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Thread: T-Mal's advice on "asking a girl out".

  1. #1
    T-Mal's Avatar
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    Exclamation T-Mal's advice on "asking a girl out".

    Guys need to realize that there's no reason to be nervous about "asking a girl out".

    It's not like girls don't want to be swept off their feet, or flirted with, or asked out... they DO!

    What drives them crazy & makes them defensive, is when a guy beats around the bush & is too timid to just be himself & be up front with her.

    The biggest key to experiencing less rejection & more success is, NEVER ask a girl out before you build attraction.

    And when you DO go for the date, be confident, have a plan & express a fun vibe. (I'll explain why that's important in just a moment)

    Women hate that timid indecisiveness that most guys have.

    And here's a little secret....
    THIS is what it sounds like in her head when you're not confident; regardless of what you're actually saying:
    "Hey, do you maybe want to go out sometime or something? If you don't that's cool too, I was just kinda wondering, you know, if you're not too busy..."

    No, you don't have to be cocky, you don't have to be an arrogant d!ck.... Just be fun & confident.
    But FLIRT FIRST!! ALWAYS!!

    Before you ask her out, flirt with her!

    Flirting will make her more intrigued & curious about you.
    Curiosity = attraction. FUN is the ultimate attraction switch.
    Flirting = fun!

    When a girl is having fun, she's more likely to be agreeable with you, so you're more likely to be "successful".

    Make sense?

    I realize I'm over-emphasizing this, but I've noticed a LOT of questions lately about how /when to ask a girl out.

    OK, now that we've gotten that part down, & you've "asked her out", what's next?

    Try this: Be the guy who "takes charge of the situation". Make a decision & state it... call the shots. Women LOVE that!

    If you're gonna meet her somewhere, tell her where to be, what time to be there, & directions to get there.
    "Let's meet at Wild Wing cafe. It's right next to xxxx on xxxx street, right behind the plaza... you can't miss it. I'll be there at 6:33"

    Trust me, that's gonna score major points with her!

    If you say it like this you're gonna turn her off before you even finish attempting to set something up:
    "Umm, OK what do YOU wanna do? Where do you like to go? What sort of stuff do you like?"

    The thing is, if you flirt & spend a little time chatting, teasing & bantering with her, you can find out the answers to those questions before you "ask her out". Then you'll already know she likes buffalo wings, or the club sandwich, or the margaritas at a certain place.

    But the truth is, women really don't care where you go, or what you do. If you've done your flirting duties properly, she's just gonna be excited to be going out with you!

    Here are a few things I've done on "first dates" that were big hits & the girls thought were awesome...

    Skee ball, laser tag, a picnic in the park on a blanket (not a picnic table... very important!), karaoke, skinny dipping, (Yes I said skinny dipping) the zoo, a museum, bowling, and even making munchie snacks & drinks at HER place with a make-out session planned in the mix.

    It's all about flirting first!

    You CAN escalate to the point of getting a girl to go skinny dipping with you for the first date. It just requires a little patience, expressing a non-needy demeanor, & giving off a fun, confident, exciting vibe.
    (And NO... not every girl is gonna go skinny sipping... so you have to reach a point where you know how to bring up certain topics, as well as WHEN to bring them up; in order to find out if she's the adventurous type.)

    But all in all, getting a "yes" when you ask a girl out is easy. You just have to separate yourself from every other douchebag who's hitting on her, all using the same lame approach or stupid pickup lines, or are just too scared to be bold enough & different in some way.

    So, to sum it all up.... LEARN TO FLIRT!


    Need one on one private coaching? PM me for details.

  2. #2
    dave_xxx's Avatar
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    Default Re: T-Mal's advice on "asking a girl out".

    T-Mals does it again. Nice post bro.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: T-Mal's advice on "asking a girl out".

    OK, so I'm chatting with a girl on POF right now who is 10 years younger than I am.

    We got on the subject of music (she asked about my favorite styles) & discussed bad first dates, where she told me a funny story.

    This is about 6 messages into our interaction... and I decided to throw out the skinny dipping subject with HER, just because I wanted to see how she would react.

    Here's the message exchange:

    My reply to her: Yeah, I do like some country music, but I'm definitely a rocker at heart.

    Ya know, your bad date description / scenario sounds like a great scene for a movie! LOL!
    I'm guessing there was no 2nd date?

    So, what's the most adventurous first date you've been on?
    I'll say that mine would have to be "skinny dipping".



    Her response: Lol nope no second date! Hmm now I am going to seem dull. Haven't done anything too adventurous on a first date unfortunately. I was married young and for 11 yrs so I am just starting to date really.

