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Thread: Need help getting past overwhelming AA and shyness!

  1. #1
    bitzer42 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Thumbs down Need help getting past overwhelming AA and shyness!

    So hears the deal short and sweet, I can't even approach girls. Now that sounds absolutely ridiculous on a PUA forum but that's why I'm here and what I want to change.

    My problem is, I completely freeze up at even the thought of going up and talking to a girl while I'm out, not even a ridiculously attractive girl, just any girl.

    So, I found these forums and signed up a while ago, but I never really looked at them until a couple weeks ago. Now, I have been reading a lot about opening and nouning etc and thought that I had what it takes to at least go out there and give it a shot, even if I did get rejected. Boy was I wrong.

    I was in the city from 10 till 4 and I approached not one single girl. Not one. Not even a god damn approach. I'm actually embarrassed even admitting it, but there it is. I boiled it down to my naturally shy nature coupled with HUGE amounts of aa.

    If anyone has some suggestions on how to deal with these I'd really really appreciate it.

    Cheers, Bitzer.

  2. #2
    Foxes is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need help getting past overwhelming AA and shyness!

    If you want a quick fix then you need to do something that you consider to be more embarrassing than being shot down by a random girl.

    That way when you look to approach you know in your mind that you HAVE done more embarrassing things.

    The other longer more rewarding fix, I would suggest do a few drama classes or some stand up. There is no difference between being on a stage and standing in front of a three set and running your routine. The only thing that has changed is the size of your stage and your audience.

    But in all honesty I say the same thing to my friends trying to talk to women as people in my college with stage fright. "The worst they can do is say no, they can't hit you they can't hurt you, once you walk away it's done and nothing more can happen from it"

  3. #3
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    dave_xxx is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need help getting past overwhelming AA and shyness!

    Some great ideas on aa in this thread. Here is a part of my post in that thread:

    http://www.puaforums.com/how-approac...s-college.html

    You should at EVERY chance you get with a female be practicing on holding a conversation.

    This girl could be your neighbor, buddy's sister, your grandma, your cousin, store clerk, librarian, the girl at the fast food place or just about anyone. Try to prolong each conversation. Start at 15 seconds. Then up to 30 seconds and so on. Pretty soon you will be able to hold very, very lengthy conversations.

    I have talked to females that I have only met once , got their number and when I called them I have talked to them for up to 8 hours in 1 night. They had to work in the morning but they didn't want to put the phone down. I offered to end the conversation but they wanted it to continue.

    My point isn't to brag about myself, my point is that I was a shy kid when I was 15. I refused to stand up in front of the class to present my project. I was willing to lose all marks on the project just so I wouldn't have to stand in front of the class. This was in the middle of the school year. I did very well in school but for public speaking I was willing to fail the class. In my mind at the time the pain for failing the class would be less than the pain I would feel by going up and speaking in front of the class.

    My teacher, with 2 weeks left in the school year, told me that I had to speak in front of the class for 5 minutes or that I would fail the class. It was either an A+ or an F.

    To the credit of my teacher he told me that for the next 2 weeks that the very first question in every class would be mine to answer. He told me to stand up at my desk and give an answer that was 15 seconds or longer.

    Next class it was 30 seconds or longer and so on. The increase in the amount of time required for the answer kept progressing over the next 2 weeks.

    Long story made short, I did my presentation and I stood up there for more than 15 minutes. My teacher had helped me conquer my fear. I went well past the 5 minutes and I was talking confidently without looking at my notes.

    How does this help you?

    You can do the same by taking the very same small steps to build your confidence. Start with opening girls and who cares if you get blown out 2 minutes later. As long as you are learning from those mistakes and prolonging each conversation. You too will conquer your fear and get rid of AA.

  4. #4
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    dave_xxx is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need help getting past overwhelming AA and shyness!

    Why take baby steps?

    Well we don't go from crawling to running in one day.

    We don't learn to swim in the deep end of the pool.

    We don't learn to drive a car for the first time by getting behind the wheel on a highway.

