Something has popped up with one of the guys I'm coaching and I'm finding the appropriate ways of addressing and solving this issue, but it has led me to thinking about a common problem seen time and time again in the world of PUA especially through AFCs.

Some of the less socially experienced AFCs that have read books such as the game, watched youtube videos of Sasha daygame and James Marshall tend to memorise the lines and recite them to every girl they want to open. I want to make a short reminder of something here to address this issue.

I once opened a girl by asking what her favorite vegetable was. It's not a leading question, It's not something that DHVs or causes mass debate or even entices the set into thinking "Oh wow, there's some good conversation going on here, I'm gonna stick around and see what's up..." it was ridiculous. But it worked. Why did it work?

Anything will work. Obviously if you're going direct, you say and act one way and if you're going indirect then you say and act a different way, but my point is that these lines and routines you hear and read about are just skeletons of something far bigger going on.

The issue that this guy I'm working with faces is that he's not used to conversation. So he'll approach and open with his lines that he's actually thought through himself, But then once that wares it's coarse he's left stranded unable to think of what to say. The way I see it conversation is a muscle and it needs to be exercised if you don't spend a lot of your time in an environment that stimulates it frequently. So no amount of lines and routines would help him as he needs the ability to make natural conversation flow himself.

We have taken a step back from the approaches, still approaching but at the same time working on a few other little exercises. For those of you that share this issue and haven't a clue on how to create stimulating conversation, I shall share these exercises and tips with you now...

Firstly, I gave him "the rules of the game" and told him to start the Style-life challenge. This is engineered to stimulate the parts of the brain that deal with anxiety and social skills i.e conversation. there are lots of little challenges in there that are pure gold, and some of the exercises I'm about to list may over lap with that. It's honestly been a long time since I read that so I can't remember which are from there and which are not...

Firstly I got him approaching people and asking simple questions. "Do you have the time?", "How do I get to?"

then questions that were a little more involved; "Could you recommend a good restaurant?", "I'm new to this place, what sights are there to see?" etc...

Next, I wanted to get him thinking on his feet a little, so I set him the challenge of walking past one of those on street charity fund raisers and when they stop him he had to see how many times he could stray the conversation from what they were trying to sell. You get bonus points for working your way out of her conversation without sounding like an asshole.

Finally that day I wanted to land him into a situation where he'd really have to think to come up with responses etc... the art of conversation is wit and reflex. So good conversation happens usually pretty reflexively without too much effort going into thinking up funny or interesting things to say or ask. Master that and you'll be able to talk your way into any girl's life. So the challenge was this....

Go into a specialist shop that sells something you know nothing about and spin a feasible enough story to get the shop assistant to try and sell you their wares. "I've just started fly fishing and need some kit!", "I have begun saxophone lessons and think it's time to buy my own instrument." He was a little unsure of how to go about this, so I showed him an example... the example got a little out of hand. *For those interested I have included it at the bottom of this post.


Personally I think that if you can nail the art of good conversation you can literally close without any lines. Earlier I approached a girl sat on a bench and simply said "You must be the most colorfully dressed girl I've seen all day!" and the conversation went on from there. No lines or routines, I sat next to her and we chatted. Then she had to leave so I took her number and we're meeting up tomorrow night. How did I do it? By engaging her, listening to what she had to say and having relevant and interesting responses and questions. I'm not saying don't use lines, not at all. Sometimes they really help with the anxiety as well as throw you and the set into a good conversation, I'm just saying be prepared for times that lines and routines are out the window. Live in the moment once in a while, it's far more natural.

Finally - We have noticed that the little challenges I stated up there work nicely as a warm up for those of you that are really anxious. So if you go out sarging but struggle to bite that first bullet, give those a go to put you in a sociably comfortable mood. It could help.



*So I promised I'd explain that example of the shop challenge at the bottom of the post. So here it is...

I knew of a radiator shop that sells designer radiators, don't ask my why I knew of it, But to show my friend what I meant I walked in and when approached by the very posh lady working there, the first thing that came to mind was...

me - "Hello, My business partner has sent me in here to scout decorative radiators for our new office complex. It's an old building that's just been refurbished with an artistic theme and he told me that I should go and find stylish radiators and he pointed me here.. (currently browsing a radiator that costs £7,000)"

Her face lit up and she started quizzing me about our new office. "What sort of office is it? Is it open plan or is it segmented? How big is it? What's the business?"

me - "It's a huge open plan office, it gets really cold in there as it's pretty drafty. So in the main room there are rows and rows of desks for editing, with the tech suites in separate rooms around the edges. I had no idea that such things as artistic radiators existed but here I am stood before them right now..."

The conversation went on and I told lie after lie, eventually I had painted a picture of a corporate media editing company that had been functioning from our houses and now had grown into it's own offices. She was so thrilled about the situation.... It really did get out of hand. I even made up a company name and twitter for her to follow.... It demonstrated to my friend how useful the task is to think on your feet at creating responses that may be just a little out of your depth.... when we left we did so very quickly before she had a chance to get onto her computer and find @jabmedia on twitter... I won't be passing that shop for a while....