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Thread: How to continue mentally after the bf-line?

  1. #11
    I.M.Mortal's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to continue mentally after the bf-line?

    I DID hear it. I can't pretend that I did not. That's why I opened this thread. As I wrote, it is not about repartee, it is about dealing with that feeling it causes inside(like her saying "you are not good enough as a sexual partner, only as a friend").
    I think you are taking what I said too literal and you are missing the point, which other posters are trying to hammer into your head. This goes back to the whole concept of rejection. When guys get rejected it automatically implies that "you are not good enough." This holds true to getting a job or anything else for that matter. You need to reframe that as an incompatibility. A girl is being a bitch? Doesn't get your humor? Called you a creep? = Incompatible. You probably wouldn't want her anyways. A girl has a boyfriend? Wrong timing. = incompatible (more so if you have morale issues with it).

    I mean how the hell do you handle rejection in the first place if a girl is not interested? Your problem is you are taking it too personal. As the other posters said, you care too much and worry like an AFC. And hence, that is my whole point - you couldn't let it go out the other ear because YOU CARE TOO MUCH. A guy who is confident doesn't give a shit. So work on it.

  2. #12
    ED11356's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to continue mentally after the bf-line?

    I've actually written this in one of my word documents that's essentially meant to counter if the girl says she has a BF.

    Credit to TheDuke for coming up with this:

    What to say if she says “I have a BF”

    "Cool. I'm seeing other people too. But let's be honest with ourselves here. Life is short, we're both young, and things change quickly. I mean, what if we'd be perfect together, but instead of discovering that I walked out of here without getting to know you, all because you're seeing someone today who might be gone tomorrow?"

    It works because it keeps your value high, it instills a sense of loss in her, and makes her resent her bf just a little bit. Be careful though, you have to make sure you have built attraction before you pull stuff like this.

    If you're just going for a Number Close, a simplified version can be employed:

    "That's cool. But things change quickly and who knows where we'll be tomorrow. Why don't you give me your number so we can stay in touch?"
    Always be honest with women. That's the true meaning of a PUA.

  3. #13
    cturner1016 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: How to continue mentally after the bf-line?

    Never let the fact someone has a boyfriend as a reason to give up. There is no ring. Most woman sleep around anyway, if they are going to sleep with someone why not you? The boyfriend can keep her, you are just borrowing her Keep your chin up high bro and keep fighting!

  4. #14
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    Default Re: How to continue mentally after the bf-line?

    Quote Originally Posted by ED11356 View Post
    I've actually written this in one of my word documents that's essentially meant to counter if the girl says she has a BF.

    Credit to TheDuke for coming up with this:

    What to say if she says I have a BF

    "Cool. I'm seeing other people too. But let's be honest with ourselves here. Life is short, we're both young, and things change quickly. I mean, what if we'd be perfect together, but instead of discovering that I walked out of here without getting to know you, all because you're seeing someone today who might be gone tomorrow?"

    It works because it keeps your value high, it instills a sense of loss in her, and makes her resent her bf just a little bit. Be careful though, you have to make sure you have built attraction before you pull stuff like this.

    If you're just going for a Number Close, a simplified version can be employed:

    "That's cool. But things change quickly and who knows where we'll be tomorrow. Why don't you give me your number so we can stay in touch?"
    I think we just struck gold boys. Mission accomplished! It's time to go home.

  5. #15
    Peter Preston's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to continue mentally after the bf-line?

    Today I experienced the next step. How to continue mentally after the bf line AND the bf coming up and introducing himself with an aggressive "Hi"?

  6. #16
    Carter21 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: How to continue mentally after the bf-line?

    Quote Originally Posted by I.M.Mortal View Post
    I see your situation. Usually when a girl busts out the bf card, it's her way of sub communicating a degree of disinterest. As Adam said, sometimes it is a Sh1t Test if she is not sure. For the most part, she is not all that attracted to you because if she was really attracted to you, she would covet the attention and wouldn't want to scare/discourage you with the bf card.

    The key here is persistence and keep your frame. You just carry on as if you didn't hear it. Anytime a girl brings up her bf, just make pretend that word goes from one ear and out the other. You don't even speak that language. In fact, just interpret that entire sentence without the word 'boyfriend' and respond. That takes constant exposure and conditioning.

    Plus there are tactics called boyfriend destroyers. One tactic involves using a strawman fallacy where you can probe how strong their relationship is. Most long term relationship suffers from lack of passion, jealousy, abuse. The relationship is in comfort mode, sex is routine, the guy stops going out of his way to impress her because he is so secured. In fact, in most cases, you have a better shot at a girl that has a bf than a single who has her pick from a bunch of suitors.

