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  1. #1
    Mystery_wannabe Guest

    Default Are all women monogamus?

    I've read a few PUA ebooks and a good number of them convey the point that women are monogamous creatures assuming that she is in a healthy loving relationship. However, I've recently spoken to a friend of mine who's been with her bf for 3.5 years and claims that she's in a very loving state with him, yet chooses to flirt with other men. In fact, she told me that at one point she felt attachment to one of the guys she was flirting with (where Kino was involved).

    So how could this happen? The guy in this case isn't doing a bad job, why is the girl still seeking?

    Also, I am interested to find out how I can skillfully ask a girl if she's the type that is into serious/heavy dating or if she just wants to casually date. How can I do this?

    Thanks in advance.

  2. #2
    Bill Preston's Avatar
    Bill Preston is offline Owner - PUA Forum
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    Default

    I actually think that NO women are monogamous.

    Reminds me of a really good friend in college. We were talking about religion and he was an avid atheist. He told me the sooner you realize that you are all alone in the universe, the better off you will be.

    To apply this to women. The sooner you realize that women are animals just like we are, the better off you will be. When you actually realize that women are just as likely to cheat as you are, and come to the realization that that is ok, the better off you will be.

    Deep.. but true.

  3. #3
    Mystery_wannabe Guest

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Bill View Post
    I actually think that NO women are monogamous.

    Reminds me of a really good friend in college. We were talking about religion and he was an avid atheist. He told me the sooner you realize that you are all alone in the universe, the better off you will be.

    To apply this to women. The sooner you realize that women are animals just like we are, the better off you will be. When you actually realize that women are just as likely to cheat as you are, and come to the realization that that is ok, the better off you will be.

    Deep.. but true.
    Thanks for the input. I'm getting quite a bit of contradictions that I will soon post here as well (on a new thread) as I continue to read more ebooks.

    I'm still feeling a little uncomfortable with the knowledge that people can be multi-threading while being in a serious relationship. It makes me rethink what the word serious means. I can just imagine why there's this whole trust factor issue when I come out in the dating world.

    Sure, you can say that you're not worried about losing a girl because there'll be a whole forest waiting should she cheat on you, but I could imagine I would start to lose my hope if this happens often. The thing is, it might not be your fault either. It could be she gradually changed her preference or she decided that a better "model" is available and so she's trading up.

    How can I have the confidence to invest into a relationship knowing that any minute some guy can just swoop by and take her away?

  4. #4
    gunsnglory is offline Official PUA Forums Moderator
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    Default

    Speaking for myself:

    I am comfortable with sex with no commitment, but it doesn't really do anything for me. I use sex because it is powerful at holding a woman, but I really like the relationship to mean something. I think cheating is a despicable act, but I don't view it as cheating to sleep or carry on relationships with multiple women, if at the get go, they know I am with other women. I don't view anything as solid unless I am getting ready to marry a girl, then I would do a monogamous relationship. Otherwise, there are never any guarantees.

    Remember, if the girl you are with goes and dates other people, that doesn't matter. She sees you as a man who dates other women, so why shouldn't she be able to do the same? It is actually a positive thing for you. It means that you don't have to be there for her for every little crisis. It also is likely that most guys will not perform as well as you, because you know how to amp up the attraction. That means that even when she is with other guys, you are still gaming her to some extent.

    In contrast with Bill, I think women are more predisposed to monogamous relationships. First of all, women are more emotionally driven than men. Which means that emotional relationship means more to them than your average man. Secondly, though I am religious, if we go with the animal analogy, I think we fit more of the lion pride model. It is generally understood that manly men will play the field and have many women. Socially it is less acceptable for a woman to do the same. I don't agree with that stereotype, but it is there, none-the-less. Finally, men are more visually aroused than women. We see a new hotty walk by, and we want a piece. A women, being more emotionally turned on, is going to be less likely to get herself in a position to game or be gamed, if she is already in a healthy and emotionally supportive relationship.

    Now having said that:
    There are plenty of women that are every bit as much of a player as men. Unfortunately the world often labels them as "Sluts". One very good friend of mine, is an incredible man trap. She loves sex, and she can go out on any night of the week, and hook her pick of a man without even trying.

