Top 10 Stats
Latest Posts Loading... Loading...
Loading...
Loading...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Loading...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Results 1 to 9 of 9
Like Tree1Likes
  • 1 Post By T-Mal

Thread: Help! Finally went out and Choked Bad !

  1. #1
    BadWolf is offline Aspiring PUA
    Points: 54, Level: 1
    Level completed: 8%, Points required for next Level: 46
    Overall activity: 10.0%
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
    Posts
    3
    Points
    54
    Level
    1
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    0

    Angry Help! Finally went out and Choked Bad !

    Hey fellas,

    Quick and dirty. I'm 47, been divorced now for a year, last court day Feb 13th 2013 from my wife of 26 years. We met in high school, married 2 years out of high school before college. She could not have children, and we never had any.

    I dated maybe a grand total of 5 girls in my 15-18 year old time frame until her and I met. Was a good run. Damn good run.

    So..Took the this past year away from the general public short of work, to reflect, rebuild, heal. Been absorbing as much information as I can on how to approach women in the "wild" here and several other venues.

    I decided to get out and try it this past weekend. Went to a local quiet Martini bar. Nice place, no banging music, no kids or college types, just adults and dimly lit. I watched a very attractive woman walk in and by. She sat down at the bar 2 seats away, and I made sure there was no ring or signs of a soon to show up boyfriend. After about 5-8 minutes, I cathered up the stomach to lean over an introduce myself to her. She responded, introduced herself and that is where I went down in flames. Like a bucket of gasoline into a fire. I froze up. Had nothing to say, mouth went dry, Pulse and BP where through the roof.

    I had no clue how to approach, what to say, what to talk about, nothing. I shut down and had nothing to say, total blank. I felt no confidence, no self worth, nothing ! Just sheer paralyzing terror! I wanted to run screaming! It was the most awkward and terrifying 10 minutes of my entire life. She started talking to the bartender after a few minutes of silence and I felt like just jumping under a large loaded bus.

    After 26 years of marriage, there is no "game" left, not that I ever had much to begin with I suppose. But what now? Even the thought of trying again is giving me hives, dry mouth and making my left eye twitch! I wonder now not being a bigger "player" in my youth is now coming back to haunt me. I'm not looking for Sex, a One Night Stand or a play buddy.

    Any advice I can get would be helpful as I'm not quite sure what to do next.
    Last edited by BadWolf; 03-10-2014 at 10:11 PM. Reason: spelling

  2. #2
    marvilo's Avatar
    marvilo is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
    Points: 6,939, Level: 54
    Level completed: 95%, Points required for next Level: 11
    Overall activity: 40.0%
    Achievements:
    Social5000 Experience Points31 days registered
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Posts
    877
    Points
    6,939
    Level
    54
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 4 Times in 4 Posts
    Rep Power
    325

    Default Re: Help! Finally went out and Choked Bad !

    Start all over, look up some pua talks and dating coaches tips on youtube, read books, and all of that. On the other hand if you don't want to wait then you can jump in head first and just start approaching and recording your infields so you can learn from it.
    You lose some you win some, learn from your mistakes and get better!

  3. #3
    T-Mal's Avatar
    T-Mal is offline PUA All Star
    Points: 31,222, Level: 100
    Level completed: 0%, Points required for next Level: 0
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    Social25000 Experience Points31 days registered
    Awards:
    Posting Award
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Location
    Southern Michigan USA
    Posts
    2,558
    Points
    31,222
    Level
    100
    Thanks
    3
    Thanked 9 Times in 8 Posts
    Rep Power
    1391

    Default Re: Help! Finally went out and Choked Bad !

    You need to practice flirting everywhere you go.
    It'll build confidence and increase your overall social muscles.

    But you're not alone.... a lot of guys don’t know how to flirt. They’re unsure of what it actually is & how to go about doing it successfully.

    Here some tips that should help get you started.

    First of all, keep it light & silly.... and flirt with everyone...
    (I always flirt with checkout girls / ladies....even the old ones, just to stay sharp & keep myself in the groove.)

    Basically, I like to razz them about the way they're scanning my items or bagging them up.... Maybe even about the price of the item I’m buying.

    **Important** make sure you're smiling / laughing /winking etc... The key is to just make the interaction fun.

    Examples:

    "Hey, I see what you're doing... you scanned that twice. you're pretty sneaky!!"

    "Did you just give me the Senior discount? Are you trying to make me feel old or something?"

    "Nice! you scanned that with such laser precision... your hands are probably steady enough to do surgery on an emergency patient..."

    "You know, the reason I came through your checkout line is because, you smell better than the guy down there on register #3"

    "Look, don't judge me just because I still buy kids' cereal, I can't help it... Cap'n Crunch is still the boss!!


    Just little ridiculous things like that work wonders on getting them to smile.

    I mean, think about it...
    How many bitchy, cranky, asshole customers do you think she had to deal with already today? Sooooo, when you come along in a good mood, and you’re getting her to laugh & have fun for those few minutes, it's totally gonna make her day!

    Also- Flirting with girls at clubs or at coffee shops (or wherever) is the same thing.

    It’s all about light, playful teasing & bantering. Just adapt the context of your “friendly jabs” to the current surroundings & situation & you’ll be golden!





    .


    Need one on one private coaching? PM me for details.

