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  • 1 Post By marvilo
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Thread: Trouble Looking in the Eyes During Conversation

  1. #1
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    Default Trouble Looking in the Eyes During Conversation

    So there is this girl I talk to at work (not very often, I haven't worked with her for a couple weeks and were still in high school) that I've gone on a lunch "date" with (school lunch we went to Subway together, she initiated this) and eaten break with before, but she lost interest, I wouldn't say I'm in the friend zone because we don't really interact anymore so I think I can try to game her in the future. Anyway, the reason I believe this happened is because I was really nervous (showed lack of confidence) because she was an upper class girl and I am lower-middle class and I had trouble looking her in the eyes every time we sat down face to face. I'd always like turn my head and look around all awkwardly but I felt like I couldn't help it. Does anybody else who has experienced this have any advice on how to combat it? I know I'm capable of getting 9's and 10's (my last serious ex was a 9) but these days I just feel so nervous around them. I can fight the nerves and keep a humorous conversation going but I can't really look them in the eye so I look awkwardly in a different direction and then try to remake eye contact but then the same thing happens.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Trouble Looking in the Eyes During Conversation

    The only way to combat that is to practice holding eye contact with everyone you walk by or come into contact with.

    When it comes to skills hard work and practice can overcome lack of natural talent. Look at athletes who talk about hard work and preparation they do off the field to become professional athletes. They also talk about friends who had more natural talent than they did but they didn't make it because they weren't prepared to put in the time , effort or sacrifice to develop their skills.

    1/ Work on you body language.

    2/ Smile and start making eye contact with people who are walking by, say "Hi" or"Hello" and holding that eye contact with everyone for 5 seconds. Then make it 7 seconds , then 10 seconds. You'll be surprised by how many smiles you get back.

    After a weeks of solid practice it will just become a part of your "natural" personality but to get there you have to do this with EVERYONE including family, friends, co-workers.

    "Practice is the mother of all skills"

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Trouble Looking in the Eyes During Conversation

    Well I don't like when people stare at me, I get an uncomfortable feeling when people stare at me and think their weird so I try not to do that to other people you know. Theres like a natural sense of awkwardness when you look at someone too long. I think what I need advice on is when to decide to take a brief in the contact and how to do it, because turning my whole head just feels awkward and looking down makes me feel like I'm coming across as timid, you know what I mean? I don't really have trouble looking people in the eye because I'm really outgoing until it comes to sitting down face to face and holding a conversation with a really attractive girl.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Trouble Looking in the Eyes During Conversation

    When you learn to hold eye contact you'll become even better with women. The eyes says it all and once you learn that you won't have to talk to the girl sometimes because you'll be able to convey your interest just by eye contact. The number one lesson in my opinion about eye contact is: The one who breaks first loses and is seem passive in the interaction.
    You lose some you win some, learn from your mistakes and get better!

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Trouble Looking in the Eyes During Conversation

    Man up and stare the woman in her eyes. That's the only advice I can give you. Everything will fall into place after that, but starting today, "man up" despite your feelings, and stare down EVERYONE (Not giving a shit if you come off creepy). You got this!

  6. #6
    voyage is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Trouble Looking in the Eyes During Conversation

    Quote Originally Posted by Trickstar View Post
    I don't really have trouble looking people in the eye because I'm really outgoing until it comes to sitting down face to face and holding a conversation with a really attractive girl.
    Ok, so there is the problem, it is the pressure you are putting on yourself mentally. The thoughts you are having because this person is attractive.

    The fact that you can do this with others and not with the really attractive girls is actually something you could probably fix pretty easily.

    Try telling yourself something like "Yeah, she looks pretty hot but she could be a complete airhead or totally boring. I'll just spend a few moments talking to her and try to work her out first as she may be a complete waste of time and someone I just don't like".. Thing something along those lines and when she is talking, don't just look her in the eyes but slightly glance down to her mouth for a few moments also and then back to her eyes, and sometimes look away for a moment. (you will know when the right time to look away is as only you can feel the moment or when it could be close to getting awkward)

    Basically, take the pressure off yourself (with your own little story similar to what I listed above) and just because she is an attractive woman and you should have no issues whatsoever.

  7. #7
    Carter21 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Trouble Looking in the Eyes During Conversation

    Understand that looking a person in the eyes takes absolutely no physical effort. All you do is: look straight ahead. It takes less work than picking up a pencil.

    Thats the first thing you need to realize - how extremely easy it is to accomplish your goal. The physical action is nothing, its only your emotions that are holding you back.

    Fortunately, your emotions can be corrected over time by desensitizing yourself to whats bothering you. You may not feel like looking at her in the eyes, but do it anyway. There's no way around it, it has to be done. As you do this more, your emotional response will correct itself and you will become more comfortable with eye contact each time you do it. This is the same concept behind weight training. You become stronger after each attempt.

    Incidentally, you cite awkwardness as the reason you avoid looking them in the eyes, but because eye contact is so common in interactions, constantly looking away when someone is right in front of you creates an infinitely larger amount of awkwardness that the former. This piece of knowledge, combined with how easy it is to just look at someone, should help you with eye contact on your next few tries. And after that, you'll become more and more comfortable with it and won't need any more consolations.

    As for when to take your eyes off of her, the trick is to justify it. If you're at lunch, take your eyes off to look at your food/drink as you eat it. Glance at your watch. Check your phone for texts. Show her a picture on it. Look outside a window as if you're enjoying the view of whats outside (especially if its a sunny day).There are plenty of justifications available for looking away for a minute.


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