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  1. #1
    DH1987 Guest

    Default Thoughts on Being the Alpha Male

    I've been thinking about this for a while now. Put simply, the Alpha Male is the one whom everyone follows in groups. My question is, how does one do such a thing?

    Based on what I've seen and read, the alpha male dominates every social situation, and is always the leader of the pack. To do such a thing requires the cooperation of all of his followers. However, it stands to reason that if the betas do not support the alpha male, they will work together to dethrone him and will successfully do so by sheer power of numbers, no matter how strong he is.

    That being said, as an Alpha Male, you have to have a reason for other people to follow you. One reason is that people genuinely like you or trust you for whatever reason, and I'm assuming that's the angle that most self-help books cover. The other angle is to become so powerful that your followers cannot go against you without suffering extreme consequences, which is a lot less realistic except maybe if you were the President of the United States among a group of high school kids.

    In a social situation, how exactly do you get people to "follow" you? The overall goal of any social situation is to create good vibes, which includes having fun. If everyone's too busy trying to have fun, then there shouldn't be any "leaders" or "followers", just a bunch of people hanging out together and having a good time. I would say that being the alpha male of a social situation is to be the person that everyone wants to talk with or be around the most. I dunno about anyone else here, but if I was at a party and I wanted to talk to one particular person, then this person is probably really important, interesting, or otherwise makes me feel good. If he is not important or interesting to me, I'm going to generally ignore him. I don't think most alpha males of smaller groups are famous, so he'd have to be quite likeable and assertive. Yet what I see often in the self-help books is that the alpha male seeks no approval of anyone else and lives in his own reality.

    So, I'm guessing is that the Alpha Male is dominant and secure in his own reality, but is genuinely interested in other people - he doesn't kiss ass to gain approval, but he actually likes other people in that they are interesting or entertaining to him? And "other people" includes both men and women? Am I on the right track?
    Last edited by DH1987; 10-10-2009 at 07:12 PM.

  2. #2
    gunsnglory is offline Official PUA Forums Moderator
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    Default

    Your right, and your wrong about an alpha male. Most PUA systems I have read talk about an alpha male in a godlike sense. I don't know about you, but I am not naturally the type of person who wants to be in charge of, or try to lead large social circles. I only have so much social energy and I don't want to waste it all to try to stay on top of a social group.

    Being at the top of a social group will help you get results with women, but it generally takes a lot of work. If it doesn't, it means that the group is a relatively low value group, and it hurts you anyway.

    Here are the key qualities of an alpha male, in my experience:

    1. Assertive when he needs to be
    2. Does not accept other peoples' frames of reference.
    3. Has fun regardless of the groups problems and sentiments.
    4. Does what he wants to do.

    Some things to note about these items:
    You may not be the most dominant man in the group, but you still won't have any problem getting women. You don't have to be weighed down by the groups demands. In a sense, you transcend the needs of the group. Also, you will often find that you will naturally lead the group because you are having fun and doing what you want to do. Everyone wants to have fun, so if your the guy having fun, they will follow you. Since you are not actually leading them, you have no responsibility for their needs, and they cannot get angry at you for attempting to lead them anywhere.

    One of the biggest fallacies of the Alpha male, is that you must always be the top dog of a group. If that is your aim, you will be socially drained and often come off as insecure about your position. It is far better to be the alpha male that I have described, and be able to come through in the clutch, when someone needs to make a decision.

    Related story:
    The other night a friend and I were hanging out with a cute girl. It happened impromptu, and he knew this girl from before. It was clear that he was the more dominant male in our interactions with each other. However, I wouldn't allow myself to be unreasonably dominated. When he would attempt to make fun of me or be overly assertive about the girl, I would joke it off or ignore this frame of reference that he attempted to thrust upon me. At the end of the evening, I was the one who got the girl, and yet, he still held the technically dominant position of group. I just played normal game, and refused to allow myself to be pigeon holed in the group dynamic. That is how the true Alpha Man works.

