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  • 3 Post By MiikusMaximus
  • 1 Post By afflixion
  • 1 Post By NoctisCaelumPUA

Thread: Why neediness is such an unattractive trait

  1. #1
    MiikusMaximus is offline PUA in Training
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    Lightbulb Why neediness is such an unattractive trait

    Saw this on quora: Psychology: Why is "neediness" such a repulsive characteristic? - Quora

    Thought it warranted conversation here.

    As my game improves I've noticed two things.
    First, newbies are needy as fuck, it's easy to spot.
    Second, I don't care if you how attracted to you she is, crumble into neediness for a second and chances are high she will lose interest.

    A couple months ago I was buying a hotel room with this gorgeous Asian girl. After I got the key she looked me in the eye and said "OK, I go home now." Half turning away from me. I met her gaze, smiled, said "No, you're coming with me.", took her hand led her to the room and had an awesome night.

    A couple days ago I instant dated a gorgeous Russian model. Just talking with her got my dick hard. She was excited and met me an hour after our initial meeting with a hot friend for my friend. I told them about my friend's rooftop jacuzzi, and near the end of my schpeal there was a moment of neediness. I felt it, she saw it, and it was off, I came close to recovering a couple of times but it was torturous watching her flash back to that moment of Incongruent neediness and not escalating with me.

    These are just two examples of my many experiences with congruence of non-neediness. It goes down that way about 90% of the time. Which is actually good news. Because 10% of the time you can escalate in spite of your neediness, which will definitely help you be less and less needy in the future.

    There is also a decision you make in the moment to attach no importance to the outcome of what you say or do. Practice making that decision. Practice giving options without emotional investment. And always, always, always go for the close.

  2. #2
    DirtyOnPurpose's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why neediness is such an unattractive trait

    That was rich!

    ...and field tested I might add. I think I was lucky to figure out this way to train myself into making quick decisions without emotional investment. A serious game changer.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Why neediness is such an unattractive trait

    Nice link.

    It explains neediness very well and it's easy to conclude why neediness leads to failure when you're running game.

  4. #4
    MiikusMaximus is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Why neediness is such an unattractive trait

    Two key factors to being less needy were brought up in a similar discussion by someone else. Have fun and have options.

    When you're having fun everyone knows it and everything is easier. Several wings have pointed out how much I'm actually enjoying myself while in set. So I started watching newbies and sure enough the sets they were having fun in were the sets that were going well.

    Having options is something I didn't really consider because it's just such a part of my life, but it's very important. I don't care how well or poorly an interaction goes because I can and will turn around and start another. If the girl I'm with doesn't want to our can't sleep with me, there'll be another girl in a day or two... so I don't hurt if it doesn't work out, I just move on.

  5. #5
    NoctisCaelumPUA's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why neediness is such an unattractive trait

    Yeah neediness is a bad frame. Reminds me of the Nice Guys Finish last theory. Back in the day it reminds me of how we always chased the girls we wanted back in School and drove them away and could never N-close a fine female due to aa but we didn't know what it was called at the time lol.

    Back when I was just a Player and Pick Up didn't exist extremely hot women did seem a bit unattainable aka "Hooters Girls" they were so hot I was afraid to look at them. Then when I started approaching hot girls I looked back at these Hooter Girls and this time they were looking at me. It gave me a new ray of confidence. However I have a tendancy to be needy still it surprises me when I display a willingness to walk away conveys so much power and causes women to chase me feels awesome. Also when I go Alpha over text it works wonders how fast it turns women on. It's just you can be needy to be Alpha which then backfires on you so you have to be Outcome Independant too.


    All in all you have to have the mojo to know how to roll. Neediness is so unattractive because people want what they can't have and you have to dangle the carrot to catch the rabbit not by chasing the rabbit. If you chase, chase, chase they run for the hills but if you chase a little, retreat a little (Freeze Out/ Hot & Cold/Push Pull), chase a little, retreat a little, your value skyrockets.

    I think the major issue comes in when we used to be Players on "How to be a Player" websites we were like "fix your shoes" or "ask for her number" and just throwing up prayers. Now back then we didn't understand women and they were like "too mysterious" we never understood the games they play and it felt like a big huge head game. We never understood it and now we laugh at it because now we know the games they play and instead we are the ones with the upper hand (or at least the right information) to having the tools we need to get chicks.