  4. #4
    BadWolf is offline Aspiring PUA
    Points: 54, Level: 1
    Level completed: 8%, Points required for next Level: 46
    Overall activity: 10.0%
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
    Posts
    3
    Points
    54
    Level
    1
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    0

    Default Re: Help! Finally went out and Choked Bad !

    Wow... I guess I have A LOT to learn ! I think if I can get past the dry mouth, shaking, hyperventalating and total fear, there may be help for me.

  5. #5
    JackSarge's Avatar
    JackSarge is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
    Points: 172, Level: 3
    Level completed: 44%, Points required for next Level: 28
    Overall activity: 51.0%
    Achievements:
    500 Experience Points31 days registered
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Posts
    600
    Points
    172
    Level
    3
    Thanks
    1
    Thanked 5 Times in 5 Posts
    Rep Power
    0

    Default Re: Help! Finally went out and Choked Bad !

    Try online dating? Shoot I don't know. Maybe hit up some Holiday Events this year for an equal age range. I would say try speaking next time. It's alright to freeze just sounds like you never conquered your player side of talking to extremely attractive women with romantic intent. My problem is I talk too much which is just as bad since I get nowhere a lot just like you. So talking won't win the girl but calibration will.
    When you let go of your feelings you can really then embrace your surroundings
    Love is a game that's why I don't worry about it anymore. When you let go of your feelings you find your meaning.
    -Capn_Jack

  6. #6
    bigjohnson67 is offline Aspiring PUA
    Points: 58, Level: 1
    Level completed: 16%, Points required for next Level: 42
    Overall activity: 0%
    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    Posts
    4
    Points
    58
    Level
    1
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    0

    Default Re: Help! Finally went out and Choked Bad !

    Some of the things I've done to improve my conversation and flirting skills with low risk of rejection include:

    1. find a bar with cute bartenders and flirt and talk to them. it's basically their job.
    2. talk to girls at the bar you aren't interested in. I've found couples sitting at a bar for dinner like talking to someone other than their spouse. again, no risk of rejection.
    3. I don't go out specifically to talk to girls. I go out to have a good time. Find a bar that's fun, become a regular and make friends with other regulars. If some cute girl comes in talk to her, but if it doesn't work you're still having a good time.

  7. #7
    BadWolf is offline Aspiring PUA
    Points: 54, Level: 1
    Level completed: 8%, Points required for next Level: 46
    Overall activity: 10.0%
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
    Posts
    3
    Points
    54
    Level
    1
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    0

    Default Re: Help! Finally went out and Choked Bad !

    Hey Thanks all !

    Big J,
    A buddy of mine had some of the same ideas for me. He calls it, well I wont tell you what he calls it, but more or less practice on women that you would never ever visualize yourself with. Says is easier to approach and start up a convo for the less than desirable woman in your personal 1-10 list. It sounds a little mean if you ask me, but I can see the point he's making. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

    It's amazing just how little I knew, and forgot with the whole dating/pick up/approach thing. Ah youth... When it was bowling for girls. just pitch it out there, youre bound to knock at least one pin down.

  8. #8
    Wilde's Avatar
    Wilde is offline PUA in Training
    Points: 148, Level: 2
    Level completed: 96%, Points required for next Level: 2
    Overall activity: 10.0%
    Achievements:
    100 Experience Points
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
    Posts
    31
    Points
    148
    Level
    2
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    11

    Default Re: Help! Finally went out and Choked Bad !

    It seems like everybody's saying to warm up a little before your big game. That's a great idea.
    To add a little, you should also assume rapport. Imagine she's already your girlfriend, or wife since you have experience with that, and you're having one of those nights out like you're playing as if you don't know each other. That'll help a lot as it seems like you have a lot of experience with long-term relationships.

    Also, if you're not looking for a One Night Stand or hook up, I'd try more day game at coffee shops or grocery stores and such. Whole Foods is always a catch.

  9. #9
    Estebanh is offline Aspiring PUA
    Points: 104, Level: 2
    Level completed: 8%, Points required for next Level: 46
    Overall activity: 5.9%
    Achievements:
    7 days registered100 Experience Points
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Posts
    2
    Points
    104
    Level
    2
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    0

    Default Re: Help! Finally went out and Choked Bad !

    Head on down to Costa Rica for an incredible vacation. The latinas are very easy to pickup and a lot more fun. It wont help you with your game but it will give you some wonderful memories.

    costaricaticas dot com

    PS I am not affiliated with the site, just trying to help a fellow older divorcee.


Similar Threads

  1. finally some help
    By selasi in forum New Member Introductions
    Replies: 0
    Last Thread: 11-11-2012, 10:20 PM
  2. GYM GAME - Finally Here
    By Tyrone1991 in forum Field Reports
    Replies: 16
    Last Thread: 10-26-2012, 09:18 PM
  3. We are finally both single now but.....
    By WeatherMan in forum General Questions
    Replies: 3
    Last Thread: 10-21-2012, 11:32 AM
  4. Finally Got It Back
    By 0Rooster0 in forum Field Reports
    Replies: 1
    Last Thread: 07-29-2012, 10:34 PM
  5. Finally :)
    By JonnyDarko in forum Approaching, Running Sets & Building Attraction
    Replies: 1
    Last Thread: 01-14-2009, 02:47 PM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
DMCA.com