Top 10 Stats
Latest Posts Loading... Loading...
Loading...
Loading...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Loading...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12
Results 11 to 15 of 15
Like Tree16Likes

Thread: Self esteem goes up and down along with depressionlike thoughts

  1. #11
    T-Mal's Avatar
    T-Mal is offline PUA All Star
    Points: 31,222, Level: 100
    Level completed: 0%, Points required for next Level: 0
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    Social25000 Experience Points31 days registered
    Awards:
    Posting Award
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Location
    Southern Michigan USA
    Posts
    2,558
    Points
    31,222
    Level
    100
    Thanks
    3
    Thanked 9 Times in 8 Posts
    Rep Power
    1391

    Default Re: Self esteem goes up and down along with depressionlike thoughts

    Remember...
    "Learning Experiences".

    That's all these are.
    I went through LOTS of the same sort of anxieties early on, and when I thought of ideas after the fact, I made sure I remembered them for later.

    So you didn't have failures... you came up with ideas/solutions for next time.

    That's how this process works.
    You'll never have the answers / techniques, without first going through these experiences & situations.

    Practice "gaming" everyone for a while. And I mean, just be socially interactive.

    When my girlfriend and I were out the other day, we were buying hangars to finish hanging up laundry.
    The checkout lady asked us how our day was, so I just said, "It's pretty good, but we're doing laundry. Wanna come help?" & smiled.

    Obviously I wasn't serious, but it was something different than most people would say, and it made the checkout process more fun.

    Just do little things like that here & there & you'll start to develop more of a knack for opening people spontaneously & situationally.

    You don't have to be clever, or suave, or anything like that. Just be confident & open your mouth.

    You can also use things like the weather the same way...
    "Hey, did YOU order all this rain? I'm seriously in need of a sunny day to work on my tan. Would you mind putting in a new order for THAT?" & give a wink.

    And it doesn't matter how the interaction goes after that... just practice with similar ideas for a few days & it'll start feeling more natural. to you.



    Need one on one private coaching? PM me for details.

  2. #12
    Carter21 is offline PUA in Training
    Points: 309, Level: 6
    Level completed: 18%, Points required for next Level: 41
    Overall activity: 16.7%
    Achievements:
    7 days registered250 Experience Points
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    Posts
    80
    Points
    309
    Level
    6
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    21

    Default Re: Self esteem goes up and down along with depressionlike thoughts

    The ultimate confidence booster is and always will be: success. While there are several psychology tricks and techniques people use to manufacture confidence, the best way to *naturally* acquire it is to be successful at what you're doing. Thats why so many star NBA and NFL players are cocky - they're in the upper echelon of their profession, so they're very confident in their skills.

    So, there are a LOT of techniques to artificially get you into a positive state of mind, and if you want, I can link you to some of the more effective ones. But for now, lets just focus on why you're failing and try to correct those issues. If we can figure out what you need to improve on, you'll have more success, leading to confidence.

    You stated that you've approached "hundreds" of girls, and that you're attractive. So clearly there's an issue with your game. Start out by telling us what *you* think is the reason the girls aren't interested. Assuming you're familiar with the basic fundamentals of PUA (such as confidence, social proof, body language, and teasing), you should have some idea of where the interaction is going wrong. Additionally, give us the general rundown of a couple approaches where you felt you did well, but still didn't close.

  3. #13
    artandale's Avatar
    artandale is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
    Points: 4,719, Level: 43
    Level completed: 85%, Points required for next Level: 31
    Overall activity: 53.0%
    Achievements:
    Social1000 Experience Points7 days registered
    Join Date
    May 2014
    Location
    Los Angeles, CA
    Posts
    820
    Points
    4,719
    Level
    43
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts
    Rep Power
    238

    Default Re: Self esteem goes up and down along with depressionlike thoughts

    Dont worry about the Number Close.

    If anything think about how she can fit in your life. If you think you wanted to date her--just be direct when it feels right. If shes really fun--invite her to an event youre going to. If you think shes got style tell her you need help picking out some clothes for a special occasion. Dont lie about your intentions. Be honest. Trust your gut. If and when you feel those butterflies in your stomach take it as a sign that youre interested in the girl. If you dont have them then shed probably just cool to hang around and kill some time with. Dont make thinks harder for yourself by making goals harder to achieve by only getting a
    number or whatever. Treat her like a person and she'll respond back to you like a person.

    Also congrats on not freaking out on her or losing your cool. Not to mention making her laugh. Think of it as making her day as well as improving yourself for the better.
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  4. #14
    Blistex is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
    Points: 4,497, Level: 42
    Level completed: 74%, Points required for next Level: 53
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    1000 Experience Points31 days registered
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Back for a limited time.
    Posts
    437
    Points
    4,497
    Level
    42
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    207

    Default Re: Self esteem goes up and down along with depressionlike thoughts

    Your problem is that during the interaction you were thinking about closing her. The girl I'm seeing now (I only date one girl at a time now), told me the whole time we were doing things together and hanging out we were just friends, she friendzoned me like 3 times. I didn't let it discourage me, took my time and read between the lines to find out what she wanted.

