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  1. #1
    mossyben89 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Question Need help- chasing a girl with a boyfriend. Specific advice wanted

    Alright here's the story. I am fairly handsome and get along ok with women so I typically don't have trouble at least getting a foot in the door. (Closing is another story for another thread.)

    Anyway, I meet a cute girl (a legit 9) in Vegas at the rental car desk last time I'm there and waste no time getting some interest built up. I have my golf clubs with me, she's into golf. I tell her we should play, and she tells me that she'd love to, she's off on Monday and Tuesday. The close is a little sketchy, I end up just giving her my email so now I have to wait on her. She knows I'm leaving town late on Monday.

    I hear nothing from her, then I get an email from her on Monday afternoon. She says she thinks I'm cute but she has a boyfriend. So I tell her that that's too bad, I think she's attractive and we could have had fun. I also tell her that I'm going to keep her info handy and that next time I'm in town, I'm trying again and that hopefully by then her boyfriend will have screwed up. Pretty direct interaction.

    Anyway, she emails back (very quickly) and says something about "maybe... we'll see" and we exchange a few more flirty emails before calling it quits.

    So now I'm heading back to Vegas. I am definitely going to contact her. Just wondering if anyone has advice as to what tactic I should use?

    Since I was pretty direct, I was thinking of just sticking with that and telling her I want to see her. But I didn't know if I should go the golf route again since maybe that can give her an emotional safe zone (we're just playing golf, not cheating) and then just see how that goes or should I go for more of a "let's just party and see what happens" message.

    Either way I'm realistic enough to know I'm fighting an uphill battle, but several things make me think she had genuine interest. She could have mentioned the boyfriend in person when we talked. She could have not emailed me at all. She could have left out the part about thinking I was cute. She could have just said "thanks but no thanks" when I still expressed interest after learning she had a boyfriend. So I think there's at least some hope. Just trying to figure out the best play.

  2. #2
    artandale's Avatar
    artandale is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need help- chasing a girl with a boyfriend. Specific advice wanted

    my suggestion is to hit her up--do lunch. something simple that she could see as not a date. a ninja move would be to never talk about her BF ever and just make your own advances until she gives you a redlight. (I'm about to do this tomorrow )

    the 2nd choice you can go with is use boyfriend destroyer tactics and use reverse psychology when she brings him up where you defend him and build him up to be this perfect guy... if she's not feeling her relationship with the guy you'll start to see her pick him apart. i can't remember the rest of the boyfriend destroyer tactics but you need to keep her attracted to you while you go through all these steps. i believe the rest of the tactics are the same as friend zone slayer tactics posted some where on this forum...
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  3. #3
    Carter21 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Need help- chasing a girl with a boyfriend. Specific advice wanted

    Haha, you talking so directly about her bf is bold. I like it. And in retrospect, that might actually be a good response. It may be something I consider in the future.

    Regarding BF destroyers - they can work, but using them forces you to be self-conscious and stuck in your head, because you're having to calculate and micromanage everything you say when the bf is brought up. And this can stress you out, because BF destroyers seem to be high-risk high-reward. If you don't execute it subtly enough, she may deduce your intentions before she's detatched from him, at which point she may leave you. Even done well, smarter girls can recognize reverse psychology fairly easily. So you have to carefully manage how you say and word the lines, which can sometimes be more trouble than its worth.

    Personally, I would never bring up the bf, and steer the conversation away from him as soon as possible if she does. I would focus on simply being the most attractive person you can be. Not only is it simpler and less stressful to focus only on generating attraction between you two, as opposed to doing that AND dissolving attraction with someone else, but its also effective. Most relationships get stale and lose excitement after several months. Over time, a lot of couples reduce date nights into Netflix nights. Flirting turns into small talk. If they've been dating for a while, you have an inherent advantage by being someone new and exciting. But if they're relatively new partners, thats not bad either, because you may be able to intercept her before their relationship becomes more serious and/or intimate. In both cases, correctly-executed BF destroyers would serve as icing on the cake, but they're not necessary to get her interested in you.

    However, if you're still interested in using them, I'm sure other users will give you links.

  4. #4
    artandale's Avatar
    artandale is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need help- chasing a girl with a boyfriend. Specific advice wanted

    yeah.. you should also consider the obvious facts in your head but don't force these facts or opinion on her IF she does hang out with you.

    1... if she's out with you doing whatever it is you guys are doing and shes talking and having a good time, to me it reads as if her relationship with her BF is not as serious as she might have let on
    2... i think if she were actually committed to her relationship she would not allow her relationship to be vulnerable to a guy she likes and keep in contact with him (example... you)
    3... if she went out with you, in an Isolate situation--its pretty obvious to me where she's allowing things to go. everything is green until its red. remember you shouldn't decide for her. lead her and give her options to back out if she really wants to back out. everyone here is an adult, we can all make our own choices and we can take responsibility for them.
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  5. #5
    CapPickup is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need help- chasing a girl with a boyfriend. Specific advice wanted

    First and foremost? how long has it been since your last interaction?

    That reminds me of an episode of How I met your Mother "The hook" haha Basically it states that she's keeping you on a hook just in case she breaks up with her boyfriend...She still has you. Anyways...back to my pont.

    Now that's up to you, how you would ask her out.

    2 things you can do when she starts talking about bf:
    - Ignore it. Keep talking about your shit.
    -Acknowledge it. Go BF Destroyer mode.

    No.1 rule when defending her bf: Make him look bad by making him look good


    Goodluck bro! May the force be with your game

  6. #6
    Naughty Napoleon's Avatar
    Naughty Napoleon is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Need help- chasing a girl with a boyfriend. Specific advice wanted

    When I face with girl with bf, I usually be silent when she talk about her bf. That's nothing specific you need to say or do to make her feel bad about her bf, it's not necessary.

    If you take a broader view, you will know it's all about if you are good enough that she can't let you go or have to dump her bf to be with you, it's all about you.

    Can you offer her something like no one else have offer her?

    A conversation like no one else, or a night that you can't forget for a long time or ...

    If you can, you can get her.

    If no, any tactis take make her bf look bad is not going to work as well.


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