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Thread: Lets talk about honesty!

  1. #1
    DirectIsBest's Avatar
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    Default Lets talk about honesty!

    I have a story to tell you guys to illustrate how honesty is your best friend. I have been BRUTALLY honest with women recently, and if you are too, it will save you trouble down the road.

    There's this girl I go to school with that recently got out of a LTR and I was picking up mad vibes from her. I will call her "Beth". She is mutual friends with a friend of mine (who's a women). Our mutual friend approached me and try'd to set us up.

    I started to text Beth and we would converse occasionally for about 4 days. I was starting to get freaked out by some of her texts. I don't want a girlfriend right now and I was getting the vibe from Beth that she wanted something more than FWB. I discussed this with our mutual friend who told me "Don't worry! She already knows you dont want a gf! She is fine with that!" I wasn't totally convinced, but I haven't got laid in over a month so I continued instead of listening to my screaming intuition and ignoring her.

    Last Thursday I took her out to a bar and we had a burger and drinks. She was super nervous but we had a good time. I didn't pay for her (thank god)! I made out with her then dropped her off. I knew I could have taken her home but I wanted to take things slow and get a better vibe from her. My intuition was still screaming "she's wants a bf and is needy". After I made out with her I told her "I don't want a gf. lets just be friends." Beth said she already knew that and was fine with it. I didn't fully believe her based on her voice tone and body language.

    Last Saturday there was a festival near our town that a big group of my friends went to. Beth was there along with our mutual friend. As soon as I got to the bar our mutual friend and I went and smoked a cig. She says I need to tell you something, I hooked Beth up with my friend last night. I was totally fine with it and a little relieved.

    The guy was at the bar with the same group I was with. After awhile every time I wasn't smiling Beth would come over and say "Go find a girl. Don't be sad. You're awesome blah blah blah" then would go back and hang on the guy she hooked up with. I REALLY didn't care but her coming up and acting like I was jealous was super annoying.

    I knew the game she was playing and I wanted nothing to do with it. Whenever I would Kino her she would try and hold my hand but I pulled away.

    Finally after the third time she approached me I told her "Listen, I would give you the best sex of your life, but it would NEVER be anything more than that. I will NEVER be your boyfriend. There is no possibility that will happen". To which she responded "I don't want a bf right now (lie) but I want the possibility of that in the future". She then started telling me I'm a player, how terrible I am, and that I should see other women.

    I was totally calm and collected when talking to her. I agreed with everything she said. I told her "Yea you're right. I am a player. I am a terrible guy, and I'm already talking to multiple other women."

    Boy I tell you, she DID NOT LIKE THAT. Later in the night I started dancing with her friend and within ten seconds Beth was pushing me away yelling at me. "Don't you dare hurt her. You're a player!" I couldn't believe it! We were just dancing! I then got a sly smirk on my face and told her friend "apparently we aren't allowed to talk".

    I had to actually leave the group I went to the festival with because Beth was being the fun police and causing so much drama. It's a good thing I knew ALLOT of people at the festival, so I went and hung out with them. My friends were actually teasing me because everywhere we went I would bump into people I knew and hold up the group.

    I see Beth everyday at school and since this episode she will barely make eye contact, give a slight wave, and say nothing to me. She has this "I hate you look" on her face. I can't help but give a big grin and I think she hates me even more for it.

    If this was five years ago I would have hooked up with her repeatedly BEFORE I told her I didn't want a gf. She would have been hooked, found out I was seeing other women eventually, and the drama would have been 20 times worse!

    So the moral of the story is this: I just weeded out a very needy, clingy women by being honest right off the bat! Some women just cant handle brutal honesty. Sure, I didn't get laid, but that's not the point. Getting laid by this girl was way more trouble than it was worth! So be honest with your intentions and save yourself allot of trouble down the road!

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Lets talk about honesty!

    Thanks for posting that man, that's good advice.

    I get that same nervous feeling when I feel like a girl is gonna fall for me and get clingy if I sleep with her, it makes me very uneasy in fact.. I am ALWAYS honest with any girl I plan on sleeping with, and a lot of the time it works out just fine.

    If I feel like a girl is going to get extremely clingy and be a pain in the ass after I sleep with her; I won't do it. On the other hand, if I tell a girl that and she says "that's fine I'm not looking for a bf either!", but I know she is full of shit, if I feel like I can still sleep with her because she doesn't seem like the crazy jealous type, I'll still sleep with her.

    I actually get that feeling with pretty much every girl I sleep with, so I'm constantly finding myself having to make this same judgement call.. I hear a lot from a lot of girls that I'm "good bf material", definitely a curse when it comes to just wanting to be single.

