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Thread: HB way too hot and cold?

  1. #11
    Kyl3's Avatar
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    Default Re: HB way too hot and cold?

    Okay for 1.) she's best friends with your ex girlfriend. This in itself Is a really hard to over-come because, if she values the friendship with that girl at all, she's not going to date you, nor hookup with you. You should also be careful. Birds of a feather flock together, & according to assortment theory, you're friends with people who are like you, share the same ideas, values, etc. So if her and your ex girlfriend are best friends, they're more than likely very similar with their ideals. A.k.a. She's like your ex girlfriend & why would you want a girl like that. It's not a deal breaker, girls think emotionally so you could pull it off if you build massive value & attraction in her eyes & have her backstab her friend, but it'd still be hard.
    2.) You don't see her in person, so every interaction is over text. This makes it SUPER HARD to do anything. Texting is a 3rd tier form of communication, & it doesn't even compare to real life interaction. You can still build attraction over text, look up T-MAL's guides on texting. In my opinion, texting to build attraction/rapport sucks & you should only use it to set up logistics/ask to hangout, or to share something playful & high value. By the sounds of it, it seems like you've been made into her little texting buddy becuse you didn't build any attraction.
    3.) She straight told you that it wasn't going anywhere because she values the other friendship with the ex girlfriend more. There's you answer. She's really flirty because she loves the attention you give her, & she doesn't feel any attraction so it boosts her ego and makes her feel good, aka, being a flirty emotional play girl like AXle said^
    4.) she flakes because she feels no attraction, & I'd counter-argue with this dumb bitch of a girl, that if she just wants to be friends, that's cool, because that's all you want too. But friends hangout & spend time together, & if she doesn't want to be my friend then later because this isn't friendship. THEN see what she says to you sticking your foot down on the situation.
    5.) don't tell a girl to "get more available" In hopes that she'll magically make time to see you. She won't, ever.
    6.) their is no such thing as the friend zone. I wrote an entire thread on it in the ask an expert column. She's just not attracted.

    Basically, she's not attracted to you. In my opinion, it's because you came on too strong, were to available/low value.
    + the ex girlfriend situation hurt you chances.

    I don't think there's anything you can do except try to stick your foot down on the hanging out, or to try & somehow build attraction over text & show HIGH value. Very tough, but you could do it.

  2. #12
    axlhunter is offline PUA in Training
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    Cool Re: HB way too hot and cold?

    Tons of fish in the sea my bro. You can bring a horse to water but you can't make that sucker drink!

  3. #13
    JustStartingOut is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: HB way too hot and cold?

    Truthfully I knew it was going to be very hard, it's at the point where I don't even know where to start with this one unfortunately. I think it might be better for me in the long run to just leave it and stop talking to her all together? I have just been over the texting guide and what not, I just don't feel even inclined to text her right now because it's so discouraging to have her flirt then flake. What do you propose I do?

    I figure just dropping might be best, but if you have a way of making it hurt I would love to hear it.

    If not, I agree with you guys in finding a new HB

  4. #14
    axlhunter is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: HB way too hot and cold?

    Well. Just stop talking to her. I wouldn't say anything spiteful. She doesn't sound like she's a B or anything. Sounds like she is just flirty. Unfortunately, you have given her multiple opportunities to mold this friendship into an actual intimate relationship, but she just sounds like she won't have it. I'd just stop texting her. Sending anything negative to her will come off immature.

    After you haven't texted her for a while, and if she randomly texts you out of the blue. You could always respond with, "Who is this?" The fact that you deleted her number will put you back in the driver seat. Then you can explain why you did it. "Well, I just didn't see the point of having a number in my phone of someone I didn't ever hang out with. No hard feelings. " Throw in the, "No hard feelings" and the wink face so you don't come off as you are being whiney. However, then follow it with a nonchalant, "Anyways, what's up?" Then leave it at that. If she messages you back great. If she doesn't oh well. You were probably better off anyways. I hate micromanaging females feelings. Always feeling like you got to tip-toe around them.

    However, you could always just not talk to her, and wait for her to text or call you, and just respond as you normally would. It's really up to you. Either way I feel would be effective. You just don't want the number deleting to come off as an immature pissed off maneuver.

  5. #15
    JustStartingOut is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: HB way too hot and cold?

    I actually love what you first recommended ahaha I did that last week to my ex who texted me and she sent a machine gun type round of text messages at me when I asked "who is this?" It was quite amusing. I'll probably do something along those lines, seems to be the most viable option.

    You're also right, she isn't a bitch just flirty. I doubt I'd get a message from her anytime soon but if I ever do I think I'll play it out that way. Or would it be better to just say I had gotten a new phone and didn't have her number?

  6. #16
    axlhunter is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: HB way too hot and cold?

    If you said you got a new phone I would play it by just saying, "Yea I've only had time to put a a couple of numbers in my phone." This will be passively telling her that she's about as much of a priority to you, as you are to her, which doesn't sound like much. Regardless of the woman, they don't like feeling as though they are not a priority. I'd say that's probably the best option. Meanwhile, keep yourself busy, and go find another HB.

    -Axl Hunter

  7. #17
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    Default Re: HB way too hot and cold?

    Here's a crazy thought. Why don't you actually act like a man, & just genuinely be friends with her instead of over-thinking and trying to manipulate her.

    Put her into the friend-zone, use her for social proof and pre-selection. She doesn't sound bitchy, & you obviously really like her because she seems to have a good personality. Tell her straight up that you only want to be friends.

    Then a few days later ask her for advice on a girl. Watch the tables turn.

  8. #18
    axlhunter is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: HB way too hot and cold?

    Quote Originally Posted by Kyl3 View Post
    Here's a crazy thought. Why don't you actually act like a man, & just genuinely be friends with her instead of over-thinking and trying to manipulate her.

    Put her into the friend-zone, use her for social proof and pre-selection. She doesn't sound bitchy, & you obviously really like her because she seems to have a good personality. Tell her straight up that you only want to be friends.

    Then a few days later ask her for advice on a girl. Watch the tables turn.
    I think he tried that, but he can't get her to hang out. Maybe I'm getting my posts mixed up! However, yea if you can get her to just be friends with her than definitely do that without a doubt. Social proof, and an on call wing woman. Hell we all know the power of wing women.

    - Axl Hunter

  9. #19
    JustStartingOut is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: HB way too hot and cold?

    That sounds like a pretty good idea, I love using wing women almost more than I like going in alone or using wing men. Works much better imo. When you say "watch the tables turn" what exactly does that even mean? As in she'll actually become my friend and just that? I'm not exactly sure as to how I would even bring up being "just friends"... Just striking up a random conversation and somehow throwing it in?

  10. #20
    axlhunter is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: HB way too hot and cold?

    He means that there is a possibility for her to start liking you. Key word here is possibility. Either way is win/win for you. When guys walk in with a woman the girls always eyeball the guy, and think to themselves "What does she have that I don't." Then they are pleasantly surprised when you go up to talk to them, and you tell them that she is just a friend, and not your girlfriend.

    - Axl Hunter


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