    You learned 1+1=2 before you learned, if A=B and B=C the A must = C.

    Maybe get a free tourist map at any hotel concierge. Then pretend you are a tourist asking for directions. People are really friendly to tourists.

    Start with baby steps my friend and before you long will be taking giant leaps.

  5. #5
    Carter21 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Need help getting past overwhelming AA and shyness!

    Yeah, I also have an issue with approaching girls out of the blue. However, it helps me when our encounter feels like it just happened randomly rather than me initiating it. For instance, walking up to a girl who has her back turned to me, her attention elsewhere, and is completely unaware of my existence until I approach her is a lot more uncomfortable for me than if, say, I meet her at a basketball game by our pre-assigned seats being next to each other. then i'm a lot more comfortable opening her.

    Taking a step from that, it should feel easier for you to open a girl who's heading in your direction as she passes you on the street than it would be for you to open one who's ahead of you, going in the same direction, and you being required to chase her down to get to her. I'd speculate that its because the latter scenario requires more effort on your part to initiate the conversation.

    So I feel less aa when the encounter seems natural (you two happening to pass each other) rather than forced (you chasing her down). How to capitalize on this? Try opening girls only when they're facing you. Also, go to a clothing store and pretend to look through the clothes that are in the same vicinity that she's in. The initiation won't come across as forced because the items you're interested in just "happen" to be next to her. Scenarios like that really help me feel more comfortable in starting a conversation.

    Its also good to know what you want to say. Thats the bigger issue for me lol. Ideally, I want to say something snappy about something they're wearing or make a funny comment about something around us, but I can't always come up with something in time.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Need help getting past overwhelming AA and shyness!

    Come on bitzer42 and Carter21 you guys are overthinking this. As a PUA who regularly approaches women you guys need to just stop making excuses and approach. Carter21 that is how you meet women through natural game and women pick up on social ques so they will know what you are up to if you are acting weird like that getting next to them. This is not how you get women going around fuddy duddy hoping a magical moment will "naturally" happen. It just won't but I can tell you when a set is going good regardless of approaching from the back, from the front, from the side, awkward or non-awkward magical moments can easily happen and you get sucked into it. Stop making excuses and put yourself out there. I know it sucks and it will suck but let's say after doing enough approaches you don't "suck" but are confident to throw down "anywhere any place" then I would say you have the confidence to be yourself and that takes balls just remember your routines. You guys are not taking enough action (excluding Dave_XXX and Foxes) you just need to recognize how much it sucks and just embrace it sucking, you sucking, because you have no where to go but up. Once I finally accepted it and got over my own insecurity of women not liking me or rejecting me I started getting #'s from HB9's something I NEVER THOUGHT WOULD HAPPEN let alone them telling me I am a hero or that I rock. Stop crying about potentially getting verbally bruised and go out there and get some verbal bruises to tell us about. I earned my stripes in the Nightclubs and Bars best for you guys to start there and get your stripes and you will be back on here helping guys out in the same spot. This gives me motivation to go out now knowing guys go out and don't approach such a sad thing as you are not doing what you want or going for what you want. Girls are a huge challenge yes but it's better to live the hard life than play it safe with no confidence to approach the women you want. But the stuff I say is like Fluff talk compared to some of the harsh things women will say to you (ever heard of ice cold? It's true! The hotter they are the more calibrated you need to be). That's why with cocky/funny you can flip a b!tch shield and knock down a sh!t test. Guys like you are an inspiration but I would rather you get past your sticking points and stop worrying so much about the approach. I know we all want a perfect moment but just make the best of it and before you know it, it will be more than you could ever ask for, hope for, or even dream of. I love approaching from the back by the way and running after women to approach because it gives me the element of surprise! I didn't want to go out to the Bar this weekend but after reading this I want to. Another thing if you are feeling awkward put a confident light on it, don't try to hide it. It will help break the ice. Be desperado not desperate and you will go far with women. I hope this is the kick in the pants you needed to feel motivated to put yourself out there with more steam.


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