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  1. #1
    aeromyth is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Can you explain me how escalation works?

    Hey all,

    So, I have been reading tons of PUA material these past few months and have been more socially active in order to train my skills.

    While I have improved my inner game and manage to spark attraction in the beginning, I keep screwing up in the end. The discussion becomes boring, there are dreaded silences, I stick to the safe topics, I try to look cool, I become too agreeable, etc.

    Personally, I hate this phase of seduction because once I know the person better, I open up and become the funniest guy ever (according to my friends). I have so much pressure on the first dates that I mess things up and then the girl never gives me a chance to show her my true personality

    The worst thing is that I keep making the same mistakes as before getting into PUA:
    *almost no Kino
    *no sexual talk/innuendo
    *I am funny but not fun, thus I get friendzoned

    The truth is that I feel extremely uncomfortable talking about sex (or even acting sexually) with strangers. With my ex, I was extremely naughty and playful. But with girls on a 1st, 2nd, even 3rd date, I am always too hesitant and do not know how to start flirting (for some reason, it doesn't feel right because the girl is a stranger to me).

    After many years, I finally managed to admit that if I don't flirt, things will never move on 99% of the time...
    However, I still lack the reflexes. When I was dating a HB back in December, it was raining one day and I offered to take her under my umbrella. She immediately grabbed my arm and squeezed herself against me. I was too innocent to realize she was ready to be kissed (needless to say nothing ever happened between us). I have also realised that my single female friends do not view me a sexual thing/threat. It annoys me to no end when they start ranting on the lack of decent males ("hellllloooooo, I am in front of you and I am a free guy!!!!" grrr, I hate that)

    However, even after reading a lot, I still fail to understand how sexual escalation actually works. I need more concrete examples with real-life situations. I also need some examples of fun topics to discuss. Also, what type of sexual things can you talk about with a girl you have just met (first dates)?

    For example, when is it the right time to touch her. It's so fucking complicated because you pass as a loser if you do it wrong...
    Also, I fail to understand how much I should escalate with the girls I am dating with (I am looking for a relationship and not a ONS, so I don't want to jump to sex from the start - I want a decent girl, not a slut). How far can one go on the first date?

    This is a major issue for me and I am kinda stuck. Thanks in advance for any useful tips.

  2. #2
    Devil_dog's Avatar
    Devil_dog is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Can you explain me how escalation works?

    Escalation is getting her comfortable with your touch. You have to keep at it because you need to accept it as normal interaction. First is an exercise for you: Write down five things you would never tell a girl about yourself. Then go out and just use these as openers. Excuse me, I wet the bed when I was ten. Also try using your honest opinion to open. Escuse me, hey, dont take this the wrong way but you have an amazing body, eyes, tits. You'll get blown off alot but you need to convey your honest intentions. Back to escalation. When Im on first date I start off with a few light Kino's the hug. Give her that good hug, the under arm one if you can and hold it a few extra seconds. Handshakes, hold them a little longer with strong eye contact. When walking walk close and find and excuse to give her a little push or a hug. The idea is that over time you will be touching more and more and in more areas. When Im on a coffee date Ill touch her leg lightly when making a point. Never hold the kino to long at first keep it sublte. But as you go on you should be could to go for more. Ex. Putting your arm around her, kissing. Because Ive only been on like 4 day 2's I always challenge my self to k-close on the first date. Just so that kissing is no big deal for me. If you are comfortable she will be too.

  3. #3
    Ra1d is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Can you explain me how escalation works?

    What Devil dog said
    +my 2 cents

    First thing to realize(I actually didn't at first) is that Kino is NATURAL,you probably never pay attention to it when you're with friends/family,you touch them all the time as you speak,obviously with friends and family it's on that level.

    But with girls you take it to the next level,what i used to do at first,is have my own canned routine which consists of other routines(to show her that I'm not afraid of Kino,I'm actually very comfortable with it) which would always start the same :

    I approach a girl > Open > Introduce myself(Hand Shake,always do that) > neg Her about the hand(always used the "Your hands are so soft and toilet paper",i shortened it to : "Wow your hands are so toilet paper") > If she has rings on her hand,i would proceed with the Ring Finger routine(very popular),if not i would go into funny palm reading(meaning that i read her palms with obvious BS to make her smile,usually it would start with something silly like this : "This line here tells me you like *my race*").

    Always had a check in my head not to talk too fast and keep eye contact.After i finish with the whole "intro phase"(this is around the end of A2) i usually say,"Did i forget to mention that it costs you 10$ every time you touch me ?But I'll let you go for free,cuz you're cute",and then depends on the situation i just either arm in arm or hug her.(credit goes to Cajun).

    This is a lot of text,but it's like what ?5-10 minutes ?If she doesn't take the arm you just freeze her out "you're no fun" and then try again .If she takes the arm,you can move to C1.Which means,toning down cocky funny,and listen more.After you did this successfully, kissing should be a piece of cake from here.

    Kino's 5 kisses routine is actually the fastest and the most effective routine,if you don't know how to make a move.

    Note that this is how i used to approach random girls,before the first date,so if you didn't do this,it's better to KC on the first date.(It's also more than enough for a first date).
    This is just an example of how i used to approach,I'm more natural right now,but it worked pretty well for me.

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