  3. #3
    gunsnglory is offline Official PUA Forums Moderator
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    Default

    One final note about my previous message:

    Though I may have to bust my friend's chops a little bit in the future, so he doesn't to to AMOG me as badly as he did the other night, there is one final advantage to my version of the alpha-male. If you try to socially dominate your friends, or the girl's friends more than is necessary, you will make enemies. These enemies will become further road blocks down the road. I think you gain large amounts of social value, when you demonstrate to the woman that you can easily rise above petty amoging, so in that sense, it is almost to you advantage to have some social forces to combat.

  4. #4
    DH1987 Guest

    Default

    Thanks for the responses!

    So, if I'm reading it right, your version of the AM is that he is strong and firm, but not necessarily the leader. He doesn't need to lead the group because he is in his own world. Another AM can compete with him, but the strongest AM is the one who reacts the least to small insults or jabs, or deals with them wittingly, if possible. If the other guy goes over the top (picking fights, throwing out direct insults, etc) to dethrone the strongest AM, then the AM calls him out on it and makes him look like a jackass.

    Hah...being alpha seems pretty easy. xD

  5. #5
    gunsnglory is offline Official PUA Forums Moderator
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by DH1987 View Post
    Thanks for the responses!

    So, if I'm reading it right, your version of the AM is that he is strong and firm, but not necessarily the leader. He doesn't need to lead the group because he is in his own world. Another AM can compete with him, but the strongest AM is the one who reacts the least to small insults or jabs, or deals with them wittingly, if possible. If the other guy goes over the top (picking fights, throwing out direct insults, etc) to dethrone the strongest AM, then the AM calls him out on it and makes him look like a jackass.

    Hah...being alpha seems pretty easy. xD
    You pretty much have it down. By being the guy that has fun and does what he wants to do, he will often involuntarily find himself leading the group around, but he is not saddled with that responsibility.

  6. #6
    carlosxuma's Avatar
    carlosxuma is offline PUA Forums Alpha Male
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    Default Good Stuff!

    I like these definitions...

    One thing I'd like to add is this:

    CONTEMPORARY DOMINANT MAN

    WHat does this mean?

    You have to EVOLVE to the next level. You have to be more advanced and developed than the old-school Alpha man.

    Here's one BIG trait:

    EMOTIONALLY INTELLIGENT.

    This doesn't mean you're a crying wuss-bag. It means you understand and can deal with emotions. You can also manage your own, and navigate others.

    This is (IMHO) the most important of all traits of the Alpha Man.

    Go cruise over to my thread on How to Become an Alpha Male and post more there. I watch that part of the forum.
    Carlos Xuma. PUA Forums Official Bad Boy<br />
    <a href="http://www.puaforums.com/go.php?id=badboy"><s trong>Become The Bad Boy</strong></a> That Women Love.

  7. #7
    381 Guest

    Default

    This is very good stuff!! thnx!

  8. #8
    TopGuy Guest

    Default Re: Thoughts on Being the Alpha Male

    I really appreciate the posts here. It is very informative and yet you get to see the pros and cons of being an ALPHA man. Also, you can enhance more your game by applying the insights presented on the posts.

  9. #9
    carlosxuma's Avatar
    carlosxuma is offline PUA Forums Alpha Male
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    Default Re: Thoughts on Being the Alpha Male

    Tell me (and everyone) a bit more about how you learn these behaviors best - observation, or explanation?

    Which do you find more helpful? And what is the most useful in terms of getting you to Alpha Behavior?
    Carlos Xuma. PUA Forums Official Bad Boy<br />
    <a href="http://www.puaforums.com/go.php?id=badboy"><s trong>Become The Bad Boy</strong></a> That Women Love.

  10. #10
    ragr Guest

    Default Re: Thoughts on Being the Alpha Male

    I have recently discovered that I'm alpha when I am with people that is shorter or the same height as me, but rarely when people is taller than me

    I don't really know why is that but it sucks lol.


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