    Back then (2000-2003) when they had no Pick Up websites and Players were underground guys never talked I would hear through the pipeline "Girls talk" "they know about us guys" and that guys didn't talk about girls and it caused Players to be Stag successes with no real method just a bunch of weak Pick Up Lines and Getting Numbers but not knowing what to do with them. But once Pick Up came out and guys got together now "we talk" "guys talk" and it is pretty much Gameover for chicks (or game on) because we got our own ways of handling the silent treatment, iceshields, rejections, objections, closers, openers, getting numbers, etc. But now we know what to do with them and that is the key difference.
    101 Sets, 30 #'s, 4 K-closes, 1 Date, 1 Bar Pull. My next adventure starts Summer 2014 at the Brewfest, Water Park, Bars, Clubs, etc. Getting Hotels now to prevent driving drunk so really only 2-3 times a month doing Night Game June-Oct. Lots of Day Game.

  6. #6
    afflixion is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Why neediness is such an unattractive trait

    "...they were so hot I was afraid to look at them. Then I looked back ... and this time they were looking at me."

    I like this. It says a lot, and I think it nicely summarises the predicament of a lot of guys. We let fear build a reality for us that doesn't even exist. We get so locked up in our own heads that we don't realise there are women all around who are actually interested in us and would like to meet as and get to know us - but we won't even look them in the eye.

  7. #7
    D1v1ou$$'s Avatar
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    Default Re: Why neediness is such an unattractive trait

    I'm feeling this and it's the truth. I think sometimes it's inevitable especially when a set you have carried on with for the majority of the time. I've felt this way with even options, opening and closing several sets then end up with that shuttle feeling of desperation that makes you reach or a lil to far, and it can only go one of two ways.

    Before I totally commit myself in many situations or feel as if things didn't end quite how I intended I remind myself of two things, one, as many of you have already pointed out havefun gain that social proof and dhv, two, one thing my father always said to me wheni I told him about situations that didn't go my way when pertaining to women, YOU CAN'T MISS SOMETHING YOU NEVER HAD. when I think about that it grounds me and reminds me there is much more success out there than there is failure, move forward instead feeling on what's already past, at that very moment.

    Im not trying to get all deep on yall but that neediness is a strong deal breaker, but sometimes you gotta take a step back and take control, why else do you think negs and cocky funny are strong elements in game.
    You can't miss something you've never had, but I can be sure she will regret her opportunity...

    Better known as Debauchivalrious...

  8. #8
    NoctisCaelumPUA's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why neediness is such an unattractive trait

    Quote Originally Posted by afflixion View Post
    "...they were so hot I was afraid to look at them. Then I looked back ... and this time they were looking at me."

    I like this. It says a lot, and I think it nicely summarises the predicament of a lot of guys. We let fear build a reality for us that doesn't even exist. We get so locked up in our own heads that we don't realise there are women all around who are actually interested in us and would like to meet as and get to know us - but we won't even look them in the eye.
    Eloquent choice of words there yeah. But to give you the full story back when I was in my very early twenties and late teens I saw the Hooters girls as totally hot and unattainable. My friend worked there and was a pretty cool guy but very average looking. I was so jealous he got to work there and he told me the girls would say he looked cute. I went in one time and all the hot women were a little older than me and seemed you know "high maintenance" like they all seemed like 10's through my rose colored eyes and their assets intimidated me. I was thinking "I can never talk to them" and when they came up I was afraid to strike up a convo.

    Then after getting in the game now in my early 30's I went back to Hooters with a friend and they all seemed like little girls to me. I was like " Oh 7, 6, 6, etc." when normally I probably would have thought more highly of them. Even the Bartender serving me seemed too easy to hit on since no one was really around except for the manager and it would have been easy to get her number. But I was immediately disinterested by them being low quality where as before I was too freaked out by them to do anything.

    Now I hit on the Ice Cold Stunners in Clubs and Bars and there is some really high quality game there. Due to me hitting on the hottest chicks around it has turned me into bit of an Ice Cold Mack myself and after talking to so many of them I am rather numb and therefore harder to impress. It's interesting to say the least of this discovery and shows what growing up and getting confidence can do for you. The biggest thing was hitting on the hottest chicks I could find in Bars and Clubs really raised the bar for me and makes me feel like I have higher standards now.
    101 Sets, 30 #'s, 4 K-closes, 1 Date, 1 Bar Pull. My next adventure starts Summer 2014 at the Brewfest, Water Park, Bars, Clubs, etc. Getting Hotels now to prevent driving drunk so really only 2-3 times a month doing Night Game June-Oct. Lots of Day Game.


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