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Thread: Lets talk about honesty!

  1. #11
    DirectIsBest's Avatar
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    Default Re: Lets talk about honesty!

    Quote Originally Posted by whitedragon View Post
    I understand and no offense meant, except you got a ton of drama it seems anyway. Most of your post was about her dramatic behaviour towards you at the festival. She and your mutual friend understood you didn't see her as a girlfriend and so you wouldn't have been dishonest in sleeping with her. 'After I made out with her I told her "I don't want a gf. lets just be friends." Beth said she already knew that and was fine with it.' Of course she ultimately wants a BF somewhere along the line but after a LTR she may also just want to have fun for a while. If she is a girl who is guaranteed to be full of drama and you already knew that why take her out at all.

    I understand what you're saying. I could have also named this thread "read between the lines" because what a woman says she wants isn't always what she really wants.

    I did get plenty of drama anyways, yet it would have been way worse if I would have slept with her. I can see it now...she would have texted me 20 times a day, and would want to hang out all the time. I would have gotten creeped out super fast, ended it, and everyone in my office would know about it.

    I really couldn't believe the amount of drama involved to be honest. We only made out! That was a red flag the size of a football field!

  2. #12
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    Default Re: Lets talk about honesty!

    Quote Originally Posted by whitedragon View Post
    Every girl is clingy and potentially problematic before and after having sex.
    Quote Originally Posted by whitedragon View Post
    I also truly have no bad blood between any girl I've ever slept with.
    Given the first quote, I'm extremely curious how you've been pulling off the second one..

  3. #13
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    Default Re: Lets talk about honesty!

    I agree completely.

    When you're fresh, and new to getting girls, guys will lie and do anything to get into a girls pants. I use to be this guy, and then it'd start a firestorm of drama, and made me feel like shit.
    It made me feel like shit because I was a shitty person. Don't ever be a shitty person.

    It all comes down to "ALWAYS leave girls better off than when they first met you. NO MATTER WHAT." I agree with this 100% and live by it no matter what happens. Everybody should. On a much deeper level, lets say you died tomorrow. At your funeral, would you want to be remembered as that guy who lied and manipulated woman through false intentions just to score with them? Or would you rather be remembered as an honest guy, that never tried to fark anybody over, and always left people better off than when they first met him. Seriously, think about that.

    As for your situation Direct, I feel like you did the best thing possible. She wanted a relationship, you didn't, and if she was acting like that after making out with you at a bar, imagine if you would of slept with her? You were right on the money, that's a bad situation, and you avoided being a shitty person.

    Yes, Whitedragon, he could of easily slept with her, but she wanted more, and lying to her and making her think he wanted more by farking her casually, would of farked with her emotions and left her wayyyy worse off.

    Your line of "listen I would give you the best sex of your life but I don't want to date you and never will" was mean, but what needed to be said. I probably would of said the same thing. If she didn't like it, that's her problem at that point.

    I can honestly say that I am 100% honest with every girl in my life now. Being dishonest actually hurts your game and reputation in the long run. Honesty is extremely attractive and is a huge shortcut to building a deep connection with a girl.

    If you're making out with a girl somewhere, and she asks you what you want, whether this is going to lead to a relationship or not, than you tell her, either yes, or no. But you don't lie to her.
    If you just wanna cuddle and watch movies with her, tell her " I just wanna come over, watch movies, eat ice cream, and have fun with each other." If you guys end up having sex, you didn't lie. You told her you wanted to have fun.
    If she calls you out on wanting to have sex or just trying to get into her pants, you tell her, Yes, I'd love to get into your pants, but that's not my intentions by coming over. I actually do just wanna cuddle and hangout.

    Being honest will get you far in life.

    If a girl asks you whether or not you're talking to other girls, and you're not, tell her your not. If you are, then you tell her yes, but you don't feel the same connection that you do with her, Tell her that something about her draws you to her that none of the other girls possess. She'll feel really special, and you're being honest.
    If a girl you like asks whether or not you find somebody attractive and you do, tell her yes, she's very attractive and i'd love to fark her. She may get upset, but would she rather you lie to her? Girls know when you're lying, trust me.

    Like, there is not a game about it. Sure the girl could be shit testing you, or giving you some test, but who cares. You don't apologize for how you feel, or for being a man, EVER, & you certainly don't lie.

  4. #14
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    Default Re: Lets talk about honesty!

    Yes!! I agree completely! Sometimes even when you are brutally honest with a girl she will lie to herself and NOT believe you. That's not your fault, it's hers.

    Honesty will get you VERY far in life. Sh!t, I banged my best friends cousin, and my other best friends little sister. I told them both right away what I was doing and they respect me even more because of it. I'm still best friends with both of them. This doesn't even apply to women, this applies in life.