    Bottom line, I wasn't worried about the outcome when I was with her. I wasn't making some cockamamie scheme to get into her pants. I was just having fun and she picked up on The Vibe. When the time was right I went for it. Quit worrying about *how* you are going to close, you are doing this at the wrong time.

    I don't know about in the city, but around here it is as simple as saying "Hey, I want to hang out some time, lets exchange numbers."
    KISS - Keep it Stupid Simple

  5. #15
    emanus is offline Aspiring PUA
    Points: 76, Level: 1
    Level completed: 52%, Points required for next Level: 24
    Overall activity: 0%
    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    Posts
    13
    Points
    76
    Level
    1
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    7

    Default Re: Self esteem goes up and down along with depressionlike thoughts

    Quote Originally Posted by T-Mal View Post
    Remember...
    "Learning Experiences".

    Great tips. I'm always automatically thinking way in advance when approaching girls, going to immidiate "ok how am I going to close this" so that makes making cute clever remarks scary. But i'm going to think about what you said and do it.

    Quote Originally Posted by Carter21 View Post
    So, there are a LOT of techniques to artificially get you into a positive state of mind, and if you want, I can link you to some of the more effective ones. But for now, lets just focus on why you're failing and try to correct those issues. If we can figure out what you need to improve on, you'll have more success, leading to confidence.

    You stated that you've approached "hundreds" of girls, and that you're attractive. So clearly there's an issue with your game. Start out by telling us what *you* think is the reason the girls aren't interested. Assuming you're familiar with the basic fundamentals of PUA (such as confidence, social proof, body language, and teasing), you should have some idea of where the interaction is going wrong. Additionally, give us the general rundown of a couple approaches where you felt you did well, but still didn't close.
    Well, I do think i'm attractive. I have one fault though which can be a major turnoff if i'm not showing amazing confidence I guess. I have kindof yellowish teeth which can make me hesitant about smiling etc.
    I am familiar with the basics.. I guess it just slips my mind whenever I do a pickup and everythings scrambled together, backwards and sideways if you know what I mean. Usually i'm trying to go about it like this.. Open, if I get a positive response keep going with something somewhat witty, some comment on what shes doing, wearing whatever. If she keeps giving me something positive back (not blowing me off) I'll TRY to keep it flirty. I guess I have a hard time with that because it seems like the best way is to let her know that I mean business but still not look desperate and definitely not talk about boring crap like work or whatnot..

    Quote Originally Posted by artandale View Post
    Dont worry about the Number Close.

    If anything think about how she can fit in your life. If you think you wanted to date her--just be direct when it feels right. If shes really fun--invite her to an event youre going to. If you think shes got style tell her you need help picking out some clothes for a special occasion. Dont lie about your intentions. Be honest. Trust your gut. If and when you feel those butterflies in your stomach take it as a sign that youre interested in the girl. If you dont have them then shed probably just cool to hang around and kill some time with. Dont make thinks harder for yourself by making goals harder to achieve by only getting a
    number or whatever. Treat her like a person and she'll respond back to you like a person.

    Also congrats on not freaking out on her or losing your cool. Not to mention making her laugh. Think of it as making her day as well as improving yourself for the better.
    Great advice about thinking about how she would fit in my life. That thought pattern could give some good things to say to her as well.

    Quote Originally Posted by Blistex View Post
    Your problem is that during the interaction you were thinking about closing her. The girl I'm seeing now (I only date one girl at a time now), told me the whole time we were doing things together and hanging out we were just friends, she friendzoned me like 3 times. I didn't let it discourage me, took my time and read between the lines to find out what she wanted.

    Bottom line, I wasn't worried about the outcome when I was with her. I wasn't making some cockamamie scheme to get into her pants. I was just having fun and she picked up on the vibe. When the time was right I went for it. Quit worrying about *how* you are going to close, you are doing this at the wrong time.

    I don't know about in the city, but around here it is as simple as saying "Hey, I want to hang out some time, lets exchange numbers."
    Yeah that's definitely one of my problems. I know how to be witty and to say at least somewhat interesting stuff but i'm scaring myself up in middle of it thinking about the closing. Need to work on that more.


    Big thanks to everyone here, much appreciated! Would be awesome to come back with some success stories now that you told me so much


Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12

Similar Threads

  1. Replies: 5
    Last Thread: 05-22-2013, 01:11 PM
  2. My Thoughts On Getting Over AA
    By Vicodin24 in forum Approaching, Running Sets & Building Attraction
    Replies: 0
    Last Thread: 12-06-2012, 02:00 AM
  3. looking for your thoughts on this one...
    By St.Jonny in forum How To Get Your Ex Back
    Replies: 3
    Last Thread: 07-26-2012, 03:04 AM
  4. Low Self Esteem
    By BatMan in forum New Member Introductions
    Replies: 3
    Last Thread: 07-12-2012, 12:44 AM
  5. Braces lowering my self-esteem
    By The Chase in forum Approaching, Running Sets & Building Attraction
    Replies: 10
    Last Thread: 01-22-2011, 11:27 AM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
DMCA.com