    Mostly just meeting for coffee or dinner, skinny dipping would be awesome though!! But of course not in this weather. hahaha

    A rocker huh? I better watch out



    You can't come off as crude, vulgar or overtly sexual. That just creeps a girl out.
    You have to use charm, confidence, and express it in a fun, non-threatening / non-creepy way.

    Notice I didn't talk about "seeing her naked" or make lewd comments about her in any way.
    I presented the topic with class & in a fun, confident, matter-of-fact manner.

    We haven't even talked about US going on a date. Like I said, this is only 6 messages into our interaction.

    But I'm not boring her with the same messages every other schmuck on POF is sending her. I'm not asking her about her job, or what she does for a living.
    And the only reason we got on the subject of music is because she asked me. Otherwise I'd wait a little bit longer to bring that up too.

    My point here is, BEFORE you ask a girl out, make sure she knows YOU are a FUN GUY!
    Cyndi Lauper said (sang) it best, "Girls just wanna have FUN".

    If I decide to "ask this girl out", I'm pretty much 100% sure I'm gonna get a yes.
    Not because I'm the best looking guy she's ever seen... not because I have the body of a greek god... but because I flirted & created attraction by being FUN!

    When you flirt from the very beginning, you can cut out a lot of unnecessary crap & weed out the girls who aren't gonna fit your list of qualifiers a lot sooner.
    You'll know almost instantly if she's the type you're gonna like & vice versa.

    Fun & confidence... Those are the two biggest components you need.
    If you're lacking them, it's gonna make everything soooo much harder for you.


    Need one on one private coaching? PM me for details.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: T-Mal's advice on "asking a girl out".

    t-mal has the right way to get dates and minimize flakes.
    the three most attractive traits you can display are; humor,dominance and leadership.

    t-mals strategy incorporates all three.


    display dominance and leadership by knowing what you're going to do before you set up the date. have a time and place in mind and stick with your plan.

    also don't let the girl set the time and date. lets say I ask a girl to go out Thursday.
    so she says "how's about Saturday"

    my response is," lets compromise, we'll go out Friday night"

    (notice how I still lead the interaction despite her disagreeing on the exact date and time)

    always set up dates for convenient dates and times. don't cancel any plans just to go out on a date.

  5. #5
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    Default Re: T-Mal's advice on "asking a girl out".

    What's REALLY fun is, when you've been flirting with a girl & building the attraction so well, that she starts dropping hints that she wants you to ask her out.


    If you're ever talking to a girl & she begins throwing out questions/comments like, "What do you like to do on a date?" or "Where do you like to go?" or "I've never done xxxx or been to xxxx but would like to try it..." Then you can be pretty certain she's gonna say yes when you go for the meet up.

    Pay attention to those clues!!

    If you notice she agrees with almost everything you say & laughs at all your jokes, she's trying to let you know she WANTS you to ask her out.

    These are just a few more tips & insights to help you increase your success rate.




    Need one on one private coaching? PM me for details.

  6. #6
    Blistex is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: T-Mal's advice on "asking a girl out".

    Great post man, it's totally true about asking a girl out. I should probably do this heh, I havn't dated for like almost a year now.
    KISS - Keep it Stupid Simple

  7. #7
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    Default Re: T-Mal's advice on "asking a girl out".

    T-Mal is right on. If a girl tells you she want's to do something that you are really into that means she wants you to ask her out. Where I live fishing is HUGE. All the girls know I like to fish, and even if THEY don't, they pretend they do. Whenever I have a girl say "Direct bring me fishing!" All I really hear is "Direct F-me!".

  8. #8
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    Default Re: T-Mal's advice on "asking a girl out".

    One of my favorite lines to use when telling a girl when/where to be is this ...

    "Let's meet at Wild Wing cafe. It's right next to xxxx on xxxx street, right behind the plaza... you can't miss it. I'll be there at 6:33. And wear that outfit that is going to become my favorite."

  9. #9
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    Default Re: T-Mal's advice on "asking a girl out".

    Quote Originally Posted by DirectIsBest View Post
    Whenever I have a girl say "Direct bring me fishing!" All I really hear is "Direct F-me!".
    Lolololololololololo lolololololololololo lolololololololololo lolololololololol
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  10. #10
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    Default Re: T-Mal's advice on "asking a girl out".

    Good talks all around. Not much to add except a little tip remember to keep eye contact when flirting with her, and when asking her out. Maintaining eye contact projects confidence and energy.


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