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Thread: How to continue mentally after the bf-line?

  1. #1
    Peter Preston's Avatar
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    Question How to continue mentally after the bf-line?

    When a girl tells me that she has a boyfriend, it throws me off course. I don't have the courage to talk about sexual topics then and escalate even though I don't have moral issues with that.

    To me, when she says, she has a boyfriend it means: it's all over, I will never sleep with you, you don't need to try further.

    So to those who successfully continue after the boyfriend-line, how do you do that mentally?

  2. #2
    Adam Taylor's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to continue mentally after the bf-line?

    Mentally: yeah it sucks, and to be totally honest, it just hit me for a second, no matter what I say or do. The main goal is not to show it to the girl. "I have a boyfriend" is the most common shittest. It's like 50-50 if she really has one or just shittesting you. I usually respond for that without thinking: "And I have 2 dogs and a mini-rabbit, so what?" and continue gaming. Or "Ohh-hey, I don't know you yet, and you just start sharing intimate things? Slow down missy, it's too fast for me". But Wwhat I really care about: how she said it. If I can tell it from her voice, body language etc. that she really has a boyfriend, I respect it and just move on.

  3. #3
    Peter Preston's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to continue mentally after the bf-line?

    You misunderstood me. I don't have problems with a comeback, my problem is with continuing mentally. My mind goes blank - probably also because I presume the boyfriend to appear and challenge me or something like that. I don't know.

    But I do know that it's the same reason for every other man out there who has an uneasy feeling in that situation.

    By "successfully continuing" I mean "proceeding no matter whether the bf is real or not".

  4. #4
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    Default Re: How to continue mentally after the bf-line?

    I see your situation. Usually when a girl busts out the bf card, it's her way of sub communicating a degree of disinterest. As Adam said, sometimes it is a Sh1t Test if she is not sure. For the most part, she is not all that attracted to you because if she was really attracted to you, she would covet the attention and wouldn't want to scare/discourage you with the bf card.

    The key here is persistence and keep your frame. You just carry on as if you didn't hear it. Anytime a girl brings up her bf, just make pretend that word goes from one ear and out the other. You don't even speak that language. In fact, just interpret that entire sentence without the word 'boyfriend' and respond. That takes constant exposure and conditioning.

    Plus there are tactics called boyfriend destroyers. One tactic involves using a strawman fallacy where you can probe how strong their relationship is. Most long term relationship suffers from lack of passion, jealousy, abuse. The relationship is in comfort mode, sex is routine, the guy stops going out of his way to impress her because he is so secured. In fact, in most cases, you have a better shot at a girl that has a bf than a single who has her pick from a bunch of suitors.

    The girl I'm working on has a bf for 2 years that she lives with. At one point, she even scolded me via text saying "you are very well aware I have a bf, blah blah blah (basically I hope don't have other motives). I made a comeback that made her laugh as if I never knew following my example. "Oh sh1t! You have a bf? *Gasp* Does he know about us?"

    And later through persistence, a good game, plausible deniability, I managed to close a date with her. But I had to calibrate their relationship, find holes in it, and become to her what her guy is not.

    Now, when she scolded me I would be lying to you if I said I wasn't shaken. But, if I stopped there because I thought that it's game over and I don't have a shot in hell, well I've just defeated myself and talked myself out of it. You fail 100% if you don't try.

    Only once you realize and embrace the fact that attracting a girl with a boyfriend is not that difficult and you have PUA tools at your disposal (Boyfriend Destroyers, etc), you can have the confidence to move forward. And everytime a girl says "I have a bf," it doesn't even move you. Your comebacks become innate.

    There is a lot of materials out there on how to deal with women with boyfriends.

    Here is a nice starting point.
    http://www.puatraining.com/blog/boyf...royer-strategy

    Xavier also has an excellent guide on this forum on boyfriend destroyer tactics that I have used efficiently.

    The process of mentally preparing to deal with the "boyfriend" line is no different than getting over the hump of cold approaching a girl. No the bf will not just appear and kick your ass or cockblock u, unless you are dumb enough to make your move on a girl who is obviously with her guy. And a bf who feels the need to do that is actually lowering his value because it makes him look insecure/jealous.

  5. #5
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    Default Re: How to continue mentally after the bf-line?

    "Oh you have a boyfriend? I do too. In fact, I have many boy friends and girl friends. You must feel very lonely with just one boy friend..."

    Brush it off, and go on like you couldn't care less.
    It's not about who I was or who I'm going to become.

    It's about who I am. Do it right here, right now.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: How to continue mentally after the bf-line?

    Again: I have no problems with a comeback, I have a problem dealing with it afterwards mentally. Mentally. That means, dealing with the uneasiness without her noticing it. Spewing out witty remarks as comebacks does not solve the problem.

    The key here is persistence and keep your frame. You just carry on as if you didn't hear it. Anytime a girl brings up her bf, just make pretend that word goes from one ear and out the other. You don't even speak that language. In fact, just interpret that entire sentence without the word 'boyfriend' and respond. That takes constant exposure and conditioning.
    I DID hear it. I can't pretend that I did not. That's why I opened this thread. As I wrote, it is not about repartee, it is about dealing with that feeling it causes inside(like her saying "you are not good enough as a sexual partner, only as a friend").

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    Default Re: How to continue mentally after the bf-line?

    That's just an inner battle you're gonna have to learn to deal with.
    But personally, if I discover a girl really does have a boyfriend / husband, I eject!
    I'm NOT gonna be the douchebag who interferes with someone else's relationship.

    And that's not the kind of girl I want to be with anyway.... The thing is, if a girl would cheat on someone else to be with me, she'd probably cheat on me to be with someone else too.

    However; If it's just a sh!t test though & there IS NO boyfriend, then it's no different than any other sh!t test.

    So don't let it affect you any differently if that's the case.



    Need one on one private coaching? PM me for details.

  8. #8
    Peter Preston's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to continue mentally after the bf-line?

    That's just an inner battle you're gonna have to learn to deal with....don't let it affect you
    Please elaborate that a bit............

  9. #9
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    Default Re: How to continue mentally after the bf-line?

    Push................ ................

  10. #10
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    Default Re: How to continue mentally after the bf-line?

    Dude.

    If this comes off as me being mean, good, I hope it does because you need to hear this.

    I get what you're trying to say. Kinda. You're uneasy about her having a boyfriend because you're scared of him mentally? Seriously man. Toughen up. He's not going to just show up and beat you up. He's just another guy, & it literally does not matter. EVEN if he did try to do something about you approaching his girl, it makes him look insecure and it's a dlv for him.
    Now if you're approaching girls that are OBVIOUSLY with there boyfriend then that's another story. Don't do that.
    Stop caring if she has a boyfriend. Mentally try to view it as your trying to make friends with her if it emotionally destabilizes you that much, but it shouldn't.
    You need stronger inner-game and self confidence. You're acting like a wimp. Stop acting like a wimp.
    Search the forums for inner-game stuff. & take MMA lessons or something to build your self-confidence I suppose. Hit the weights.

    Now personally, if she actually has a boyfriend I walk away or don't give her the time of day. But that's because morally I feel horrible doing that, especially if I know the guy and he's a nice guy. I'd rather not feel like a sh**** person after sleeping with a girl.
    But, you can do what you want.


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