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  1. #1
    Spaceftw is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default A Good Trick to Boost Confidence

    Hey guys, this is my first day being here, I've been on the site and browsed before but never really bothered to join the community. I am going on a cruise ship next month for a week and really want to work on picking up chicks there so I really am going to sharpen my skills. Instead of making my first post a big leech fest and asking you guys, I'll try my best to help you guys out.

    A lot of people just aren't confident about themselves. Today I was browsing on Netflix and I came across a TV show called TEDTalks and the first episode was called "Your Body Language Shapes Who You Are". It was a 20 minute show and throughout the show she showed some basic body language, posture, etc.

    Basically, she said "fake it til' you make it". It's like this, if you sit in a dominant alpha pose for 2 minutes (feet up on desk, taking up space, etc), your levels of testosterone go up 25%. If you sit in a beta position for 2 mins (slouching, looking down, touching your neck) your stress levels raise 15%.

    She did an experiment where people went in the bathroom before a job interview and just smiled and put their arms up in the air like they had just won a race. After 2 minutes, they went into their job interview feeling confident because you basically tricked your body into being more confident.

    I know I explained this in a difficult way, I'm sorry. I watched the episode and just wrote this based off memory. You should be able to get the point though. If you have netflix, I would suggest looking up the TV series "TEDTalks" lots of self-help type of stuff. The 1st episode is the one I mentioned.

  2. #2
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    TPix is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: A Good Trick to Boost Confidence

    Alpha posture is always way to go, I dont know how legit those scientific facts are but it helps a lot.

    I had really bad self confidence thanks to my family who hated me Anyways if Im really low I just think that Im better than anyone else and Im only star in this movie. I hate to say it but it helps when I fell depressed and just relaxes my muscles and makes my day better Another key Mindset for me was just "Its not my damn business what others think, its their personal space". This concept just improved my confidence so much, I can dance now, I can talk whatever I want, I dont give shit about reactions.
    Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not
    understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded.
    But trust me, in 20 years youll look back at photos of yourself and
    recall in a way you cant grasp now how much possibility lay before
    you and how fabulous you really looked.

  3. #3
    Spaceftw is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: A Good Trick to Boost Confidence

    I feel you. I used to be very nervous about what others thought about me and than one day, in my sophomore year in high school I got caught with weed in school, my teachers and classmates were judging me and I was just like I can give two s**ts what these people think and that kind of just stuck from there on in.

  4. #4
    Bballking is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: A Good Trick to Boost Confidence

    Good information. Your body and mind are a positive feed back system. Typically what your mind is feeling will reflect in your body, and what your body is doing will reflect back to your mind. I actually believe the mind is a much more powerful actuator based on the numerous variables that construct it (emotions, moods, thoughts) and thus it makes it a little more difficult to trick. However, you can definitely start to feel a difference based on the way your body is positioned.

    Feeling powerful can definitely feel good. But if it causes you to impose that position on others, your probably not going to make them feel good. And as a result they probably won't want to be around, even girls.

    It's important to calibrate the amount of space you take up in order to feel confident but not over bearing to those around you. A couple solid tips to make you look comfortable but not intimidating:

    -Try and take up an area in which you would be able to freely move your hands. Demonstrating with your hands while you talk, gesturing, is another way for mind and body to stay congruent. As you speak, you make small gestures with your hand that help illustrate what your talking about, thus keeping your mind focused on the subject matter and away from any negative thoughts that could debilitate you from speaking effectively.

    -Along with the above, make an attempt to keep your hands at belly level, even when you listening to someone. The stomach is a vulnerable place, with all your organs located there, thus it would typically be a place you wouldn't want to bring attention to. By doing just the opposite your conveying confidence and reflect that your not threatened by any supposed attack.

    -Hold good eye contact. This can be tricky. Especially when your shy, but is incredibly important. If you struggle with this, try and focus on any spot on the face; the nose, the brow, the lips. At any normal personal distance they won't be able to tell that your not directly looking at their eyes.

    -Another follow up. Easing your way into eye contact can actually be a difficult task. If your not use to looking at people when they talk, or at least looking at them for a while well they talk, you'll probably find yourself staring at their face instead of listening. This is usually a defensive mechanism. Your looking for some sort of threat. It can be tricky to divert your brain away from thinking this is an actual threat and will require some cognitive restructuring. It may help at the beginning to just look at their face, eyes, while they talk and do your best to placate (politely sound like your listening "yeah" "oh that's cool" "haha") until you get comfortable doing so. Then you can move on to telling yourself, as quickly as possible, while they speak that there isn't any danger and you can listen without any repercussions.

    -Finally, the way you stand. With the idea that taking up space can make you feel more powerful, it may not be the optimal way to stand when trying to look confident and comfortable. I would believe an initial idea would be to get both feet on the ground, a little more than shoulder length apart, and ground yourself as much possible. Your staking a territory here and it's not very friendly. Instead, focus putting your weight onto one foot. Again, this appears as if you are not threatened by surroundings and have no need to quickly prepare for defense. I like to cross one leg over the other, keeping the weighted leg straight towards the ground while the other hangs somewhat freely over my shin. You can also keep your legs shoulder length apart and transfer your weight from side to side. You can put your weight towards your back to stay away from showing too much interest, or you can lean forward to reward or show extroversion in a group.

    -One more quick one. Your shoulders and feet show where your attention is directed. If your doing all the above but still directly facing someone too early, you may still convey to much interest. This will need to be calibrated and you can eventually figure out when you should face your target directly.

    Try these out for a while and see if your mind doesn't start to feel the confidence that your body is portraying.


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