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  • 1 Post By Bill Preston

Thread: Looking for advice on face-to-face conversations

  1. #1
    Carter21 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Looking for advice on face-to-face conversations

    Whats up guys, this is my first post on this board (outside of the introduction thread). I've read a lot of threads here and ultimately decided to join myself.

    I would rank my social game as slightly below average. Not bad, but definently needs improvement. The good side is that I can talk to people just fine, even girls, but the catch is...I'm only *good* at it in a situation where there isn't pressure to be talking 100% of the time.

    A situation like this would be one where I'm talking to a coworker as we're working. Or I'm talking to a friend as we're playing some video game. Or I'm talking to someone in the car. In these situations, its not awkward for there to be pauses in the conversation, because we're occupied with doing something else when not talking (working, playing, driving, respectively). These pauses give me time to think about what to say next, absorb what they've said, and just creates a more chill atmosphere.

    In contrast, I have trouble with the type of conversation where someone has to be talking nonstop, otherwise it seems awkward. An example of this would be a phone conversation, sitting across from someone at a restaurant table while you wait for the food to arrive, or a cold approach pickup. After all, if there's a significant pause in a cold approach, one of us will probably just see that the conversation has reached a standstill and make up some excuse to leave.

    This is one reason why I can easily converse with people I already know, but have trouble picking up girls off the street.

    What tips do you guys have on being effective at this type of conversation? How can I get better at keeping a conversation going for any significant amount of time while avoiding the awkward pauses?

  2. #2
    mackdaddyjacK's Avatar
    mackdaddyjacK is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Looking for advice on face-to-face conversations

    Your main area of opportunity here is you sound like an introvert. I used to be this way till I got in the game. My guess is your approach number is low. I was sucky at making conversation too but getting in the game forced me to be extroverted.

    Now I approach random women with ease. My date I just had we had a nice decent flow of conversation but definitely had breaks in the conversation. It's good to flirt or do Kino when the convo is going stale to lighten the mood. Your social skills develop first through cold approach and enough of these (My approach number is 83) you will feel confident enough to go on a date and carry a conversation. You are likely younger and need to go do things to gain some life experience (Clubs, Concerts, Holiday Events, Bars, etc) and run game while doing these things. This will give you life experience and teach you about women if you are approaching and attracting. I'm 30 and dating a 38 yr old HB8 I met two days ago. Just got rejected by a 36yr old but this one I was a little toughened up with and I managed to get past her sh!t test when we met and I dealt with her trying to flake on me.

    My thing is I used to hate flaking, sh!t tests, playing hard to get, etc but now I just accept it as part of the game and try not to let it affect me anymore. I used to think along the same lines. The more I talk to women and learn about them the more I know which causes me to have a 3 hour date without feeling needy, or awkward or anything. I used to be intimidated by the kind of woman I am dating and would never approach them. Now after doing so many approaches the only thing that intimidates me is an ice shield hate those things man never have gotten past one. I used to always believe in "the one" and would fall in love the minute I met a girl I like. Now I rarely fall in love and more worried about them being in love with me. This is a total 180 where I used to be complimenting women all the time and writing them poems and saying a bunch of juicy nonsense. Either way I have yet to compliment my current female and only gave her a flirty neg which was the closest I got. Having a conversation with a woman is not hard in a restaurant when you come from a frame I talked about of being extroverted and wanting to meet women and learn about them. My conversation skills are balancing out now I can easily get responses to texts, have convo on dates, and no problem having convo's in set. But it all started with approaching and sarging. I used to hate talking to women especially ones you don't know. But you learn like I said opening forces you out of your head to start talking and a convo is pretty easy to carry after the open. I worry about the open and nothing else and put all my energy there then just handle the rest as it comes. That being said not every women will want to talk but 70-90% of them will. Once you have a strong understanding of the game your social skills will improve.

    By getting in the game my texting has improved, dating life, social skills, handling rejections, being less desperate, knowing the right moment to kiss now, (4 k-closes now), etc. Having conversation is the least of my worries anymore. I am far more worried about them falling in love with me, me not liking them, me getting bored of them, them being a challenge, etc. When guys start out they worry about what to say, running out of things to say, how to deal with rejection, how to deal with silence. The simple answer is you just learn to improve yourself over time. I turned 30 so my life experience helps me talk to people I don't know, also been in the game for a year and that helped my social skills improve greatly especially in meeting new women! You just need to get out there and don't worry about what to say next only worry about what to say in your opener in running game. Once you learn that you will be more confident in conversations with women you don't know and more comfortable with yourself on dates. Just talk man it's easy use your head not your emotions too too much. It's easy for me to say now because I can read a set better now before the open and predict if it will not go well and not open (better than a blow out or brawl), can text better, open better, just everything feels better but yeah some nights I suck. I almost approached a HB9 model two nights ago but read the set looked harmless but just hesitated on purpose since didn't feel right. One minute later her friend introduces her to a 250 lb dude, and I am 170 lbs and would have been gaming her when he came over what a scene that would have been! Then a 6'5 dude was working on her and she was falling for him rubbing his chest knew I could have opened but I read it out beforehand and saved myself some grief. That's what game will teach you knowing when to not open just obseve the target nonchalantly looking for an opening and knowing when to approach and when to walk away. That takes social skills and that's what the game will teach you.

  3. #3
    Bill Preston's Avatar
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    Default Re: Looking for advice on face-to-face conversations

    2 Things:

    1. Learn to tell stories (can be about something that just happened that day, something humorous you saw, talk about how you didn't believe in ghosts until [insert story here], or whatever).