    For example: I have a FWB that I've seen on average once or twice a month for the past 5 months.. She claims she doesn't want a bf and that she doesn't see me like that but I know for a fact she is COMPLETELY full of shit (lots of black and white reasons for this but I'll skip the details). I haven't fucked her because I know once I do that it's game over and I'll have her busting my door down once I decide to cut it off. She seems to be just fine right now with coming over, blowing me while watching a movie, and going home.. What guy could say no to that? Haha.

    ..I got off topic there perhaps. My point was it's a good post. Absolutely pays off to be honest. Never lie to a girl about your intentions!

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Lets talk about honesty!

    Amen to that. When you have a clear defined identity, show vulnerabiity and honest with your intentions, you will be amazed how many incompatible women you can weed out. Sure it limits your options, but why settle for less. That's how you be THE PRIZE.

    I think a lot of new posters who have a specific situation dealing with girls who are "on the fence" need to realize this.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Lets talk about honesty!

    I agree with both of you guys.

    Hey two nine, sometimes a BJ is better than sex! I had that EXACT same situation about 7 years ago. The only difference was that it was with my best friends cousin! But hey, I was honest with my best friend, and he didn't care!

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Lets talk about honesty!

    Haha I whole-heartedly agree with that brother!

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Lets talk about honesty!

    You had an opportunity for easy casual sex and didn't take it?

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Lets talk about honesty!

    You didn't get the point man. Easy sex yes, casual to me yes, casual to her no. She didn't want casual sex. She wanted something more. I didn't want more with her. I could have been dishonest and gotten laid, but I would have dealt with a ton of drama later when I cut her off. The sex wouldn't have been worth it.

    Just because you can bang a girl doesn't mean you should. I've gone down that road many times. I'm not going down that road again.

  8. #8
    whitedragon is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Lets talk about honesty!

    Quote Originally Posted by DirectIsBest View Post
    You didn't get the point man. Easy sex yes, casual to me yes, casual to her no. She didn't want casual sex. She wanted something more. I didn't want more with her. I could have been dishonest and gotten laid, but I would have dealt with a ton of drama later when I cut her off. The sex wouldn't have been worth it.

    Just because you can bang a girl doesn't mean you should. I've gone down that road many times. I'm not going down that road again.
    I understand and no offense meant, except you got a ton of drama it seems anyway. Most of your post was about her dramatic behaviour towards you at the festival. She and your mutual friend understood you didn't see her as a girlfriend and so you wouldn't have been dishonest in sleeping with her. 'After I made out with her I told her "I don't want a gf. lets just be friends." Beth said she already knew that and was fine with it.' Of course she ultimately wants a BF somewhere along the line but after a LTR she may also just want to have fun for a while. If she is a girl who is guaranteed to be full of drama and you already knew that why take her out at all.

  9. #9
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    Default Re: Lets talk about honesty!

    For someone that has a hard time getting girls to have sex with them, I would consider your arguement fit, whitedragon. However, your comment makes me question whether you have ever dealt with a clingy and potentially problematic girl, before and after having sex with them.. Do you understand the implications involved in this situation?

    I think he made it pretty clear that whether he may have suspected she was the clingy LTR seeking type, it didn't become fully evident until after he had taken her out.

    I agree that having sex with her - unless she is an absolute goddess, which it doesn't sound like she is - would not have been worth the potential headaches and bullshit that having sex with her would have caused in the future.. Not to mention what it could have potentially done to Direct's reputation, given the circumstances and those involved.

    Let's not forget that this thread is about being honest, which is exactly what he did. His actions not only potentially saved himself a great deal of grief, but her as well. You cannot fault a man for doing what he feels is right for not only himself, but also for someone else.

  10. #10
    whitedragon is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Lets talk about honesty!

    Quote Originally Posted by twentynine View Post
    For someone that has a hard time getting girls to have sex with them, I would consider your arguement fit, whitedragon. However, your comment makes me question whether you have ever dealt with a clingy and potentially problematic girl, before and after having sex with them.. Do you understand the implications involved in this situation?
    Every girl is clingy and potentially problematic before and after having sex. I don't rely on intuition but proven experience of what works and does not work. Honesty is exactly what I use in picking up and breaking off with a girl so I am not against the principles of this thread. I also truly have no bad blood between any girl I've ever slept with. Because I understand the implications so well I can sleep with a fair variety of girls and deal with them effectively afterwards so there are minimal negative outcomes. Naturally I have learnt to avoid completely psycho girls (which 'Beth' doesn't really sound like) in the first place.

    Quote Originally Posted by twentynine View Post
    You cannot fault a man for doing what he feels is right for not only himself, but also for someone else.
    Sure, which is why I told him I understood and meant no offence.


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