  5. #15
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    Default Re: Lets talk about honesty!

    Quote Originally Posted by twentynine View Post
    Given the first quote, I'm extremely curious how you've been pulling off the second one..
    1. I don't persue flighty, pyscho or gold digging girls in the first place. I definately tend to go for a certain type of girl that I am confident will cause neither of us trouble.
    2. I don't really get into too much talk with a girl early on about relationships and classifications or what we are or might become. We're just two people having fun getting to know each other. I like spontaneity and keeping options open. It's the 21st century, not the victorian era.
    3. I love exploring a womens body, going down on her and making her satisfied and feel good about herself (whether physically or through conversation). I like sensual and romantic sex and I prefer quality over quantity. I seek out girls who will respect me and understand the pro's and con's of being with me for however long it lasts. I'm a positive happy guy. Whether with women or at work or friends...people rarely get angry at me or regret meeting me.
    4. As I said before I agree with the principles of this thread and am usually honest up front. Take it or leave it. The ones that take it make that decision and understand the implications. 'Consenting adults'.
    5. After sex I do sometimes have to put some effort in. Usually this involves saying things like 'Life is short', 'Not every relationship lasts forever, but we have something special, I don't see us working out long term but I'm happy to have met you', 'you already know our destiny is not long term but fate brought us together, we cant resist each other and its a positive thing'. I make them realise that whilst I probably can't be their boyfriend, spending time with me is/was worth it. If you are a good man and good lover it usually is. Good memories are good memories. In some ways Ive found, particularly as I age and if I'm with younger girls, I become a sort of mentor to them. I'm a good listener. I completely agree with what someone else said about leaving a girl in a better way than you found them. If I just wanted a quick bang I'd go to a brothel. I'm also looking for more than sex, it should have some meaning. There has to be some effort put in to do that. I see quite a few of my friends who abandon girls immediately after sex, don't put any effort in, don't know what they want, lie or simply choose the wrong types of girls and they end up in all sorts of trouble.
    6. I keep in touch to a degree. Sometimes they come back for more. If you have stated your intent or situation and they respect it, they will often choose second best (casual with a 'nice' guy) over nothing.
    7. Women are usually far more streetsmart with relationships than guys. If your level of interest in them drops after sex (I am guilty myself of ignoring girls after sex unless I want to sleep with them more), they usually quickly work it out and if you have been relatively clear from the beginning they will not be a bother. This forum is full of posts about girls,not replying. Make no excuses for being a man. There is no obligation you have to be exactly what she wants but to be yourself.
    8. Refer to no.1

    I meant no offense with my first post. It wasn't supposed to be taken so seriously.

  6. #16
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    Default Re: Lets talk about honesty!

    Quote Originally Posted by whitedragon View Post
    1. I don't persue flighty, pyscho or gold digging girls in the first place.I definately tend to go for a certain type of girl that I am confident will cause neither of us trouble.
    My intent was to point out that your statement "Every girl is clingy and potentially problematic before and after having sex." is completely ridiculous and inaccurate. Based on the fact that almost everything you've said afterward contradicts it, I will just assume that you agree. Not your best work, fair enough.

    That said, I agree with most of what you are saying. I think we're on the same page, sir.

  7. #17
    whitedragon is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Lets talk about honesty!

    Quote Originally Posted by twentynine View Post
    My intent was to point out that your statement "Every girl is clingy and potentially problematic before and after having sex." is completely ridiculous and inaccurate. Based on the fact that almost everything you've said afterward contradicts it, I will just assume that you agree. Not your best work, fair enough.

    That said, I agree with most of what you are saying. I think we're on the same page, sir.
    Not really, it's just matters of degree. The statement is somewhat lighthearted, like when Motley Crue joke about 'women=trouble' or the zen saying 'If a man is in a forest alone, is he still wrong'.

  8. #18
    whitedragon is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Lets talk about honesty!

    Quote Originally Posted by DirectIsBest View Post
    I told them both right away what I was doing and they respect me even more because of it. I'm still best friends with both of them. This doesn't even apply to women, this applies in life.
    This is the interesting thing and what I was getting at by saying I don't have any bad blood with any previous partners. A couple of recent examples:
    GIRL A
    She was crapping on about how men just want to get in her pants and aren't after anything serious. I tell her, 'well isnt that what Ive just done haha'. She says 'Yeah but at least you were honest about it...the others are just sleazy'. Still in contact with her.
    GIRL B
    She started grooming me after sex about being potential bf. I told her I don't want to see her that way and gently cut her loose...then a few weeks later she rings up and says 'I'm in your area...can I come around and see you?'. Better to have something than nothing maybe, idk. Still in contact with her.


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