    2. Watch other people and secretly talk to her about them (ie. another couple on a date - you can read their body language and talk about who likes who more, or who is nervous or discuss how you can tell he is trying to hard and she is not into him or whatever).

    Well three things.

    3. Learn cold reading (the cube is great, but make it your own version) and apply a little bit of it AFTER you've told a story (comfort) and did something as a team (even as simple as chatting about people around you). The cold read will generate mystery and attraction if done right.

    Not to copy the MM, but those three things 'if done right' will get you into the seduction phase rather easily.

    You have to practice it though... so don't be afraid to fail. But honestly, if you master those three things, you will be unstoppable.

    You can also use hoop theory to engage people in conversation, which I highly recommend. It is basically a set of questions that fully engage anyone (a single person or a group). I teach this in the Vibe, but full credit goes to the guys at the SocialMan who originally taught it to me, although they now teach a version I created . More also in Unbreakable which is FANTASTIC. Link here: Become Unbreakable

    In fact a few weeks ago I was at lunch with a relatively famous person who teaches motivational speaking (you all have heard of him, but I will protect his identity), and he immediately used a hoop theory type question to engage me and the other guys at lunch. I fell for it and was fully into it, and only AFTER the fact, realized he was socially gaming us with the same method I teach. LOL

  4. #4
    Carter21 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Looking for advice on face-to-face conversations

    Thanks for the responses so far.

    Mack, how would I go about initiating flirting when the conversation slows? I'll get better, but at the moment, its difficult for me to come up with a flirtatious line at will.

    Lets say we're talking about something random, like movies.

    Me: Yeah, the interrogation scene was really funny. Rick was hilarious in it.

    Her: Haha, yeah, it was.

    ...

    ...

    And now there's a pause here because I have a moment where I can't think of something else to say. You suggest flirting during stale moments. As an example, what could be said in this situation? Or just some general guidelines for the suggestion.

    The rest of your post is interesting. Good to see that you were able to overcome your introversion to that extent. Hopefully that'll be me next.

    @Bill, what would be an example of Hoop Theory being used? It seems useful, but I'm not sure how it works.

  5. #5
    mackdaddyjacK's Avatar
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    Default Re: Looking for advice on face-to-face conversations

    After she said that you could throw her a backhanded compliment (flirty neg). Such as.
    "Hey you're so predictable for someone so pretty." This way you can ping her emotions, lighten the mood, and get her to sit up in her emotional seat. She will likely ping and want an explanation to which you indirectly or directly compliment her. Let's take my date the other day for instance. A normal break in the convo of us both sitting there listening to music or just sitting in peace and quiet. I would very gently grab her wrist and ask her what her bracelet said to which she did the same to me, tap her legs with my leg or something when the convo would die down then more attraction and comfort so we start talking again after I flirted. By the end of the night we were holding hands and she had her hand on my back as we were walking. So it's not just conversation but throwing compliments, flirty negs, and Kino here here and there and this gives the convo a more sexual tension type energy that charges it thus they start copying you and touching you. Having conversation is the most important but flirting is uber important to keep things fun and interesting.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Looking for advice on face-to-face conversations

    Hey Carter,

    Here's an example on how you could take what you've already said & build from it pretty easily:
    (When you asked about movies...)

    You: Yeah, the interrogation scene was really funny. Rick was hilarious in it.

    Her: Haha, yeah, it was.

    You: It kinda reminded me of when I was younger & I did xxxx... & I was sooooo freaked out.. blah blah blah"


    Or...
    You: I bet you would be rock solid during an interrogation... Cold as ice!! You give off that vibe of being slick & untouchable hahah!"

    OR... (going the other way with that idea)

    You: So, how do you think YOU would react during an interrogation? I bet you'd totally lose it & start shaking / crying & pee your pants right there! Baahaa!! then wink & elbow nudge her.

    Little PLAYFUL ideas like that work well.
    It makes the interaction fun & will get her laughing.

    Try to keep topics as light as possible in the early stages; that way you don't have to try keeping a convo going about anything specific. It allows you to jump around and bring up crazy, ridiculous, random stuff & just have fun.



    Need one on one private coaching? PM me for details.

  7. #7
    Bballking is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Looking for advice on face-to-face conversations

    Typically these pauses come from either one of two things. Either you have something to say and you don't feel confident saying it. Or you or the other person have actually stopped thinking about the topic at hand. Her response would probably be an indicator of placating. She heard what you said but wasn't fully thinking about it so she politely agreed.

    Here is where you can cognitively structure your brain to remain on topic and thus open up those fun and light comments. Next time there is a lull in the conversation, try to think about the conversation topic at hand. Whether its conscious or not that is what your brain is doing as you converse, registering knowledge and past experiences about the information presented. When another thought squeezes in, you stop listening and use cognitive resources to process the new information your brain developed.

    As an example:

    You: Yeah the interrogation scene was really funny. Rick was hilarious in it.
    Her: Haha, yeah, it was.
    Your thought process: Man, she kind of has a snaggle tooth, didn't notice that til now.

    Silence...

    Your mind quickly wonders and your left trying to regather and force something to say or the conversation lulls and you look for a new thread.

    Do your best to listen to the topic at hand and grab onto new threads as they come along. This naturally happens has you socialize more, the action itself becomes more automatic than complex (thus the importance of approaching as much as possible) but until then you have to treat it as a complex process and focus more energy towards thinking about the topic and not the situation.


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