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  1. #1
    Brando84 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default What would be my best approach?

    So there is a girl I have been talking to off and on since January. Since first seeing this girl I have had a crush on her and enjoy talking to her. I don't see her a lot, only when she drops thing's off at my job, sometimes she comes and I don't see her, its just the nature of the job.

    She has flirted with me I think, done some Kino, she has joked with me, told me things about her self without me asking things, I have asked her stuff and she's answered my questions, my gut is telling me this girl might like me but, I have just played it cool and not jumped into thing's. I don't know if she just being friendly or showing interest. I am an okay looking guy, a little on the heavy side, this girl is tall and athletic, so I have my doubts.

    I'll just skip ahead to this past week, she came by and started talking about her day, before that she just digs into my pocket to find a pen. I mean who does that? instead of just asking if I have a pen. We talked for a little while and really got a good conversation going and she even gave me a compliment.

    I am attracted to this girl but I am not sure if she feels the same, so to make things weird, I have had a online dating profile for awhile and recently canceled my subscription, just no luck. So I reset my profile views to zero on Sunday night and left it at that, this past Thursday was the night I talked to her.

    So it's 1 am and I log on before bed just to browse again the same night, I log onto my account and there she is on some pick a girl option. I decided to do a search, this girl is a 95% match to me. I couldn't believe it, looks like she just joined the site recently. Also it looks like she may have viewed my profile but I am not sure if it was her, just guessing by the location and age which match her.

    I don't know if she viewed my profile before she came in Thursday and we talked or after, later that night. Like I said I am not 100% sure it was her.

    I'm just wondering what would be the right steps to asking this girl out, should I mention that were matches on the site and then ask if she wants to go out, then ask for the number. Or should I leave the match thing out of it, just ask if she wants to go on a date and get the number. Or should I message her on the site?

    I would appreciate any guidance on this, I am not that great at this and have been trying to come out of my shell a little. I would like to try and do the right thing and get this girl. Thank you in advanced.

  2. #2
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    Lancelot is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: What would be my best approach?

    She's given you IOIs, I would just set something up. I understand that you are nervous and that could fuck things up, so don't worry too much about it. Plan something with your friends, and if you remember, casually mention in the next time you talk. Then, as if you've just had an idea, invite her to join. If she says no due to work or something else, she'll make sure to add "but I'd love to, it sounds fun." Then you say, "Well let me get your number just in case something changes." Dial hers right then and there. Then freeze; if she's into you, she'll text you.

  3. #3
    Brando84 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: What would be my best approach?

    Thank you Lancelot, I will give it a shot and see what happens. Sounds like a plan.

  4. #4
    Brando84 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: What would be my best approach?

    Well guys I might have messed things up or I am just over reacting and analyzing it too much. She showed up on my daily matches and I bit the bullet and hit "Yes" to her. If you guys are not familiar to the dating site, it sends an email to the person letting them know that you're interested in them from your daily matches. I had not seen her since my first post and I did this the "yes" thing last Sunday. I never received anything from her since and she hasn't looked at me profile either.

    I figured this would be an easy way and it would of given us something funny to talk about when I seen her and then bring up about going out in person.


    Well she showed up out of nowhere sometime last week and knocked on the office door and had a smile on her face, but soon as I opened the door, she dropped it and walked in asking the other person in the office about something. As she came in she kind of had a look on her face and looked at me out the corner of her eye. I sensed that it was awkward and I didn't look at her and kept doing what I was doing. They all talked and she said thanks and just left, never said hi or anything too me, basically didn't acknowledge me.

    Now only thing's I can think of is there was too many people around and that's understandable, I don't really want anyone knowing about it either. She was nervous or embarrassed about it or she didn't like it and thinks I am a creep now.

    Now I seen her on Monday this week and since I believe something isn't right, I was just going to try and walk right by her and go back to my department before she seen me. She ended up seeing me but I was moving pretty fast and I never looked at her or make eye contact but, she didn't say anything to me then either.

    Only thing I know I can do is just act like it never happened and keep moving forward, if I see her just talk to her like it never happened. Unless she brings it up then that's different I guess.

    Someone asked me if I was misreading her and confusing flirting to just being friendly. I am sorry what she was doing is flirting, making eye contact, smiles, teasing me, touching me and telling me stuff about her without me asking her. I would consider it flirting. Is there really a definite way to tell the difference, is there anywhere on the forums I should go read up on about this topic?

    What you guys think?

  5. #5
    easyflow is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: What would be my best approach?

    I think your over thinking the "Like" you sent on the dating site. Also, you may be projecting your fondness for this girl, and mistaking it for her having fondness for you. But to dig down someone's pants to get a pen, she may just be a really open and flirty type of person.


