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  1. #1
    Nocturnatum Guest

    Question How to stop supplicating...

    Hi guys, I'm currently finding sticking points in my inner game when it comes to actively stopping supplication.
    Let me give you an example.. I have an old friend and she always asks me to make her cups of coffee when I go to see her and her BF, they're friends of mine. The problem is, I'm trying my best to not supplicate to women and she seems to be 'getting away with murder'.. I told myself about two months ago that I only do this for her because I've known her for 15 years plus... But then lately I've gotten really fed up with her requests as I think she's getting one up on me and treats me like an ethnic minority.
    I've tried ignoring her, refusing her and making trades with her on favours.. ie. you do this for me, then I'll do that for you..
    The thing is now she's beginning to congruence test me because she's so used to me giving in and doing things for her.
    How do I get round this but still keep my friends?

  2. #2
    incognito Guest

    Default

    Since you have known her for 15 years, I feel that it is tough for me to give advice on this situation without getting some more information. What is your goal with this relationship with her? Is this like a friends with benefits thing? If there is no action going on here would you treat a male friend the same way?

  3. #3
    gunsnglory is offline Official PUA Forums Moderator
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    Default

    If you are thinking romantic:
    You tell her that she has two good legs, and she can get her own damn coffee. (unless it isn't any inconvenience).

    If you are just friends:
    You can go a little out of your way to be nice, but don't ever let her push you around.

  4. #4
    Nocturnatum Guest

    Default

    I was really trying to get myself in the habit of not supplicating to women.
    What is your goal with this relationship with her?
    My goal is to stay friends with her but to be perceived as an attractive alpha male.. I'd like it to have a 'rub off' effect if ever I need the social proof.
    Is this like a friends with benefits thing?
    She's not a friend with benefits but I'd like her to treat me as I mentioned.
    If there is no action going on here would you treat a male friend the same way?
    I do treat my male friends with generosity and I'm naturally inclined to be nice, I get it from my upbringing I think.
    I'm actually trying to get into good habits for myself as a person as well as a PUA and so I'm starting to stand my ground more often, I think this has something to do with the way I'm noticing things happen in my reality.

  5. #5
    incognito Guest

    Default

    I find it fascinating that you have had this women as a friend for 15 years. Obviously, she has had enough time to figure out how to get what she wants from you.

    So, let me ask you this, what is the continuing existence of this friendship based on? Is it because you are good friends with her BF? Would she hang out with you alone?

    Personally, if I were an alpha male in this situation I would not care what she thinks. The fact that there is a BF involved complicates things. If it's house, his woman, etc. you gotta show some respect but you certainly don't have to be her personal assistant if you catch my drift.

    If you want to cash in on any of these "ruboff effect" cards, you are gonna have to approach the situation with this woman differently.
    Last edited by incognito; 10-21-2009 at 02:36 PM.

  6. #6
    Nocturnatum Guest

    Question

    Basically me and her boyfriend are good friends, best friends at that. I've known them both for a long time. She trusts me and although I probably party too hard for her liking and she doesn't like to go out much.. I don't think her BF would like me to go out with her just me and her. He's the jealous type. We walk to the shop together and smoke together when I'm visiting them (her BF doesn't smoke) but I don't think that counts as hanging out alone.
    The 'personal assistant trap' is exactly what I don't want to happen. I would freely allow for her to do things for me and I wouldn't mind doing things for her but it just feels like sometimes she takes advantage.
    So how do I approach this woman differently? Do you think I'm just getting insecure, or over thinking? Should I just be unreactive about it all?

  7. #7
    incognito Guest

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Nocturnatum View Post
    I don't think her BF would like me to go out with her just me and her. He's the jealous type. We walk to the shop together and smoke together when I'm visiting them (her BF doesn't smoke) but I don't think that counts as hanging out alone.
    Clarify this statement for me so I can get a better sense of the situation...does the boyfriend walk with you two to the store?

    Here's something I would recommend doing. We need to start getting this woman to do some work for you and to pay you back for all of these "coffee" favors. I would ask her straight up that you would like her help in finding a woman. A lot of women, love nothing better to do than to play the matchmaker game. This could be a win-win situation for you. Having another woman helping you out could be the secret weapon in your arsenal that you could use.

    If she helps you out or starts giving you some excellent tips keep bringing her coffee. Think of it as a payoff or a bribe. If she doesn't help you out at all and shows no effort like not even giving you tips then I would start holding back coffee and change the routine. Don't come over as frequently as to give the illusion that you are different. You get asked, say you were out trying to meet some women or something like that (make something up if you have to).

    I will have to admit that I have picked up some really good tips from women that I never actually dated or slept with. Tips on like how she thinks I'm more attractive with doing my hair a different way, etc. Also, you never know who someone might have the power to introduce you to.

  8. #8
    Nocturnatum Guest

    Default

    does the boyfriend walk with you two to the store?
    No.
    I'll try out what you said, this might actually work for me lol. Glad you mentioned that cause I never thought about it much.

  9. #9
    incognito Guest

    Thumbs up

    Quote Originally Posted by Nocturnatum View Post
    No.
    I'll try out what you said, this might actually work for me lol. Glad you mentioned that cause I never thought about it much.
    That is what so great about forums like this. "Outsiders" can give insight into situations that we wouldn't have realized otherwise.

    To step this one up a notch, I would try to time this to tell her when you are walking to the store. She may tell you some stuff that she would not feel comfortable with in front of her BF (i.e. you look more attractive with you hair combed this way, etc.). Also, afterwards, around the same timeframe, I would tell her BF, preferably when she is not around, that you are looking for some new ideas getting women and wonder if he has any for you? At the very least, I think this will build your rep higher, if they have a conversation about you when you are not around.

    Put in an update on what happens.


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