Approaching a mixed set is not the same as approaching a pure set. When approaching a mixed set you’re going to want to adhere to the Guiding Rule of Mixed Set Dynamics (repeat it again, “the leader of men is the leader of women”). This means that instead of approaching the target or even approaching the set as a whole, you’re going to want to approach the dominant male in the group (if you can’t decide who that is, just approach any male in the group). There are two ways that I typically approach these sets, using an Ego Boost or an opinion opener.
3. Approaching a Mixed Set
(a) Ego Boost
Typically speaking, approaching a woman with a compliment is a death trap—especially if it’s about their looks. This is because every asshole AFC compliments a girl on her looks, and thus, compliments fail to evoke any kind of curiosity or attraction. Fortunately for us, guys don’t get compliments very often. This means most guys don’t know how to handle compliments, and so any random compliment will elicit curiosity and attraction. This means that we can quickly raise our value with a guy, simply by giving him a compliment. Try it out on a guy who is by himself, just to see how it works. 95% of guys will eat this up. Here are some of my favorites:
“Hey, I really like that shirt. Where’d you get it?”
“You have a great overall look going for you, I especially like the hair.”
“Nice watch/chain/bracelet. Most guys have terrible tastes in accessories.”
"Wow, I love that jean jacket/sweater/hat on you. I couldn’t pull it off, but you make it work.”
Within a group dynamic, it’s a good strategy to include the rest of the group in the Ego Boost. In order to do this you want to make sure everyone in the set hears your compliment and then you want to validate your compliment by seeking the set’s opinion (e.g., “This shirt is great! What do you guys think?”). Most members of the set will agree with you because people are typically adverse to conflict, but occasionally someone will challenge you. The challenger will usually be a HB and this will be a shit test. Hold your frame by restating that you agree with the compliment and since everyone else will be agreeing with you, your value is going to be WAY higher than hers. If this is your targets, use this power dynamic to tease her mercilessly.
WARNING!!! If you run into an Antagonizer or set off a Competitors Competitive Drive, a simple Ego Boost will not work! You need to use an Ego Boost that increases their perceived value within the group.
(b) Opinion Openers
This is the same as a traditional opinion opener, but the key here is to get the male opinion and then align yourself with that opinion. They’ll appreciate your support and you’ll quickly get inserted in the group.
I had a great example of this from last night. I walked up to a mixed set, a guy and two HBs (HB 7 and HB 8—guess who my target is). I said to them, “My friend and I have had this debate going all night and Fedoras are never cool, right?” The HB 7 instantly says, “What, were you guys discussing, Justin Timberlake?” I quickly replied with, “Oh, well I guess there is one exception, JT. Well, one living exception, because MJ pulled it off too.” The HB 8 then interjects, “Nope, they’re never cool.” I then turn to the guy and say, “I don’t know, what do you think?” He looks at me and responds with, “I don’t know, I think they have their place.” Without skipping a beat I ask him is name and say, “Actually, I think you could pull off a fedora too. You, JT, and MJ, can all pull it off.” Meanwhile the HB is basically screaming, “Nope, never!” into my ear.
Get creative with opinion openers. Try to use things that are polarizing and that you can jump onboard with the male opinion on.