    The girl I'm working on has a bf for 2 years that she lives with. At one point, she even scolded me via text saying "you are very well aware I have a bf, blah blah blah (basically I hope don't have other motives). I made a comeback that made her laugh as if I never knew following my example. "Oh sh1t! You have a bf? *Gasp* Does he know about us?"

    And later through persistence, a good game, plausible deniability, I managed to close a date with her. But I had to calibrate their relationship, find holes in it, and become to her what her guy is not.

    Now, when she scolded me I would be lying to you if I said I wasn't shaken. But, if I stopped there because I thought that it's game over and I don't have a shot in hell, well I've just defeated myself and talked myself out of it. You fail 100% if you don't try.

    Only once you realize and embrace the fact that attracting a girl with a boyfriend is not that difficult and you have PUA tools at your disposal (Boyfriend Destroyers, etc), you can have the confidence to move forward. And everytime a girl says "I have a bf," it doesn't even move you. Your comebacks become innate.

    There is a lot of materials out there on how to deal with women with boyfriends.

    Xavier also has an excellent guide on this forum on boyfriend destroyer tactics that I have used efficiently.

    The process of mentally preparing to deal with the "boyfriend" line is no different than getting over the hump of cold approaching a girl. No the bf will not just appear and kick your ass or cockblock u, unless you are dumb enough to make your move on a girl who is obviously with her guy. And a bf who feels the need to do that is actually lowering his value because it makes him look insecure/jealous.
    I'm experiencing a similar situation to yours, where a girl I'm interested in has been with her boyfriend for a year and a half and lives with him. However, the doubt I'm having is that, sure, I could try and go for her anyway, but the process of disengaging her from someone she's been with for so long and getting her with me seems like a very long process that would require a high level of execution, patience, and effort to accomplish. And success is far from guaranteed, as one mistake, such as a BF destroyer thats not presented subtly enough, could tip her off to your intentions before she's ready. Do you think this is worth the effort, vs just going for someone who's single?

  7. #17
    I.M.Mortal's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to continue mentally after the bf-line?

    Preston,

    Those are good questions.

    There is one thing I failed to mention in my field report. During the time that I am gaming her, I am also gaming other women. Not as much as the younger guys on the forum because I am older now and my passion and my time lies elsewhere in my career, my health and my artistic endeavors. The night she and I set date, I number closed a tall zumba instructor wearing high bootie shorts who just moved from Alaska.

    You need to do the same. Think of other women as “batting practice” and most importantly you need to try to develop an abundance Mindset so you don’t develop one-itis and fall into AFC mode. You need to keep your emotions in check and that is what helps you as a PUA. You don’t have to fvck a bunch of girls to have this. You can build a social circle of girls as friends as well. F-closing a bunch of girls is a revolving door (unless you are so good in the sack, they become addicted to you). But girls as friends last longer. Hence, retention is vital.

    As for your other question, yes it is a long process, and whether she is worth it is something you need to make an informed decision. I don’t know how old you are, but I can share my experience that after dating my share of women, I made my choice at age 41 to compromise the morals I held for years. I’ll say it again, as a man you owe it to yourself to find the best woman for you. Is she the best woman for you? You need to think really really hard and clearly on this one. Her being the hottest chick you ever seen is NOT the answer. How well do you know her? How compatible are her interests/values to yours? Do you see any red flags in her so far?
    Moreover, how happy is she in her current relationship? You need to know this. You need to find out about her bf. If she is a dancer and the bf is a dancer, but you are not a dancer, then you have no business coming in between them. You are fishing in the wrong pond.

    I'll give you an example of compatibility:
    - We are both dance enthusiasts who started in hip hop now in salsa
    - We are both into fitness. I am a fledgling bodybuilder and she is a aspiring fitness model who teaches cardio salsa.
    - We are somewhat athletic. I train in mma. She loves to play flag football, beach vball and soccer once in a while.
    - We both love musicals.
    - We are both youtube junkies.
    - We both went to a unisex highschool (she went to an all girl hs and I went to an all boy hs)
    - We both don't drink alcohol at all nor smoke, but love going to nightclubs for the atmosphere.
    - We both were raised in a household where our self-esteem was tested. (I had a strict mom who emphasis education and restricted my social development. She had pageant obsessed aunts that expect her to look and behave a certain way)
    - We have the same religious and political views.
    - We both wear glasses and contacts are hard on our eyes due to dry eyes.
    - We both did network marketing in the past.
    - We are both 50/50 in terms of ethnicity.
    - We are both not materialistic, valuing financial security and the peace of mind it brings over mundane things.
    - We are both grounded (she isn't an instable drama queen)

    If your compatibility with the girl you are after comes close or tops this off, then go for it. I wish you the best.