    You need to talk to her. Just a simple "Hey, Samantha, how's the day going" (Or whatever her name is). She will reply, and that is it.

    If she is being all cold and distant because you "Like" her profile, she has the issue, not you. When was the last time you got bent out of shape when someone "poked" you on facebook? If anything, I get pissed off if I don't get a poke back.

    So just say "Hi" to her the next time she is in. Be casual like nothing happened. After a bit, things will get back to normal.

    Don't over think it. It will work out. In the mean time, talk and meet other people.

  6. #6
    JafariFTW's Avatar
    JafariFTW is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: What would be my best approach?

    Ever heard the phrase "its only awkward if you make it awkward"? Even though she's the one making it awkward you can shift her perception by acting natural about the siuation. You can do this by asking her why she didnt reply to your online invite (in a playful manner). If you project your humor the right way she will reciprocate the gesture and play along.
    -"Dependence is only a state of mind, Independence is a state of being, because in the end all we really have in the world is ourselves"

  7. #7
    Brando84 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: What would be my best approach?

    I agree with you Jafari, I shouldn't be making it out that way and just accept it as is and Easy flow you're right about just keeping it simple and not changing anything, What you both said go hand in hand. Thank you guy's for your advice I appreciate it.

  8. #8
    maxtazm is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: What would be my best approach?

    ya set up a date, and have some fun, get to know her, make it a little sexual.

  9. #9
    Brando84 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: What would be my best approach?

    So update on this girl guy's, We had a get together for work and I mentioned to my boss he should invite her out. He said they asked her and didn't know if she was coming or not.

    Well she showed up! said hi and everything but didn't really say anything to me when she got there and I was nervous. I said something to my boss and she was like hey! she pulls a seat up and sits right next to me, could have set a seat over, could have set at the seat on the other side, just parks it next to me. we talked for a moment and she touches my arm.

    everyone was talking and I just didn't know what to say or do, kept watching the basketball games on the TV's, she just leans in and asked me who I was rooting for, wasn't talking to anyone else. I told her and we talked for a few more times and kept going.

    Through out the night she kept touching my arm, laid her head on me once during a convo, I was drunk and feeling good, I think she was there a little. had some laughs and I tried talking to her and she would bring something up random. She let me try one of her drinks, asked me if I wanted to try it. She said I could, if I wanted to, she just got over a cold, no extra straw I just grabbed it and took a sip off the side, I don't really know her that well and she don't know me, she lets me try her drink. We were talking about music and this song came on we both sang it together lol, I mean its a big deal for me because I never really go out much yet alone hang with the girl I have a crush on and things just seem to work.

    So towards the end of the night, I finally just said screw it and leaned in and asked her if she was seeing anyone, I had my eyes closed and was drunk now. She said something along the lines of I like someone somewhere or something.. I said well if it doesn't work out I would like to take you out, she didn't really look at me during all this just kind of like okay, I brought up that we should go to a baseball game this summer, she turned and looked at me with a smile and said yeah that would be fun. I cant remember exactly what was said on her part but, was along those lines. I told her she should write her number down for me and she said she would sometime.

    What do you guys think so far on that part ? I kind of talked and flirted with her, I didn't really Kino her as much as she touched me, I didn't really flirt with her much or maybe I did, we talked and had a good time. There was other guys there but she wasn't touching them as much as me. They kept teasing me about stepping my game up and seen what I was doing.

    As I was leaving though, was saying bye to people and she came up and gave me a good hug, not a quick hug, got a good one and said shell see me this week.

    I can see where I might have screwed up and might have succeeded in lettering her know I like her. which I couldn't do when I seen her at work.

    So what should I do now? I don't really want to push it and how should I accept what she said to what I asked. was she just letting me down easy that she's not interested? but yet she acts like she is interested in me the whole time and every time I see her at work.

    I have one other problem and that's another guy, this guy is a straight up player. trying to be alpha and be smooth with his ways. They kind of talked too, he kept saying he was sorry, he tried. I don't know what he was talking about, as in sorry he tried not to hook up with her or what. Said it to me when I was leaving too, they was talking and kind of kept it quiet, she got up and went over sat next to him privately and they talked but don't know about what, that's when he said he tried again and then I got the hug from her.

    This guy seems to act like he's helping me but, he's won a girl I liked over me once before. Like I described I am not the best looking guy and on the heavy side, he is a skinny guy I guess with looks a girl would probably like over me. How can I handle this clown, I kind of want him to back off and not let him do the same thing all over, its every mans fair game but he claims to be a friend but isn't helping.

    Let me know what you guy's think.


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