "I need to get your opinion on something." He had to say it 2-3 times outside where it wasn't that loud and he came across as totally weak. I was like LOL I heard that opener on here but he had a really bad delivery.

    Anything to get your foot in the door just be Alpha and go with the flow. Basically I have had really good sets from really weak openers because I was being confident.

    Closing the Set
    My area of opportunity, though I am great opener and usually get IOI's within seconds, flirting, making out, I just can't close worth jack.

    I have major issues right now closing properly and that's where I am focusing most my attention. The main reason I say this is because an HB9 & HB8 tried to k-close me after I opened them or later on and I rejected them out of bad inner game.

    I can N-close on a dime and pass the sh!t tests that come with it but my last set wanted an F-close and I N-closed when I should have F-closed instead at that time since she was totally dropping hints.

    So basically I am saying it takes time and practice to develop your inner game and you will likely get over AA gradually, before you know it you'll get it!

    But I understand where you are coming from but my anxiety is pretty much gone I just get weak whenever I have girls making the moves on me and I am not quick enough to follow but at least I am learning. After all my last K-close was with a girl who was trying to k-close me.

    Keeping the frame
    What's more important than opening or closing though is keeping your frame. For instance when those HB's were trying to K-close me I turned them down due to losing my frame. I wanted to kiss them but was thinking "I don't want to be that guy" and suffering from oneitis from the previous week and getting played.

    When I K-closed this last chick I was able to keep frame when she tried to kiss me but lost my frame when she tried to get me to F-close her. Just a bad way to go out man!

    That was the first ever girl who tried to get me to F-close her. I know it sounds weak but I was just happy with the K-close and didn't want to fark her till after the fact which is where I lost.

    So keep your frame by following through when that window opens and they are making moves or dropping hints.

  9. #9
    SconnieJ is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Conquering Anxiety

    A simple thing I've tried to decrease aa is to simply say "hello" to at least five new people each day (male or female.) Once you become familiar with saying a simple way to approach and engage a conversation, you might be surprised by how comfortable you can be.


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