  8. #18
    Peter Preston's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to continue mentally after the bf-line?

    Quote Originally Posted by I.M.Mortal View Post
    Preston,

    Those are good questions.
    Those aren't mine. Those aren't mine.

  9. #19
    TheGeneral's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to continue mentally after the bf-line?

    Quote Originally Posted by Peter Preston View Post
    Today I experienced the next step. How to continue mentally after the bf line AND the bf coming up and introducing himself with an aggressive "Hi"?
    Honestly, it depends on your stature and value vs. his. I've never had a girl's boyfriend get aggressive with me, they either hate me behind my back or they act overly friendly towards me(sometimes both).

    As far as continuing mentally your frame shouldn't change much depending on what a woman says to you. Personally, I think changing your frame to please women is weak beta behavior. When I am in a situation where the girl has a boyfriend I don't change anything. I keep talking about the same stuff. I'm still sexual. I escalate as much as she lets me, and then depending on the girl I will plow through or drop her altogether, same as I would treat any other girl.

  10. #20
    JackSarge's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to continue mentally after the bf-line?

    There's a number of factors. Yes some BF's are aggressive. I had some guy threaten to beat me up after I scored the Bartender's digits at the Bar (but she lead me on). He stole her phone and was texting me like a psycho.

    Now beyond that I usually never approach a mixed set (bros before girls) but sometimes I am feeling like an AMOG so I can approach a guy and girl set if the guy doesn't seem right for her or I will ask the guy beforehand. I have pulled VIP girls from tables of guys before too just depends on my mood. If you focus on it being a factor don't do it. If you are feeling good then do it as this creates value to win the group.

    Pre-Frame
    Now in terms of actual game the "Mindset" is take it with a grain of salt. Sometimes it's the truth, sometimes it's a lie/sh!t test, and sometimes it just plain doesn't matter. I had a girl ditch her BF at a restaurant which he left without her and she stayed staring at me inviting the approach. I had a girl's girlfriend cockblock me and say "She has a BF" and due to the restaurant incident I had the night before I had the right pre-frame I said to the cockblock "Girls ditch their BF's for me all the time" (notice the exaggeration). But it worked and they both approved of me and at that point they wanted to leave with me after the close and were waiting for me but due to the wrong (BF) mindset I ignored the target(s) and lost the Set as I didn't expect them to flip for a split second before they split.

    Girls have told me the widlest of stories. One for instance on a girl I met at a music event. She told me "I have my eye on someone sorry" I thought I was done but pushed it anyway "Well you were into me last night and eyeing me hard that's why you gave your number!" She liked that and told me points for persistance.

    Then later a girl said she was with a guy and no guy was around so because I acted Beta she went for the first guy she saw which was a total nerd just to spite me. Girls have told me they were going to meet their BF and then allow me to game them and entertain me for half an hour? That was a 10. A girl told me "my challenge" was she had a "Fiance" and because she said I couldn't break her I wouldn't get laid that night.

    Then further into a girl asked if I was gay, invited me to her VIP table, gave me free drinks, then said she was waiting for her BF? I said "why did you hit on me then?" she told me she wasn't hitting on me.

    Winning the Girl
    In the end most girls are just fibbing to see if you can yes win them over and have a strong frame of entitlement. A strong frame of entitlement has gotten me past the BF rejection for the N-close, K-close, and almost the F-close. So in the end girls ain't too serious unless they blast you right away. But if they are entertaining you chances are you are in the clear as long as you can properly transition and overcome the BF. Remember you can acknowledge the BF and still be Alpha just depends on the night. Like I may start telling girls to ditch their BF. But I usually never stay in a Set when a BF is there she says or is on arrival unless I feel like I can pull it off. To continue mentally you have to have a feeling of entitlement and have good comebacks.

    Also your pre-frame has to be "If this girl wants me she won't stop me from getting what I want." Sometimes they tell me they have a BF and I just walk away but sometimes I act like they are crazy and pull it off. It is one of the worst sh!t tests out there and you need to bring the frame "unless some guy is coming to save her I am going to win her."


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