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Thread: Need some help finding a reason to talk to people

  1. #1
    MisterFabulous is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Need some help finding a reason to talk to people

    The way my mind works generally is that I don't care much to make friends or talk to random people, but at the same time I love being social and meeting people. I've realized that when I do have a chance to be social it's always at work or something where I have a reason to talk to people. I'm not going to be in classes or anything this semester and I want to get better at talking to random people on campus an was wondering if anyone can give me some goo advice. I was thinking I would start small and just compliment girls I see, but beyond that how do I actually make there be a reason for me to talk to a random girl?

  2. #2
    artandale's Avatar
    artandale is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need some help finding a reason to talk to people

    Well i was just trying something yesterday. I was about to finish my meal at a diner and thought about talking to the waitress to see about how to get her to laugh, smile or just think. Luckily i had been thinking about all this PUA stuff and a lot of FB posts recently have been relationship related. I decided to ask her what I had already asked people on my wall "Do you think the friend zone exists?". Now i know the subject wasnt great but luckily a friend had posted a super mario picture with labels--its a funny picture i might share it later. I kept eyes on her body language and read her face--she was very interested in answering but I could tell I asked a question far too strong that might take minutes to explain --which she didn't have. So I cut her off and showed her a picture to get her reaction. She laughed and smiled then went back to her business.

    I've learned that to spark a stranger's interest and time your best bet is to seem like you're a little hopeless or lost on a subject / topic that you've been thinking about. Its best to approach it as if you need a second opinion and that any stranger will do. Something worth of a personal challenge but not crossing personal boundaries. Maybe spend a few hours out of the week always looking into finding small topics that require a personal experience when asked a question about it. My suggestion is to find something a little less complex than what i asked.

    If you look at my question I asked her it....

    The Pros of the question...
    -is that it requires a personal experience.
    -you can get them to emotionally invest into topic because it is personal.
    -you can find out a lot about someone the way they answer.
    -this can be something for guys and girls to answer so its not gender specific.

    The Cons about the question is that...
    -the answers might take too long to be answered quickly (if possible keep it going like a game every time you see the again where they can pick up where you left off if the topic is too strong).
    -since you're still new to these people and asking these questions you dont want to have too strong if an opinion. Its good to have an opinion but dont be too bold and unfriendly--keep it neutral and light hearted as possible.

  3. #3
    MisterFabulous is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need some help finding a reason to talk to people

    Yea I was thinking of something like that thanks. anyone have any ideas if I'm hanging out in a open grassy area where people like to go and sunbathe/ play catch/ whatever?

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Need some help finding a reason to talk to people

    well it sounds like you're just looking for options. the best thing i can give you is that you have to be creative and witty how and why you wanna address people if you want to be situational. if you're in a store, look confused and ask for help. being lost and confused works in most situations. if you've already been chilling by yourself or walking from point A to point B maybe the best thing you can do is be indirect with an opinion from a stranger that might help you

  5. #5
    Ra1d is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need some help finding a reason to talk to people

    It's much more simple than that.

    First of all,if you want to be friends with a girl or you want to hit on her,you just go direct and tell them what's on your mind :"I want to be friends with you";"I had to come here and hit on you".

    With a guy,I just find something he's wearing(watch/ring/bracelet/necklace/chain/shirt/shoes/headphones/phone/his hair cut/tattoo,surely he has one or a few of those),and comment about it.Guys are not girls they are not used to compliments,if you comment about something they're wearing,5 minutes and he's your new friend.

    People are MUCH MORE open than we believe,it's only our brain that makes it seem so complicated.Some people are d1cks and might be unfriendly,but failures/rejections happen to everyone and are a part of our life.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Need some help finding a reason to talk to people

    Honestly, start small & work up to more interactive "openers".

    Make eye contact & smile... no words.
    After you get good at that (usually after 10-15 people) start saying "Hi" & smile... then move on.

    Do that for the next 15-20 people you see.

    Also- start becoming more outspoken & bolder with people you already know, or work with.

    I JUST started working at a new company a couple weeks ago where there are a couple hundred people...
    I've made friends with most of them & pretty much everyone knows who I am... just because I make a point of being sociable& confident & having fun.

    I seriously joke with EVERYONE... and told one girl I just met today to "bite me" when we were working together. (Yes, we were laughing about stuff... but to say THAT to someone you just met takes confidence & an upbeat attitude.

    That said, 2 years ago I had a bit of social anxiety, and would never have been able to pull that off.

    But it ALL starts with little steps, and progressing from there.


    Need one on one private coaching? PM me for details.

  7. #7
    MisterFabulous is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need some help finding a reason to talk to people

    Missed a golden opportunity today. Wasn't paying attention my friend was like hey theres a cute girl over there. By the time I noticed she wa like a block from where I was an I decided it might be weird I I ran after her and opened. Then later I was second guessing myself and figured maybe I should have anyway. Why do you guys think? Would it have been better to just go for it at that point?
    Last edited by MisterFabulous; 05-08-2014 at 09:24 PM. Reason: Sorry I posted this on my iPhone and it came out really broken

  8. #8
    hatem10 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need some help finding a reason to talk to people

    I'm confused.

    You say you love been social but at the same time need a reason to talk to people?

    Just get used to approaching people as a tool, not a technique to pull.

    To bring approaching inside your comfort zone don't treat it like an exercise where you approach 5 people a day. The problem with that is it will always seem like an exercise.

    The best way is to talk to everyone: The bus driver, girl in the queue etc.

    Then it becomes a part of you.

    Thanks Joe


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