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Thread: Good conversation vs a conversation where a connection was made

  1. #1
    Carter21 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Good conversation vs a conversation where a connection was made

    Since being introduced to the pickup community, I've become more confident in my ability to talk to girls (and people) in general. I can honestly say that I am no longer shy in the sense that I do not get anxious when being introduced to new people.

    The next step is to do more than just converse, but to build a connection. However, when thinking of exactly how to do this, I draw blank. Humor obviously helps, but I know there's more to it than that.

    I know what it sounds like when a connection isn't made. I'll overhear coworkers talking. They'll gossip about other people, recent news stories, and maybe even talk about some events going on in their lives, and these talks might even last a while. But usually I get The Vibe that this is just chatter - small talk.

    What is present in a conversation where two people will think about it happily after its over? The kind where, afterwards, the other person will be excited at the idea of talking to them again? What do you do to connect with the girl on a personal level? All advice is appreciated.

  2. #2
    I.M.Mortal's Avatar
    I.M.Mortal is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Good conversation vs a conversation where a connection was made

    To connect with a girl on a personal level and establish comfort, my tactic (which is taught in several PUA circles) is what's known as "...I'll go first."

    If you just bust out a personal question, there's a good chance that she will be reluctant to open up, and if she does, you may be getting a shallow answer.

    So you volunteer to go first. For example:

    "So tell me, what's the most embarrassing moment in your life?"
    (A brief pause)
    "I'll tell you what, I'll go first this time."

    When you do share your moment, make sure it is deep and personal. Not something shallow and silly like "Taking a sh1t in your pants in 2nd grade." One of the most important thing is what you learned out of it.

    The more personal you get with your story, the more she will open up to you. As a guy, that is how you lead her. If you drop your guards and show vulnerability, she will do the same.

    Others you can try to use.
    "What the most frightening moment in your life?"

    My favorite one is

    "You know how they say 'You are the sum of your experiences?' What is one of the biggest mistakes you ever made? But you had to make this mistake to grow and be the person you are today."
    (a brief pause)
    "Ooh, you know what? That is a deep one. Tell you what, I'll go first..."

    Also, you have to make sure you ease into these questions and not bust them out all of sudden. If you do it right, it can make a girl feel that she's known you forever. Very effective.

    As a friendly reminder, mix comfort up with attraction. Too much comfort and you risk getting "Friend-zoned."

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Good conversation vs a conversation where a connection was made

    The next step is to do more than just converse, but to build a connection. However, when thinking of exactly how to do this, I draw blank. Humor obviously helps, but I know there's more to it than that.
    read the book "how to meet and connect with women" by wayne elise.

    it has everything you need to know about getting into the comfort stage. you should be able to find a pdf version for free on the internet.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Good conversation vs a conversation where a connection was made

    Connecting with women is not that hard. I've read on here that some people think that having a great conversation with a woman does not equal attraction. I disagree with this. If a woman is intelligent and you stimulate her mind it will definitely amplify her attraction.

    I will try to explain how I do this to you, but I've never really thought about it before. I just naturally do it.

    When having small talk, if a subject comes up that you are interested in (or even better she's interested in) elaborate on it. Give her your insights and what you believe about the subject then have her state what she thinks about it. Then dig even deeper.

    One thing that I find very intriguing is human interactions/relationships and body language. Woman find this stuff fascinating! If you know allot about the subject talk about how you feel about it. Make sure you state "I feel..." then ask her how she feels about it. I like to talk about body language and women are WAY better at reading body language then men. So if there are allot of people around I'll say "You know, women are way better then men at reading body language. Lets look at some of the people around us and project what they are like based on their body language." When she says something about somebody ask her why she thinks that. You can then ask her what guys around you she would date, then why and why not.

    This is easy to transition into relationship talk and what she looks for and what you look for. She will almost always ask you what women around you, you would consider dating. I've dated some very attractive women with questionable personalities. I like to make it a point to say something like "Beauty is important to me, but you know what? You are born that way and it doesn't mean you are a good person. Beauty means nothing without a personality to go with it." etc.

    A girl I hooked up with this summer was talking about how much she worked and how she hated work. I told her "Tell me something about your work that you REALLY enjoy. Something that you find rewarding. There has to be something you appreciate about your job, otherwise you would get a new one." She looked away and thought really hard and said "you're right. I really enjoy the relationships I have with the Alzheimer patients. They are so...." (she works at an old folks home). She mentioned something about patients dieing and I said "It must be hard sometimes when a patient you have a relationship with passes away" After she answered this statement I told her "That's why I like you. You are such a caring person. You are also a very upbeat, fun individual, even with all the death around you on a daily basis. It really takes a special kind of person to do the things you do."

    I hope you get the gyst from my response. It took allot of thinking on my part to try and explain it. The key is to be honest with her and tell her how you feel about things. Then have her tell you how she feels about them. I don't make this stuff up or memorize lines. I tell the girl exactly what's on my mind so it's genuine. That's the key to connecting with women.

  5. #5
    DirectIsBest's Avatar
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    Default Re: Good conversation vs a conversation where a connection was made

    I want to add something else. Congratulations on getting over your shyness!! I used to be the guy in high school that NEVER talked. I'm now extremely outgoing and charismatic. That person is in you too. You just have to let it out. Once you do connecting with women is easy! Your on the right path my man.

  6. #6
    Carter21 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Good conversation vs a conversation where a connection was made

    Great advice, guys, this has been helpful. Direct, I'm glad you did take the time to write those thoughts out - that was one of the more useful posts I've found on the site.


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