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Thread: In comfort, then freaks out!

  1. #1
    Asian_Watts is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default In comfort, then freaks out!

    Talking to this girl over Facebook, already been out for day 2 and were coming up to a day 3.
    When all of a sudden (cue scary music) we start talking about ex's and stuff, she says that she can't stand a guy who is shallow enough to talk to a girl for looks. Which I'm thinking 'every girl doesn't want to believe it, but really, they love it!' She's all like 'you don't understand' and she then tells me something really personal and sensitive. It's intense.

    So at this stage I was thinking I must be in comfort otherwise she wouldn't have told me. But all of a sudden she freaks out. Says a load of things and finishes with 'just leave me alone'.

    I didn't say anythingg to provoke this after she told me the thing so it was really out the blue!
    That was last night and I don't know how to further pursue.

    Tips?

  2. #2
    PUAKevin is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: In comfort, then freaks out!

    Ok, I think she indeed had a lot of comfort by telling you that intense thing about her. You say you didn't say anything to provoke her ending the conversation with a bad note. But that could be the problem, if you didn't say anything at all or wans't comforting her enough than that could have triggered her reaction. Imagine it yourself, if you tell something very intense about yourself and she is just sitting there, not really responding or comforting you, than you will think she doesn't care/she's weird or whatever.

    To avoid this situation the next time, you should make sure that she knows you understand her and that you accept her fully despite the thing she just told you. Comfort her by kissing her, stroking her. You should kind of reward her for the fact that she just shared something intense with you.

    Now on to damage control. The thing happened so don't overthink the situation. Now you could text/call/meet in person and tell her that you are glad/proud that she told you her intense thing. Tell her it caught you out of the blue so you didn't know how to respond at that moment.

    This reply is based on the fact that you didn't say anything or the wrong thing while she was saying her intense thing. She could also be emotionally unstable, told you her intense thing and all of the sudden regretted saying it to you and thus had a freaky emotionally response.

    Please let me know, how things are progressing

  3. #3
    x Mojo x's Avatar
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    Default Re: In comfort, then freaks out!

    Depends on what this "thing" is that she told you. That could greatly affect what to do. It could be that what you sparked was really painful and probably a new wound that she either transposed onto you for invoking or vented to you about out of that upset state.

    For me, not knowing what she said, I'd say your best bet is to give her space and see what happens. She may be in an emotional state that you don't even want to take the time to penetrate, but from the sound of it she's not just going to brush it off and return to being happy and attracted. I'd cut my losses. Good luck buddy. Cheers.

    - Mojo

  4. #4
    Asian_Watts is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: In comfort, then freaks out!

    Okay guys here are the updates! The next day I re-initialised conversation with something off topic and she came back with a 'don't pretend to be my friend'. In that moment my jaw dropped. But salvaged it and we were back into comfort, she would even joke about her 'thing' at times!
    Then came the next issue. This girl was known for messing this guy about, because she's a classic case of you got to let her do the chasing. Cat and string right? So I would use some disqualification techniques like bro, mate, stuff like that to make her think I'm not overly interested in her, but of course I'd still refer to our meet up as a date.

    She then came out with: 'one minute I'm your friend, the next you're saying about dates? I'm confused. '

    This is after organising a day 3 (which is a quiet movie at my place).

    I tried to play it cool with a 'why don't we just forget the small stuff, and see what happens?' She came back with 'nothing can happen'

    Cut my losses?

  5. #5
    Asian_Watts is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: In comfort, then freaks out!

    So now day 3 is happening Thursday and she's trying to make it loud and clear that I am in the friend zone. Yet she agrees to doing this 'couple' thing? What on earth haha

  6. #6
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    Default Re: In comfort, then freaks out!

    Her actions speak louder than words. Go for the meet up and see what she does in person. She could be saying all the "we're not dating" nonsense, but that doesn't mean she isn't interested. Look at her body language.

    A very good concept I heard about a few weeks ago is this one:
    How to know if a girl is into you? I use a gay-bar comparison. Imagine you being in a gay-bar chatting with a gay guy. You're totally heterosexual so you wouldn't do anything to make him think you're interested.
    Now in real life, if you're talking to a girl and the girl does something, eg. is going to sit on your lap, then you should think the following. Would I do this same move to a gay guy. No you wouldn't so yes she's interested. If she touches you on the shoulder to emphasize a point, then that's not in definition a sign that she's interested, because this is a move you could do to a gay guy without being interested in him. So if you wouldn't do a certain move to a gay guy and she does it to you then that's probably a sign that she's interested.

  7. #7
    Mikalichov is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: In comfort, then freaks out!

    Jeez, I used to chat up one like that, sh!t tests all over the place... You can't afford to give up ground man, it's an every moment fight

    If she says "and you talk about dates, this is not a date", go like "oh no, definitely not a date. It's a bro thing, definitely. Bring up some beer."

    Don't stop calling her dude/bro and stuff. Even try to mention at some point that "hey dude, don't make me friendzone you ok?"

    And above all, good luck, and may the Game be with you.
    Seduction is a martial art. Reading books and talking to experts is important, and helpful. But you won't progress unless you go out there and fight.

  8. #8
    Asian_Watts is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: In comfort, then freaks out!

    Cheers for your help guys! Will keep to posted on updates and that Gay bar ioi tester is very good! Will think of that next meet up!

  9. #9
    EightBall is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: In comfort, then freaks out!

    One thing I like to do if I think I'm being Friend Zoned is start talking about other girls with her. Act like I'm interested in other girls and get a reaction out of her. If she seems jealous at all, probably a good sign you're not in the friend zone.

  10. #10
    Asian_Watts is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: In comfort, then freaks out!

    Hey guys! Day 3 update: so the day before our meet she texts me saying can I ask for a favour: just a cuddle tomorrow. I see this as a bit of a shit test, she's expecting: omg yeah that sounds amazing!!' So I give it a 'tell you what, ill flip a coin on it, let fate decide' . She lapped it up.

    Anyway, she comes over, by chance wins the toss haha, and we start watching a horror film in which we start cuddling. We're cuddling and stroking eachothers arms and legs but nothing sexual, anyway I go for the old mystery kiss close as the IoIs are through the roof. I say do you wanna kiss me? She hesitates a bit, so I just do the, lets find out.

    Turns out: move = AFC.

    She lays back on my lap, but totally retracts. No hand holding, playing my fingers, just gone. I'm thinking I've blown it, so I give her like a mi I Freeze Out, allow her to stay on my lap but I reach for my drink and take my time sipping from it. Once I put my arm back down, she started playing with my fingers again!
    Games back on.
    She tells me later she's not fully over her ex, hence the rejection, but she says this while she's sitting on my lap cuddles up haha.
    Then I tell her I'm off to bath next week for a visit, and she wants to join me. The. buyers remorse later says: actually I don't thinki should as I don't want to get attached.

    Not sure where to go but, will keep updating you guys!


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