    Even a women that is emotionally secure, in a relationship, can still be stolen if you know what you're doing, sometimes. The thing you need to remember is that most women, if they want to be monogamous with you, are generally very loyal. The reason we all urge you to ignore the "I have a boyfriend" line is multipart.
    1. Women commonly lie and claim to have a boyfriend to avoid the social awkwardness of being hit-on.
    2. Women like having a boyfriend for social proof reasons. A woman will often get herself into an unfulfilling relationship so that she can "have a boyfriend" but the relationship is merely about status. She still secretly wants the "perfect guy" to come along and sweep her off her feet.

    If you game a girl correctly, you will have made no promises to her. You will have never pressured her into being with you. Every time she starts to have second thoughts about you, she will remember that she WANTS to be with you. She will remember the reasons that she likes you which include your charisma, confidence, social awareness, and the fun atmosphere you project. She will be much more likely to want to stay with you than the kinda boyfriend who pressures her into the relationship, and is insecure about said relationship.

    The last piece of advice I will leave you with is this concept:
    It is a paradox. The more you appear to care about the relationship, especially early on, the more likely you are to be dumped. Women are generally nice. If you seem a little insecure or like your very life hangs on the outcome of the relationship, one of two things will happen. Firstly, the woman may break up with you just because she isn't THAT committed to you yet, and she wants to break up now, because she knows it will hurt you even more down the road. In other words, she might have wanted the relationship, but she just doesn't want to go as far as you are pushing things, at that particular moment. For your own sake, she broke up with you. Secondly, sometimes the woman will feel pressured into the relationship. She will say yes, and stay in it because it means so much to you, and she doesn't want to hurt you. However, no one can do a relationship like that forever, so eventually she will jump ship. The worst part is that even if she likes you, and the relationship would have worked farther in, she will always view the relationship as if she were a prisoner in a cage.

  5. #5
    Bill Preston's Avatar
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    Default

    I was hoping to spawn some controversy. I think many men and women are actually monogamous, but I am not sure it is natural for humans to be this way.

    I think only 1-2 other mammals are truly monogamous also (don't quote me on that)...

    Anways, my main point is that there is this perception that women are more faithful than men, and I am not sure I buy it.

    I can recall a girl who I was hooking up with randomly had a boyfriend. She actually dumped him for flirting with and kissing a girl in a bar one night... yet she was cheating with me on the side. Talk about a double standard.

    Great, fun girl though...

    Bill

  6. #6
    incognito Guest

    Default

    It appears to me that women are less monogamous than men up to a certain point. For a lot of women, this usually changes after they have a kid or after they reach a certain age say like their thiirties. After this age they start to realize they are becoming used goods and can't compete with the younger women so they want to lock a man down.

    Remember, it is more about appearance also. I have met many guys who are straightforward and will tell women they don't do girlfriends. I have never heard a women say this but it generally doesn't surprise me when I hear about a women cheating.

  7. #7
    D Chef Guest

    Default Re: Are all women monogamus?

    I don't think they can stay that way either. I was married for 9 yrs and have a kid and caught wife w/ b/f. then 2 yrs later Im in a committed relationship w/ a girl where she practically lived with me for 9 months, she talked about marriage and all then one day she disappeared for 3 weeks. She said she was busy w/ family business came back over for a weekend then poof gone. Found out she was screwing this other dude on the side past 2 months while I was at work. Kinda part of reason Im in here now, kinda lost confidence in approaching

  8. #8
    Mystery_wannabe Guest

    Default Re: Are all women monogamus?

    Quote Originally Posted by D Chef View Post
    I don't think they can stay that way either. I was married for 9 yrs and have a kid and caught wife w/ b/f. then 2 yrs later Im in a committed relationship w/ a girl where she practically lived with me for 9 months, she talked about marriage and all then one day she disappeared for 3 weeks. She said she was busy w/ family business came back over for a weekend then poof gone. Found out she was screwing this other dude on the side past 2 months while I was at work. Kinda part of reason Im in here now, kinda lost confidence in approaching
    damn dude, sry to hear that. I never realized this could happen especially when you've mentioned being with your first wife fr 9 yrs. Relationships can be so complicating =/


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